All I know about women

"All I know about women, I learned from a two-year niece»
Ted VEGF, «The Times»

I'm Single. I thirties. For 20 years, I'm trying to understand women - but it does not always work. It was only six months ago I had the opportunity to look into the consciousness of women to understand how it is arranged.

This helped me Lou Lou, my two year old niece. I know, I know: once I am an adult, it is I'm supposed to teach her all sorts of useful things, and not vice versa, but in this case, learning was mutual. I taught her a wink, deliberately let the winds, burp and count to 10. In the latter case - is not entirely successful. "One, two, three, seven, nine, ten" - which I personally quite happy: I have always believed that the value numeral "four", "five", "six" and "eight" is somewhat exaggerated. Instead, two months, I learned about women more than learned from experience over two decades. Do not think that I believe that a woman - a two-year kids that deserve appropriate treatment. I love my niece. I respect my niece. For my niece, I covered an unexploded grenade - and not just to amuse the baby. Actually, I fall on the grenade only if a real danger that it will explode, and the girl suffer. Every woman - personality, and I make generalizations, but in the soul of a two-year Lou Lou lives undiluted, unspoiled nature - so to speak, an expression of the unconscious, Freud "it" - femininity. I will list what I've learned.

1. Ignore them

If you entered the room, I podkachus to Lou Lou, like a clown, trying to take her and entertain, she pretended not to notice me at all. As if I did not exist. If I pass by it, then, I guarantee she call out my name and want to play with me.

2. Bribe them

Gifts - this effectively. It is advisable to noisy or shiny. In the case of Lou Lou, this means that we need singing stuffed animals and hair clips with glitter. Apparently, adult women are analogue, for example, cars and jewelry.

3. Do they compliment

I always thought - and in vain - that compliments like diamonds: they say, they are valued only when rare. Throw a big party on the market, and they are worthless. Not at all. Lou Lou defecate in his diaper, all applaud - as if she had just been invented, how to effectively save the planet from hunger - and the baby just blooms with joy. The same method works in relations with adult women, although, of course, I mean the common methodology rather than a vivid example shown here (alas, this lesson I learned at the cost of some of the victims).

4. Listen to their

All my life I tried to guess in advance what women want. But you can not strain. If I am attentive, Lou Lou clearly tell me what he wants: to eat, dance, puppets, jump, run, sing, play, read. I can only arrange everything. How much easier life was, I would, if I had listened to what women say and act in accordance with their words.

5. Ask for forgiveness

No matter what you've done. It does not matter if you do not know what you've done. Maybe I'm terribly insulted Lou Lou, placing her in the wrong doll stroller. What do you think me or petty offense, for her - something comparable to the genocide. The best method - surrender her mercy and begging for forgiveness. But the voice you must be sincere. Optionally, you sincerely repented, - enough to pretend. Just two and two - but the mass of men ignore this advice ...

6. Wants - let him do

No matter what was going on. No matter how stupid it may seem to you this business or activity, do not let it - let him do. If we Lou Lou something came into our heads, it was not dissuaded. Strictly speaking, supports women in her endeavor, and even encouraged. And then sit back and hope that she will find what a silly idea. The trouble is that it may consider the idea wonderful. Somehow I did not understand how, for two hours in a puppet play and make-believe tea party drank cups of tea so that later the evening fun run to the toilet.

7. Do not tell them what to do

The best way to ensure that it does not do what you want from it - is to tell her that she did it. The wisest - to create her impression that the initiative comes from it. I am very proud, for example, because convinced Lou Lou: watch the final of the Rugby World Cup is much more fun than playing in a sandbox.

8. Do not complain about them to life

This is the moment complicated. I mean that a woman should not be burdened with their petty problems. When I complain Lou Lou at the wrong meeting or back pain, she remains completely indifferent, but if you do something wrong, she instinctively feels it and hugs me - unbelievable spirit lifts me.

9. Do not fight

It's just pointless. In a dispute, you never win, and if they win, nothing good it will not give: her long spoil the mood. Speaking frankly, why run up? And then we move on to my final and most important recommendation:

10. Do not bring them to tears

There is no more depressing picture of how to see that huge, innocent brown eyes Lou Lou filled with tears and her mouth opens wide, drooling and converted into an air-raid siren mourning, which pierces my heart. When she was crying, I was completely defenseless in front of her. And science is no known means of crying there. Give her something to eat? Show monkey in front of her? Buy her a pony? Gouge out his eye with a toothpick? I am ready to do anything to it just did not cry ... and she was crying ...