"The man just two lives, the second begins when we realize that life is only one" - Tom Hiddleston. The site publishes a great article about how to stop waiting and start living. < I remember on 16 March 2011, when we began our second. We walked along the quay of the Seine with cups of coffee in their hands, the wind brought the complex smells of nearby cafes, our daughter threw ducks pieces of baguette, heart skip a beat from the upcoming big jump without a net, of freedom, of a new beginning, from the strong objectives of which are now fully responsible only to ourselves. I wish that in every human life has come once a day. When we start to do what years of dreaming and set aside. When we begin to live a lazy life.
Delayed life - this is not Paris, not a hammock under a palm tree or even a house on the beach. Delayed life - this is not about pleasure deferred. It's about a pending sense. But it is also dangerous. Pleasure to buy a snap. Revert sense of wasted years - is impossible.
Meaning - this is our answer to the question of who I am, what I do in this world, and where it is, my place. These are simple questions that should be a simple answer. Very simple. Because it is real. When he is - the person has a strong sense of a man in his place. Man is not functioning, and the person living.
As for pleasure - I only! Lifestyle, the environment that we want - it is very important. But no answer to the question why it does not work, it becomes an empty shell. How do I know - I have a lot of emails from people who had gone to paradise and, as it turned out, only to change the scenery.
Change is inevitable, but geography is not to blame. Delayed life may cease to be deferred at exactly the same chair, sitting where you are reading this article.
Delayed life - it's about you? h2> In my practice, I see three stages of "Deferred».
Step 1: a vague sense alternative. A feeling that you are "strayed" in his plane, and not get lost, and now, your could take place once again. Where else or with someone else. At this stage you do not know what it might be, just haunting feeling - "I think I'm in the wrong place," "And that is all?».
Step 2: unrealized dream. In the first case, the person just feels alternative, without specifics and pictures, in the second case, the unrealized gains reality has certain features, content and details. "My own restaurant," or "I wrote the book." Yes, often in your file store it is classified as "impossible dream." Time starts ticking surprisingly loud with each step calling into question the ability to carry it all day.
Step 3: bad person. If in the first and in the second case the deferred life - is a virtual image, even in part to brighten the life of this (nice dream at leisure), able to be realized in a certain contingent future, at this stage people are openly unhappy.
The situation becomes toxic. Moreover, the toxicity of it can add an infinite being in a situation of weighing solutions.
Quit - do not quit, start - do not start to say - not to say solved - not solved, go - do not go, and so on. Energy consumption enormous. The longer in this mode, the less force will have to carry out.
Why do we postpone and postpone? h2> The reason is that we are waiting for the onset of two conditions: ideally suitable time; full clarity. me just'll spare you the time and say that the first and second in the real world changes almost unattainable.
Pro is the perfect time. After 30, we all are overgrown bonds, houses, circumstances, we have already built into a course of things, and they themselves are perfectly will not develop so as to take all painless realign.
Pro full clarity. In a big change too many unknowns. The good news is that the uncertainty - it is often possible, and the other good news is that if you are blunted to target smart (as all of us have been taught), then you most of these opportunities just do not notice, stepping from, A to point B and not looking around.
Therefore, the only operating strategy for the big change - a strategy for open plan. Suitable for traveling in an unfamiliar space with obstructed visibility and a large number of variables.
Imagine that you are walking in a fog. Focus clear, but can be seen only two steps. Then you make two steps, then the next step or two while watching and listening carefully, what and how around and evaluate new information. Just? Ha. I can talk all day, how difficult it is for people to adopt such a model movement. And this is a separate topic of a larger article.
I have to say, if we with Roma someone told about it on the beach, we would not have burned three kilos of nerve cells, experiencing that reality is not very smart to be our calculations. One day we just scored on the original plans, became open and attentive, and it worked.
What about the responsibility for others? h2> The responsibility for others - it's not an excuse reinforced concrete and armor of all the changes, and the most underutilized superresurs.
By the way, if I ever once called escape from reality in search of himself - Throw me something better ball yesterday we threw in a place where balls are not returned. The child is sad.
Responsibility for the other - it's not something that hurt plans to start, this is what will help, when it is nothing more can not help. This is something that will not back down when run their own strength, quenched faith in yourself and faith in the project, and even ambitions. This is what raises the bed half-dead in any depressed because you can not afford to be sour. Prepare better. Move fast. There for whom. And the responsibility for others it becomes a powerful stimulus, which, as the practice shows, it is possible to go much faster and farther than if you're alone, and all alone.
Just turn in your target those who are responsible for. Think that they will win in the end. Even if the changes will only apply to the free schedule of work, at least you will have more children. And this is a lot.
Insurance of failure? Imagine that in our uncertain world and all so do not go the way you wanted. Only then you will suffer passively from last forces holding his imaginary stability that you so let down. And then in the gaps of your reality will no longer shine through something big, and now that you have built. And will a feeling of emptiness and outstretched. Do you have this insurance?
What to do? h2> Your strategy will depend on the level of "deferred" life.
If you're on stage 1 - think and look, is determined, try to understand that for the loss of the alternative, as it is the way it looks. Find the answer, what is your "why»!
If you're on step 2 - Check whether it is your dream and explore ways the approaches to it. The answer to the question why at this stage is already mandatory.
Because the dream can be an empty shell, a shell accidentally stuck to you the way, and you do not go there. Therefore it is necessary to act and checked. And then determine the direction.
If you are in the step 3 and the situation is toxic to unbearable - switch mode. From the "thinking" goes into "action».
Mode out of the impasse is activated when the bridges have not they smoke and all previous life bulldozer plowed decisive. This mode is the first step taken, and this step can be any small, careful and inconspicuous.
The main thing is that you are no longer a passive martyr of circumstances, and the person who is. Or crawling. Alas, at this stage, just lie in the direction of the dream is not a ride.