10 lessons from three decades of those over forty

+ 10 the wisdom and life opytu.Pisatel and entrepreneur Mark Manson, who recently turned 30, spoke to his blog readers over 37 years old to share their life by discoveries that they made for the last decade. Mark was more than six letters, and was surprised to find that some of the advice in one form or another are found in nearly every one.

Manson identified 10 of the most common tips. Website moved to its readers a sample of this collective wisdom.

1. Begin to save for retirement now «I have lived to 30 years, about anything without thinking, but after thirty you have to make a big financial breakthrough. Do not put off retirement savings later. You have to understand the importance of such boring things as insurance, pension plan and mortgages, as this weight will always be on your shoulders », - em> cache, 41 years old.

Almost every one present had sent a letter advice - start lead finances in order and set aside savings for the future today.

Readers are advised to do so:

As you can probably pay off all debts and loans. Create your own "stabilization fund" - thousands of people were left without livelihood due to illnesses, divorces, lawsuits or problems in business . Give a portion of each paycheck to the accelerated repayment of the loan or postpone a savings account. Do not spend frivolously. Do not buy an apartment, if you do not find an affordable mortgage for you or good credit conditions. Do not invest in what do not understand. Do not trust stockbrokers.
All readers agreed on one thing: start saving as early as possible and as much as possible. One woman wrote to me that at thirty she worked for low-skilled work and raised two children, but to save for a pension fund. She started to do it early and invested wisely, so it is 50 for the first time achieved material stability. She believes that nothing is impossible. Just have to work on it.

2. Start taking care of your health now «Your mind believes your body for 10-15 years younger than their actual age. Your health will go faster than you think, but you do not even notice » em>, - Tom, 55 years old.

We all know what we need to take care of their health. We know that you need to eat right, sleep more, exercise, and so on and so forth. But the opinion of older readers, as in the case of pension funds, was unanimous: Get healthy now and remained so until old age. This was said by almost every one of those who wrote to me, the way you treat your body has a cumulative effect. Your body does not break suddenly, imperceptibly it is destroyed over the years. Now you have a decade to slow the damage.

And it was not just the advice to "eat more vegetables." Cancer patients who have had a heart attack and stroke, diabetes and high blood pressure in one voice telling me: "If I could go back, I would have started to eat and play sports without stopping. I used to find excuses for myself, but have not yet imagined consequences ».

3. Do not waste time on those who do not apply to you «Learn to say" no "to people, actions and commitments that do not bring anything of value in your life» em>, - Haley, 37 years old.

After appeals to take care of health and finance, the most common advice sounded quite interesting: the readers would like to go back and build a more clear boundaries in his personal life, to spend more time with good people.

«Do not tolerate people who do not treat you well. Dot. Do not tolerate them for financial reasons. Do not tolerate them for emotional reasons. Do not tolerate them for the sake of your children or for your own good » em>, - Jane, 52 years old.

«Do not settle for mediocre friends, work, love, relationships, and life» em>, - Sean, 43 years old.

People usually struggle with the boundaries so as not to hurt other people's feelings, or they fall into the trap of wanting to change the other person, to please him, to force him to change his attitude towards them. It never works. In fact, everything just gets worse. One reader said wisely: "Selfishness and self-interest - are two different things. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind ».

In 20 years, the world is full of opportunities, and we have so little experience that we cling to people, even if they do not deserve it. But by the age of thirty, we understand that it is difficult to build a good relationship, that in the world there is no shortage of people with whom is friends, so there is no reason to waste time on those who will not help you in life.

4. Treat well to their readers blizkimMnogie advised to give as much time to family and friends.

«Appreciate those who are near. You can return to work or money, but you will never get lost time » em>, - Anna, 41 years old.

« The tragedy happening in the life of every person, in every circle of family and friends. Be the one to whom others can count on in a moment. I think that between thirty and forty starting to happen a lot of shit - and you even could not think that it will happen to you or your loved ones. Parents die, the spouse die, the children will be born dead, divorced friends ... the list is endless. You can not imagine how important it is in a difficult time just to be with someone, listen, do not condemn » em>, - Rebecca, 40 years old.

5. You can not have everything - focus on a few really important things «In life, everything is built on compromise. You will have to give up one to get more. Get over it » em>, - Eldri 60 years.

In 20 years, we have a lot of illusions. We think that we have all the time in the world. I myself used to think that my site will be only one of many activities. Little did I know then that most of the decade I spent trying to become competent only in this area. Now that I have all the necessary expertise, I love what I do, why should I throw it all for the sake of something else?

«One word: focus. You will be able to achieve more in life, if you focus on one thing and you do it very well » em>, - Erickson, 49 years old.

Several people pointed out that the majority of people randomly chooses a career at the turn of the twentieth, and, like almost all of our decisions at this age, the choice is wrong. It takes years to understand what we do well and what we like to do. It is best to focus on our strengths and bring them up to a maximum lifetime than doing a lot of things by half.

«I would advise himself thirty years to forget about what others think, and to determine its natural advantages, its interests and to build a life around them» em>, - Sarah, 58 years old.

For many people this is a big risk - the destruction of a career, the loss of income to which they have become accustomed ... All of this leads us to the next point.

6. Do not be afraid to take risks, you can still change «Most thirty believes that it is necessary to adhere to the chosen path, but really never too late to start over. Over the past ten years I have seen people who regretted only that left it at that, although I think it is wrong. These are quick ten years of life, when the days turn into weeks and weeks - in the years to come. In 40 years, they find themselves in a crisis of middle age, with the understanding that they did not do anything to solve the problem, which were aware 10 years ago » em>, - Richard, 41 years old.

«Most of all I regret what I have not done» em>, - Sam, 47 years old.

Many readers will have noticed that society requires us to thirty years "to decide" - career, family and financial situation, and so on. But this is not necessary. Dozens of readers begged to social expectations from the "adult" does not prevent you to take a chance and start from scratch.

«I will soon turn 41, and I would have told myself thirty years: you must not conform to the ideals in which you do not. Manage your life, do not let it control you. Do not be afraid to put everything at stake, you have the strength to start again » em>, - Liza, 41 years old.

Several readers have made major changes in his career of 30 years, and were happy. One left a lucrative job of a military engineer, to become a teacher. Twenty years later, he called the decision one of the best in my life. When I asked about her mother, she said, "If only I could think a little less standard. Your father and I have made something like a plan: first, what then another, and another ... Now I understand that it is not necessary to do. We were too limited in their thinking and way of life ».

«less fear. Less fear. Less fear. I'm almost 50 and I've just learned a lesson. Fear has caused enormous damage to my life at 30. He has negatively affected my marriage, my career, my self-esteem. I blame that worried about other people's opinion of me. I thought that failure. I worry about the consequences. If I could relive that time again, I would risk more » em>, - Aida, 49 years old.

7. You should continue to grow and develop «There are only two things that you can never recover once lost - your body and your mind. Most people fail to grow and work on yourself after twenty. At 30 they are too busy to worry about self-improvement. But if you're one of the few who continue to study, develop thinking and take care of your mental and physical health, you will be 40 light years ahead of their peers » em>, - Stan, 48 years old.

It follows that if a man can - and must - continue to change in his 30, he needs to work on ourselves to get better. Many readers said that sit behind the desk in 30 years - the best decision that they took in life. Some attended more seminars and courses, someone started his first business, or have moved to other countries.

«Your goal number 1 should be striving to become a better person, partner, parent, friend, colleague, etc. - In other words, to grow as a person » em>, - Emilie, 39 years old.

8. No one understands what he is doing. Get used to it «If you have not died - mentally, emotionally and socially - you can not predict your life in the next five years. Everything will not happen the way you expect. So just stop. Cease to plan ahead, get hung up on what's happening now, because it's all the same change. Overcome the desire to control over your life. However, fortunately, it is that you can use a bunch of chances and nothing to lose: you can not lose what you never had. Moreover, in most cases, a sense of loss - just a figment of your imagination. Over time it passes » em>, - Thomas, 56 years old.

When I summed up his two decades, one of the most important lessons was "no one understands what he is doing." Now, however, I realized that this rule works, and later - in fact, it works all his life.

«Almost everything you think is important right now, seem insignificant 10 or 20 years later. This is normal. This is called "growth." Just try to remember that you should not take yourself too seriously » em>, - Simon, 57 years old.

«Contrary to the feeling of invulnerability during this decade, you are like anyone else, you can not know what really happens. Although it bothers those who are accustomed to the permanence and security, but in fact you'll be free as soon as accept this simple truth: everything changes. Yes, there will be hard times. Do not try to avoid them and numb the pain. Grief comes in everyone's life, in whose breast beats the heart of a lively and warm. Be proud of it. You just need to try to be kind to yourself and to others - in the end, it's just a beautiful journey and we can make it better and more enjoyable » em>, - Prue, 48 years old.

«I am 44, and I would like to say thirty years currently, 40 my life will still be filled with silly things varied, but - silly. So, I'm thirty-year, do not judge too harshly. You still do not know anything. And it is good » em>, - Shirley, 44 years old.

9. to invest in your family - it's worth it «Spend more time with their parents. Against me, when you are growing up, and only depends on you, as they will. Parents will always see you as a child, until you show them themselves as an independent adult. All age. Everyone dies. Use the remaining time to enjoy fellowship with his family » em>, - Cash, 41 years old.

I was struck by the number of tips on the family and the power of these councils. In this decade, the family has become an important topic, touching me on both sides. Your parents are aging and you have to think about how you will build a relationship with them as adults. Also, you should think about creating your own family.

Most readers agreed that it is time to forget all grudges and disagreements with your parents. In one of the letters I read the following: "You are too old to blame the parents in their shortcomings. In 20 years, you could just run away from home. But at 30 you should already do as an adult. Really. Be above it ».

But then another question arises: have a child or not?

«You have not got time. You have no money. You must first build a career. Children will put an end to your usual life. Oh, come on! The children - that's fine. They make you better in every way. They push you beyond your capabilities. They make you happy. Do not put off having children. If you are 30 and you have not already done so, now is the time » em>, - Kevin, 38 years old.

«The time will never be" appropriate "for the birth of children, because you do not understand what it is, until you try. If you have a good marriage, try to make them as soon as possible, you will get a lot of joy » em>, - Cindy, 45 years old.



The agreement between the spouses is obviously the foundation of any marriage, of course, if you build a healthy relationship with the right person (if not - see paragraph 3).

But what is interesting, and I have received many such letters:

«Everything that I have learned over the last 10 years - it's bars, women, beaches, cocktails, travel to different cities ... I did not have any liability, other than work. But I would have traded it all for a good woman who would love me for real ... family. I would add that it is better to start a family than to care only about success at work. I still get a kick out of life, but sometimes I feel like a party guy who continues to go to school after I finished it. I see people in love around. "All" at my age already entered in the first or second marriage! To all my married friends seem to be that a bachelor's cool, but I would not advise anyone to choose a life », em> - an anonymous, 43 years old.

«I have always told myself to stop looking for a suitable game and focus on the relationship with someone of the good, the good guys, who really cared about me. Now I'm alone and I feel that it is too late to change it » em>, - Farah, 38 years old.

On the other hand, a few letters shows a second side of the coin:

«You do not have to start a family and children, you do not want this. What makes one happy, it does not make everyone happy. I chose the solitude and still live a happy and fulfilling life. Do only what they themselves think is right » em>, - anonymous, 40 years old.

So, not all the family recognized the absolute necessity for happiness, but most felt that it's still worth investing in family relationships, if they add sensible and harmonious.

10. Be kind to yourself and respect yourself «Be a little selfish and do something good for yourself every day, something new - every month, and something amazing - every year» em>, - Nancy 60 years.

This advice was rarely in the spotlight, but it is present in every letter in one form or another: treat yourself better.