English humor post

Englishman can be recognized by three features: stiffness, arrogance and sense of humor that will never be understood by foreigners. Many believe that the subtle humor of the mind, while others simply do not see anything funny in it.

< Website I chose the "sweet" of this strange English humor for those who are in the subject.

  • Diplomatic Englishman to tell the secretary that she was fired, puts it:
    - Miss Jones, you're so great to perform its duties, that I even do not know what we would do without you. But on Monday we still try.
    • Bookshop, London. Comes buyer.
      - Hello, sir. Say, you have a book on useless dialogues?
      - Yes, sir.
      - All right.
      • - Sir, let me express to you my sympathy. I heard that your wife ran off with your lackey.
        - Nonsense. I'm still going to fire him.
      • Sinks ship. An Englishman with a pipe in his mouth drawn to the captain:
        - Cer, some of the boats for smokers?
      • Two Englishman playing golf. One long aims can not hit.
        - Today I am not sure of himself - as if apologizing, he says. - I'm afraid I do not get - there is my wife away.
        - Yes - I agree the second - from a distance it is difficult to get there.
        • One lady told the gentleman about my first husband:
          - I met him at 20, and left him in the 23.
          - Yes, I think that three hours is enough.

          • - I understand why the robber took the money from the safe and jewelry. But why he took his wife, Lord?
            - I think that the Lord was not sought.
            • In the London club for the elite talk two Lord.
              - Yesterday at a reception at the Princess Polimbuk - says one of them - the grandfather of Princess accidentally kissed my hand.
              - And what happened next?
              - Tragedy. Congenital stroke caused me to the end of the evening to portray a woman.
              • The English Lady is calling a lackey:
                - Now you go to my svekpovi Mrs. Chattepli to the hospital, she was very seriously ill, and inquire about her well-being.
                The waiter left and returned a tris hours.
                - Well, how? You were with Mrs. Chattepli? Spposil how she feels?
                - Yes, ma'am.
                - Hoposho, you can go.
                • The Englishman returns home and finds his wife with her lover. Naked lover in a panic jumps out of bed, rush to the bathroom, grab a towel there and throws it around the hips. The enraged husband, seeing this, throws him to the wild cry of "No!».
                  My wife thinks, well, everything now would kill. Suitable for the bathroom and sees - there husband in hysterics, pained voice:
                  - No! Not this! This - for the face!

                  • Midnight. House Englishman. The phone rings. Sleepy host picks up the phone:
                    - Hello!
                    - This is the number 11-11?
                    - No, it's the number 1-1-1-1!
                    - Are you sure it's not 11-11?
                    - Absolutely! It 1-1-1-1!
                    - In this case, I'm sorry to wake you up!
                    - Scary, I still have to get up, because the phone rang.
                    • - Barrymore, it was squelching in my shoes?
                      - Oatmeal, sir.
                      - But what makes the oatmeal in my shoes ?!
                      - Squish, sir.
                      • - Everybody says that Charles - a terrible hypochondriac. What it actually means?
                        - Hypochondriac - is a person who feels good only when feeling bad.
                        • In the British hotel porter comes to American tourists eagerly zhmuschemu the elevator button.
                          - Sir, the elevator will be here soon.
                          - Lift? Oh, you mean elevator.
                          - No, sir, here we call it lift em>.
                          - But since it was invented in America, it's called elevator em>.
                          - Yes, sir, but since language was invented here, it's called lift em>.

                          See also:
                          Odessa look at family life
                          20 postcards about the favorite wives and husbands

                          via www.adme.ru/svoboda-narodnoe-tvorchestvo/20-otkrytok-pro-lyubimyh-zhen-i-muzhej-876910/


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