4 sure sign unpromising relationship

John Gottman has studied the problems of marriage and the family for 40 years. He was quite a five-minute conversation to a 91-percent accuracy to predict whether the couple is waiting for a divorce. As he defines it? In his book, "The Seven Principles of a successful marriage," Gottman calls the four indicators, which can tell whether a marital relationship Future:

1. Criticism
2. contempt
3. The defensive behavior
4. Otmalchivanie

Gottman studies have shown that the relationship breaks is not a difference of opinion and preferences of the couple. 69% of the problems can not be solved in a couple. They will not go away, despite the fact that many are fighting year after year, trying to change each other. Most of these conflicts are related to the fundamental things: a way of life, personality characteristics or values. Such an argument - a waste of time and emotional energy. What to do with the fact that you can not change? Take it as it is.

Psychologist Dan Wyle wrote in his book "After the honeymoon" "When you choose a partner with whom intend to live your life ... you will inevitably get and a set of intractable problems that you have to deal with the next ten, twenty or fifty years».

And a few more interesting facts from the book of John Gottman:

"A bad marriage increases susceptibility to disease by about 35%, and even shorten life by an average of four years».

"In 96% of cases for the first three minutes, you can predict what the outcome of fifteen-minute conversation»

"I found that in 94% of the future couple has a pleasant shared memories, too, is happy. If memories are changed and distorted - this alarm ».

Source: www.mixstuff.ru

via factroom.ru


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