My friend Kolyan going fishing. This time he decided to go alone - without a godfather and a wife. Already departed from the garage, a stray thought flashed in my head Kohl. New Izhevsk shotgun bought at a premium has not made a single shot. Take shrouded gun, box of ammunition, a hunting license and permission to take a little time.
As he later said, he reached the place only in the evening. I put the car on the beach and built a fire. The beginning of autumn was warm, and Nick decided to spend the night in the car hasty supper, laid Kolyan seat and fell asleep. The fatigue of the last days, fresh air, a bottle of wine and a foretaste of the fish, quickly made themselves felt, and the fisherman fell into a deep and healthy sleep.
At dawn Kolyan washed, quickly disassembled and set up and prepared to tackle catching, putting breakfast on a couple of hours. Sandwiches are wrapped in newspaper, lying on the back seat. Fish wandered on top, but the fish was not. Kolya decided to try to combine fishing with hunting. Assemble and charge the gun took exactly one minute. Kolya did not watch the floats, he waited for the appearance on the surface of large fishes, ready to shoot immediately.
When the voltage reached a peak before Kolyano heard suspicious sounds from the machine. Slowly turning his head, Kolya froze in disbelief and outrage. A hefty bull, having put his head into the open the left rear door of the car, thoughtfully munching sandwiches. Then the fisherman realized that was without breakfast. But this is not indignant Kolya Bull eat all the sandwiches, newspapers, and chewed a shirt, which were documents and money! Kolyan bent down, put his gun, picked up a stone the size of a good brick, and swung, trying to get a horned cattle in the ass. But when the cast went on a slippery foot coastal grass, brick path and got changed just in the rear view mirror on the driver! Ringing glass mat Kolyano not made any impression on the bull, except that he became chewing vigorously. Anger Kolyano passed the stage of uncontrollable tsunami. The gun in his hand turned out instantly! The only thing that Kolya could never do is to make an aimed shot at a defenseless animal. But outraged nature Kolyano demanded satisfaction, and doublet ... sounded in the air, over the bull's head.
Hundreds of birds, frightened by the double shot, flew from their nests and raised an extraordinary hubbub. But not only birds soared. Steer fright somehow rushed into the cabin, diagonally laid out on the machine seats at the rear left door to the front passenger seat where the hopelessly stuck. Not so very bull, his horns. Similarly, over the passenger seat horn pierced the roof and carefully stuck on the machine, as the new-fangled satellite dish. Roof reshaped, began to resemble a tent, and the windshield gently lay on the hood. Kolyan whisper through clenched teeth matter, tiptoed closer to the car. Butt with a whistle cut the air, and over the already hushed river, echoed a slap on the hapless beast loin. But did it Kolyan vain. The impact was strong, and most importantly - effective. Steer bellowed and all, with the hind legs, was in the car. His back has shifted even further, not only changed the position of the head, horns firmly fixed to the roof of the Muscovite. To crown it all, the bull began to correct small need right on the shirt with the documents. Can you imagine the volume of the bladder bull? Kohl stupor watched as his car, in the manner of a bathtub filled with foul-smelling liquid. From anger and powerlessness Kolyan howled. We will not go into the details of what juicy epithets Kolyan awarded beast until over three hours desperately trying to remove it from the interior of the car, adding that in any dictionary of the world, you will never find such expressions, nor even approximate translation.
When the sun was high, Kolya realized that he himself will never deal with this awkward and huge animals, firmly stuck inside the Muscovite. Hastily gathering gear, windshield and gun, Kolya was the bridge on the driver's seat, next to the cattle. When the engine starts, from bull with fear and excitement experienced diarrhea occurred. Synchronously with the roar of the engine, there was a deafening crash, and the liquid jet struck the rear and side windows machines. Kolyan looked into the eyes of the beast and humbly murmured something like a prayer. Despite the lack of a windshield, the stench was unbearable in the cabin. The left front hoof leg made it impossible for a normal gearshift. With difficulty sticking second, Kolya started moving.
The first five kilometers on the dirt road passed almost without incident.
It interfered with headwind with midge and dust. Then we come to the aid of sunglasses donated by the mother-in. However, when Kolya get them out of the glove compartment, under the bull's snout, one glass of glasses slipped and fell in a puddle on the carpet. Kolyan his glasses with one glass so, squinting one eye, I went on the road. Very exotic species brought to truckers and car tourists on the Moscow - Rostov.
The slow pace of the car, vaguely reminiscent of Moskvich-412, with a horny tent instead of the roof, with a cow in the passenger seat, zasrat glasses and eyed the driver, carefully moved toward the city. Oncoming cars dumped long course, stayed, and some simply slid into a ditch. Completely devoid of rearview, Kolya did not even know what the consequences to the outside world was his trip. Such attention to Kolya ever felt in my life. Neither driver could not keep the car on the track, after what he saw.
Post GAI Kolyan passed without delay. Crazy eyes sergeant conducted a Muscovite, after which the policeman took a service weapon from the holster, scratched his ear, and for some reason moved the gun into his pants pocket ...