One man says to another:
- Let's go to the women, and?
- And why did not he go?
- Well, you - a professional, and I - well, amateur.
- Well, I've got two girls in mind now, and go to them.
- And they are beautiful?
- Well, one beautiful and the other - well, for an amateur.
The son asks his mother:
- Mom, a giraffe, too, have horns - he means deer?
The mother replies:
- Look at the Pope - he too has horns, but is it a deer?
The car braked at customs.
- Weapons? Drugs?
- No, you!
Open the trunk - and there is Kalashnikov.
- What is that ??!
- How calculator! Now I have a calculator! (pulls out of his pocket).
- Uh, your calculator to preliminary calculations, and mine - for the final.
Go away, please, immediately, or I'll call her husband - says the hostess beggar.
- And your husband is not home.
- How do you know?
- The man who married a woman who comes home only to eat.
Addict came to the dentist and says:
- Doctor, I pull out the tooth.
- You under local or general anesthesia?
- What, gone crazy !? Under the general course!
And so 32 times ...
Ensign saw the head lying on the parade ground.
-Orderly! What is it?
'Head, comrade lieutenant!
-Vizhu That golova.Pochemu not trimmed ?!
Sergeant is the mirror and comb.
-Something My hair began to fall out.
-Nothing Udivitelnogo.Po spring every creature fades, says his soldiers.
-Comrade Ensign And crocodiles fly?
-Sho-On !? Who told you such garbage?
-You See, Comrade Sergeant, in fact they are flying, but a short, low-ceilinged!
Comes a sergeant in the barracks.
-Soldat Why not shelled boots?
-And It does not concern you.
What-0-o?! - A blow to the face.
Why not shelled boots?
-And It does not concern me.
-I Train and I said so immediately.
Sit means three men in a boat, rybachat.Noch, begins to dawn. One says: - The sun rises!
Second: - Yes, such a beautiful sunrise for a long time not seen!
The third two kicks throws the first two out of the boat.
Guys emerges: - What!?!
- First for offtopic, the second for the flood.
- What do you mean exactly ohrenel ???!
A man pulls a paddle and hrus both on the head:
- A ban for insulting !!!
Two soldiers creep into exploration ...
Suddenly one hand vlyapyvaetsya shit.
- Ha-ha-ha !!!
First (plugging his mouth smeared hand):
- Hello, Doctor?
- Yes, I'm listening.
- Help, I have severe diarrhea. Even the toilet can not stand. What should I do? Advise anything!
- Well, this has a lot of money. Try, for example, lemon.
- Yes, already tried, only when I pull it, it all starts over again.