Standing on the river Moscow (read more)

On rasvete Russian tanks came to Moscow. At the head of the car opened the tower door. He stuck out his hand with a megaphone. Behind it - the head of Lieutenant Petrov.
 - Surrender, chocks! - Petrov yelled into a megaphone. - Surrender, and it will be worse!
Because of the barricade which blocks the entry by the Moscow Ring Road, looked Brigadier Huhu.
 - I had your mother, muzzle kike! - He shouted. - The Mujahideen do not give up!

He showed the lieutenant Petrov "facts" and in any case immediately hid.
The tank commander's heavy step approached Colonel Rukosuev.
 - Lieutenant! - He snapped. - What kind of amateur ?! Megaphone here. And he removed the non-Russian hlimelo the hatch quickly. And then the enemy dick knows what we think about. Petrov gave a megaphone and said resentfully:
 - Sami ponabrali army dick knows who, and now swear.
Then, as ordered, he removed non-Russian hlimelo the hatch. Colonel Rukosuev picked up a megaphone and shouted:

 - Surrender, chocks! And it will be worse!
 - I'm your mom, Russian pig! - Said Brigadier Huhu.
From the hatch again he leaned Petrov.
 - Ohrenet constructive conversation - he said.
 - Well, the wali to Israel, if so smart - Colonel pouted. - How am I supposed to say to the chocks, do you think?
 - Now we will explain - said Petrov. - Vaughn drew Pindos.

For negotiators short rushes, then jumping out of the tank, then hiding them, moving military advisor Captain Morgenstern.
 - A fool, and chocks afraid - said Rukosuev. - Smart means. Or maybe not smart?
 - You yourself would have gone for the armor - advised Petrov.
 - I stand on their own land, - said Lt. Col. gravely.
Morgenstern ran, sat down at the stern of the tank.
 - Well? - He asked in broken Russian.
 - What? - I did not understand Rukosuev.

 - What the hell is going on? - Said Morgenstern.
 - Listen, speak our language, Pindos accident, huh? - Vzyarilsya Colonel. - What have you in your fucking West Point taught?
 - I'm going to complain - clearly he uttered Morgenstern.
 - Yeah! - Rukosuev happy. - I hear the voice of a boy, but her husband.
Morgenstern pulled out his interpreter and began to press the buttons.
 - Leave the open space! - An iron voice demanded an electronic machine.
 - Realized - Rukosuev nodded and picked up a megaphone.

 - Leave the open space! - He shouted toward the barricade.
 - Sam you leave open space! I'm your mom! - Came the answer.
Petrov looked at Rukosueva sadly and said:
 - You poor Pindos would bring sooner or later. He svihnetsya, and we'll be in trouble.
 - And do not fuck me! - Proudly answered Rukosuev.
Morgenstern continued to press the buttons.
 - Tell the enemy that you are acting under the mandate of NATO! - Said the interpreter.
 - Manda you! - Rukosuev shouted into a megaphone.
 - Sam asshole!
 - For the answer asshole, asshole!

 - And you will answer for the goat!
 - Kindergarten - summed Petrov and lit it.
Morgenstern stuck because of the tank's hand and pulled the lieutenant colonel of the leg.
 - Who are you?! Surname! - Lt. Col. surprised. - Oh, it's you ...
 - Tell the enemy that under the Treaty of Washington in 2013 they occupied the area should be returned to the jurisdiction of Moscow!
Rukosuev scratched his head.
 - You translate, Comrade Colonel? - Said Petrov.
Rukosuev showed him the fist. Again raised the megaphone.
 - Well, then, chocks! - He shouted. - Since you said the commander of the armored forces of Colonel Rukosuev Moscow! Here Pindos councilor says that you have to get off my land voluntarily. And you know about that ?!
 - Say Pindos, that I was his mother had! - We asked from behind the barricades.
 - Lieutenant! Translate!

 - Answer negative, - Lieutenant translated.
 - For me, you are not all translated - said Rukosuev.
 - Answer negative and fuck you, - recovered Lieutenant.
 - That's better, - I have agreed to lieutenant colonel.
Morgenstern, squatting, puzzled blinked and shook his head. Then he leaned over the translator.
 - Tell the enemy that under the Treaty of Washington in 2013 in the case of refusal to release illegally-held territory of NATO forces reserve the right to aggression.

 - Finally - Rukosuev satisfaction grunted and yelled:
 - Well, now hangs, chocks!
 - Good lie! What Pindos says? - Resounded from behind the barricades.
 - That's the thing speaks!
 - Can not be!
 - Could! All lumps hung under the Washington Treaty in 2013!
 - Pindosskie pig! - Screamed Brigadier Huhu.
 - The Mujahideen do not give up! - Prompted him Rukosuev.
 - Sam asshole!

 - Repeatable - Rukosuev smiled. - Nervous, chuchmeki.
Petrov disappeared into the hatch, and then got back with a plastic cup. I leaned down and handed a glass of lieutenant colonel.
 - Coffee.
 - And me? - Said an iron voice translator.
Rukosuev jumped in surprise.
 - Damn, damn, - he said, taking the cup. - Do Pindos too. Only weaker.
Morgenstern unbuckled the belt of the radio and started something in her mutter.
 - Complains bastard that he was the first coffee is not given, - he explained Rukosuev lieutenant.
 - Maybe he even rewind of toilet paper? - Contemptuously threw Petrov.
 - I do not even think.

 - And I did not mean to, Comrade Colonel.
Rukosuev finished his coffee cup back lieutenant waited for again poured and gave a hazy liquid Morgenstern.
 - Well, what we shall do? - He asked the counselor. - A? Why are you silent, pindosina? Come Eat our Russian kofeek. Perhaps choke and kill you.
Morgenstern gagged, doused himself with coffee and began to cough painfully. Colonel went behind the tank and from the heart cracked Adviser on the back.
 - Not dead - he stated, going back into the open.
Because of the barricades seemed shaved head.
 - Russian! Tell Pindos - Treaty wrong!
 - Who cares?! We are on your contracts with horseradish Pindos! Hang up, chocks!
 - You NATO troops!
 - And us horseradish!
 - You Russian ...
 - And so we horseradish on !!!

The head disappeared. Petrov smoked again, looking at the barricade.
 - And then shoot it once? - he asked. - A warning.
 - Then Pindos exactly die. The Washington Treaty about shooting anything. It says that all leave voluntarily as soon as NATO troops arrive.
Morgenstern for tank sneezing and spitting. Petrov smoked. Rukosuev waited.
 - Hey, Russian! - Called for the barricades. - Look, you went home, huh?
Petrov swore and climbed the tower.
 - Lieutenant! - Shouted Rukosuev.
Petrov leaned back.
 - You throw me these Jewish things - advised Rukosuev peacefully.
 - Would you then say that I accidentally caught on the descent.
 - Yeah, boots ... As you were, Lieutenant. Calmer.
Morgenstern again muttered into the radio.
 - Now he complains that I hit him - suggested Rukosuev. - Schmuck.
From the tail of the column ran orderly.
 - Comrade Colonel, go to breakfast.
 - Bring here. I and the lieutenant.
 - There is.

Morgenstern finished communicating with a walkie-talkie, and resumed his translator.
 - Reported you enemy that NATO troops reserve the right to ...
 - Already twice - interrupted Rukosuev.
 - Twice, - Lieutenant translated.
Morgenstern fell into a reverie.
There were some soldiers in a chef coats and hats. A couple of minutes in the middle of the road wearing the white cloth covered table laden with dishes. They brought two chairs. Petrov got off the armor.
 - What do we have today? - Rukosuev asked, sitting down. - Once the eggs? OK OK. Lieutenant join.
 - Russian! - Shouted from behind the barricades. - Vodka want?
 - Just nervous, chock - Colonel grinned. - Look, flirts.
For a while nothing happened. Russian breakfast, Morgenstern blankly looked at his interpreter.
 - Russian! A Russian!

 - What do you want? - Vaguely Rukosuev asked, chewing.
 - How much you're still here?
 - And you've got that, pray? Go smeared! We are here to stay. Forever.
 - That's the same pig ... - sounded from behind the barricades.
Colonel eggs washed down with a huge mug of coffee, sat back in his chair and thoughtfully looked at his stomach.
 - When the war - he said - I Play Sports. I will run. Every morning. Well, not everyone, but at the weekend for sure. On Sundays.
Morgenstern came out of the prostration and again picked up radio transmissions.
 - And I'll go to the village, - said Petrov, taking a cigarette.
 - Fired or what? Come on. Between us, you should an asterisk are about kapnet.
 - Thank you, of course, but ... Tired of Pindos serve. Head better apiary, mead will drive. You come to visit.
 - You do not Pindos and serve the Motherland! - Said Colonel firmly. - How would say Stalin, Hitler come and go, but Russian remains.
 - Hmm ... - I said to Peter and said no more.
It was a clear morning. The sun rose higher and higher above Moscow. Petrov was smoking, blowing smoke into the sky. Colonel squinted disapprovingly on sticking out of concrete Moscow Ostankino needle minaret.

Morgenstern made a vague sound, probably trying to attract attention.
 - What do you want? - Asked Rukosuev. - Guzzle hunting? Alas, nothing at all left.
 - In connection with the crisis situation Command gave the order to retreat for consultation and regroup! - Announced translator.
 - Well, he retreats - kindly agreed Rukosuev.
Advisor to the radio clipped on a belt, put the translator in your pocket and short dashes rode the tail of the column to its "Hammer".
 - Pindos - absolutely without expression colonel said.
I thought and added:
 - That's because God has sent us a fool. Oh, and feed it stopped, the second week suhpaem gags, and still can not wiser.
Approached fighters began to collect from the table.
 - Listen to the order - said the Colonel, no one else looking. - From this moment Pindos a gram of coffee. Bring all personnel.
 - There is.

The soldiers took the bowl, picked up the table and left.
 - Hey! - Colonel shouted after him. - And I know that someone gave Pindos toilet paper - demote and will set it!
Petrov got up, stretched, climbed onto a tank and told the hatch:
 - Go have breakfast.
Out of the car climbed sleepy tankers.
Petrov looked to Moscow, looked at the colonel.
 - So what? - he asked. - We get to camp here?
Rukosuev crossed his legs, scratched the gray stubble on his chin and said:
 - ... And they shall call it later, "Standing on the river Moscow." Are you ready to make history, Lieutenant?
 - Heap of history is not ready - quickly replied the lieutenant. - A log - always please.
Colonel stood up and began to pace back and forth across the highway.
 - Russian! - Called for the barricades. - Well, what are you stuck? Why not retreat?
Rukosuev looked at the lieutenant.
 - Pindos snitched - said he. - I bet.
Colonel put his hands behind his back and frowned at the barricade.
 - Vodka give the box! - Shouted out. - One for the road!
Colonel reached out and snapped his fingers. The lieutenant quickly handed him a megaphone.
 - Well, two boxes! - Screamed behind the barricade. - There is no more, I swear to my mother!
Rukosuev thoughtfully shaking his megaphone.
 - Two and a half box! More precisely not! Just go away already, for Christ's sake!
Petrov on the tower insulting laugh.
 - Something I do not like "Standing on the river Moscow", - said a lieutenant colonel. - From a strategic standpoint it is a great honor, of course. You'll see, even in the textbooks would get ... But not that. Boring sounds.
 - "Battle of Moscow"? - Suggested Petrov.
Rukosuev raised his megaphone, directed to the barricade bell and yelled:
 - Hey, chock! Surname!!!
 - Two and a half box! .. Brigadier Juju!

Rukosuev lowered his megaphone.
 - Thank you, chock, - he said quietly. Returned megaphone Petrov and in response to his questioning glance explained:
 - There is no such historical battles to the commander did not know the name of your enemy.
Petrov nodded and put a megaphone somewhere in the tower.
He ran orderly.
 - Comrade Colonel! There Pindos worried. He asks when we will go.
 - Do not go - cut Rukosuev. - Go tell the chief of staff, after breakfast, I appointed a war with chocks. Yes, special mention - Pindos know this is not necessary.
 - There is! - Orderly beaming face and ran away as fast as it rose above the asphalt dust.
 - Look, Lieutenant, - said Rukosuev - war as a soldier rejoices. Do you want to quit.
Petrov lit up again, crumpled in his fist an empty cigarette pack and threw it on the roadside.
 - Can I change my mind.

Because of the barricades someone waving a white cloth.
 - Battle of Moscow ... - dreamily stretched Lieutenant.
 - Vodka! Two and a half box! - Screamed behind the barricade. - And a woman! Do you want a woman, Russian ?! Baba is good, you will not regret!
Rukosuev laughed unkindly.
 - No, Lieutenant, not a battle.
Petrov waited. And the lieutenant colonel said:
 - Moscow massacre.
The sun rose higher in the cloudless sky over the ancient Russian city.


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