Military Department Bashny.Net

All half dozen tasks on calculation of angles and distances in artellerii very simple and elementary programmed us to the ancient calculator MK61 (?). Naturally, the military tried to automate this business. First, given the task of institution somewhere in Russia to design a calculator just for these tasks. The Institute has successfully coped - calculator was modern, small, light and easy on the battery. All thought was right. In tests it turned out that it is not appropriate - it is too easy to steal. For a month almost all calculators have attached feet. (I really do not understand why they were stolen). It was necessary to solve this problem. Do you think they just ordered the same institution to build in the same calculator in a large and heavy box? Figure out there! It has been given the same reference to another institution (Azerbaijan) with additional conditions on the large size and weight. Guys developers deal with it, even overdone. The result was a box car as the two heavy, old-fashioned scoreboard and zhruschey cloud of energy. But that's not all. This "fool" still managed to be wrong sometimes. And as for the mistake and someone's death by "friendly fire" will be put not a calculator, and you, then if time officer dubbed "computer" hand account. It teaches us to always strongly recommended to do the same.

Lectures on communication led Colonel - a terrible prankster. In his classes, we went with pleasure. From him we learned that the cable and telephone sets in the army have not changed since the war. In the study of telephone (SLT-43?), The teacher announced that the device is dual-purpose and can also be used to shock torture. It has a generator - turn the handle and supply current. Already in just a minute it was the first cry - students quickly guessed how torture and immediately began testing. A banging current apparatik this painful infection. It turned out that the station has a second purpose - as a footrest. Occupation in the hangar. In howitzers 2S3M have a wedge-gate weight of 90kg. This lesson had a few issues and one of them - the disassembly / assembly of the shutter. We were divided into several groups, each placed at his desk with some part of the howitzer. Mayor (not brake) began not with us, we had to wait until he's finished with the others and come to our table. We were bored and we began to think of themselves as this "fool" assembled and disassembled. We found three ways when there are no "extra" parts. Then another culled. You're two ways, and it is unclear which is correct. I went to another table and asked Major to help. He said: "Boys, I have 10 years in the army - a wedge-gate may collect only way, otherwise he would not meet in principle." I did not let up. "Okay, I am free after 5 minutes, coming to you." Come to our table, we show it both ways. "There was a third, but then did not move in." Major-minute stared looked at the gate, and then said, "You know that the lads, I'll tell you later, okay?". Later we rasborku / assembly of the shutter handed over on time.

We had one guy who constantly braked. He continually hit the idiotic story, but it remained an incorrigible optimist. He clearly knew that the brake is that it is stupid and no per gram not upset. He was extremely diligent. All shocked him each semester miraculously flew from University at a time when many are not stupid flying. Constantly re-take, he retakes. At the 1st course of lectures on physics lecturer he sent for his chalk, and when he brought said, "You remind me in the exam, I will assess the ball is enhanced". At the end of the second semester physics student takes the third time, and again gets two. Departure from uni 100% And he says, "And remember, I am of the chalk for you go?" ... And get 3 points! And this every semester. In the end, he managed to finish university. On the Commissar, he threw the same conic. He asked Colonel something about the purpose of the angle, fit, he looks not so drew on SCP, and it is completely empty! Colonel shocked: "Student, Yo ... be where you firing position? !!" And here it turns out that the student does not know what a firing position and how to draw. And this is after a few months of training! The colonel lost the gift of speech, shock, even mothers can not. He walks through the audience and can only utter a "fellow student! Fellow student! Well, a fellow student !!!!! "This student and managed to finish the military commissar. Probably not for the diligence expelled.
Ends a pair of "artillery fire", to add the SCP. The student has not yet learned to fold correctly (and then never learned). Colonel _St ... B-, "a fellow student. As you add the SCP ?! Do not tell me when you have it crumble, that's what I taught you well put. " The pair ended the SCP to take the bear in the back room, a student in the corridor SCP crumbles. Ensign: "Fellow student who taught you so EPM add?". The student, without thinking for a second, "Colonel _St ... B-!" Prapor in a stupor.
We always explain what might be called Lieutenant Colonel, Colonel, but in any case, not vice versa. The same student managed to constantly call lieutenant colonels colonels.

Classes on the chassis were always last. It was after lunch. Prof yelled as his commanding voice that I had in the back row in the ears ringing. I do not know how people survived in the front row. Once again, I realized how great to have good eyesight. Nevertheless, we were by this time tired to death with a full stomach and covered under these powerful sounds. Prof and raised periodically anyone at recess, and drove everyone in the corridor. The end of the second class was perceived as the greatest happiness for the endure had no strength. Some of our found their entertainment. In the audience was full of visual aids - Engine pieces howitzers. They managed to the end of the second lesson to anyone in the bag something quietly put. Typically, the "victim" to detect a foreign object in his bag only after the checkpoint. It was funny to everyone except the victims. At some point, someone suddenly stopped laughing, his pierced guess. He climbed into the bag and also finds a piece of iron. Then he was no longer a laughing matter. Amazing that the volumetric and "fool" the weight of a couple of killograma often not detected on time. Victim to know what to do and just gently put her "detail" in the garbage near the checkpoint. I hope that then "detail" came back to the classroom. In fact, it is necessary to kill for such jokes.

All Lenin's room became the "parlor", instead of Lenin - Shevchenko everywhere instead of quotations from Lenin - quotations from Shevchenko. The department "artillery fire" a large poster with a quote in large letters «I vono scho Takeo? I zvidkilya vono come from? I Cudi yde? ". Apparently some student pinned much about what was then (and still) going on in the country.

Initially, we are constantly trying to prove that what we said, and the correct answer - "the same." Once we gave the example of a colonel in the "same thing." "Hen laid an egg." _Pauza Several sekund_ "Completely!" We were amazed and more on this topic did not argue. I do not know where he picked up that phrase, but the effect was strong.

The department "tactics" in the corridor a huge poster of the "rules of sharpening pencils." Huge sharpened pencil drawing with dimensions and angles. Most of all I killed that sharpening under 15grad. wrong, and under 30g. - Right. I wonder how this angle measure?

In the military, all the jokes were a large number of mats exclusively on the topic of sex. The theme itself and the presence of the names of the genitalia serve them instead of the word "spade". Nothing funny about them was not. Usually, the teacher laughed, and hundreds of students at a lecture - no. And with the periodic case "military insanity," it was the opposite. Once the end of the lecturer of the department was deeply moved and gave us: "You are civil some strange. When you tell anecdote - nobody laughs. And when you tell Serious stuff - you valites with laughter. " So we learned that our military, in turn, is also believe tormzami :-)