6 tips on how to recover from a major quarrel with a girl

It can be difficult to recover from a quarrel, as you experience a whole tangle of unpleasant emotions. However, there are several ways to help yourself overcome them.

A big quarrel with a loved one can knock out even the most balanced man. Psychologists note that conflicts in romantic relationships cause especially severe stress due to the high emotional significance of the partner. According to a study by Ohio University, after serious quarrels with loved ones, cortisol levels in the body can remain elevated for up to several days.
When emotions are high, it is important not to make hasty decisions. Instead, focus on recovering and restoring inner balance. Only in a calm state can you adequately assess the situation and make the right decisions regarding further relations.
1 Accept your emotions
The first and most important step is to recognize that your feelings are perfectly normal. Anger, resentment, frustration, sadness – all these emotions are natural after a conflict. Psychologist John Gottman in his research showed that attempts to suppress negative emotions only increase stress and delay the recovery process.
The technique of emotional recognition: Say out loud what you feel: “I’m angry,” “I’m hurt,” “I’m disappointed.” This simple technique helps activate the prefrontal cortex of the brain responsible for rational thinking.

Remember, emotions are information about your needs. Anger can signal a violation of boundaries, sadness can signal the importance of the relationship to you, fear can signal concern for the future of the couple.
2 Create a physical distance

Neuroscientists have found that in a state of strong emotional arousal, our brain goes into a “fight or flight” mode, in which rational thinking is temporarily blocked. Physical distance helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system responsible for relaxation.
That doesn’t mean you have to disappear forever. This is a temporary break that will allow you to:

• Reduce the level of adrenaline and cortisol in the blood
• Restore the ability to think logically
• Avoiding recurrence of conflict
• Get a new perspective on the situation

Important: Be sure to inform your partner about your intention to take a break. A simple disappearance can be perceived as punishment or manipulation.

3 Engage in physical activity
Exercise is one of the most effective ways to manage stress after a conflict. A study published in the journal Health Psychology found that even a 20-minute walk can significantly reduce stress levels and improve mood.
The mechanism works as follows: physical activity stimulates the production of endorphins – natural “happiness hormones” that help neutralize negative emotions. At the same time, cortisol and adrenaline levels decrease.
Effective activities after an argument:

• Intense walking or running – helps burn adrenaline
• Strength training - give the output of aggression in a constructive way
• Swimming – calms the nervous system
• Yoga or stretching – restores internal balance

4 Analyze the conflict objectively
When the intensity of emotions subsides, it is important to conduct an honest analysis of what happened. Psychotherapist Sue Johnson, author of “Hug Me Stronger,” recommends using “emotional mapping” techniques to understand the underlying causes of conflict.
Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What caused the quarrel on a superficial level?
2. What underlying needs have not been met?
3. What role did your actions and words play in the conflict?
4. What could you do differently?
5. What behavior patterns are repeated in your fights?

The technique of writing to yourself: Write a detailed letter describing the situation from your point of view, then try to write the same conflict through the eyes of your partner. This will help you see the situation more objectively.

5 Restore Internal Resources

Conflicts drain our emotional and physical resources. Researchers at the Stanford Stress Laboratory found that after intense stress, the body needs active recovery, not just rest.
Resource recovery strategies include:

• Quality sleep: Stress disrupts the architecture of sleep. Create ideal conditions: a cool room, no gadgets, regular mode.
• Good nutrition: Avoid alcohol and caffeine, which increase anxiety. Focus on foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids and magnesium.
• Social support: Talking to close friends or family helps you gain emotional support and a new perspective.
• Creativity: Drawing, music, writing activate the right hemisphere of the brain and help process emotions.

Avoid destructive ways to deal with stress: Alcohol, overeating, isolation, or obsessive thoughts about conflict will only make the situation worse.

6 Plan a constructive dialogue
When you feel ready for a conversation, it’s important to prepare for it carefully. Studies show that couples who use a structured approach to conflict resolution are 40% more likely to maintain a relationship.
Preparations for dialogue include:
Algorithm of preparation for the conversation:

1. Identify the target: What do you want to achieve with this conversation?
2. Choose the right time and place: When you are both calm and not distracted
3. Use "I-messages": "I feel..." instead of "You always do." . . ?
4. Focus on the solution: Not on accusations, but on how to avoid such situations.
5. Be prepared for compromises: Healthy relationships are built on mutual concessions

Remember: the purpose of a conversation is not to prove yourself right, but to understand each other and find a way forward. As the family psychologist Harville Hendrix once said, “There are no winners and losers in a relationship – there are only a couple that either grow together or break up.”
Conclusion
Recovery from a major quarrel is a process that takes time and effort. It’s important to remember that conflict in relationships is inevitable, but it can be an opportunity to grow and deepen understanding between partners. The main thing is not to let your emotions completely control your actions and use proven strategies to restore inner balance.
Every fight is a lesson that can make your relationship stronger if you’re willing to learn and change. Invest time in understanding yourself and your partner and your relationship will become more mature and resilient to future challenges.
Glossary of terms
cortisol
Stress hormone produced by the adrenal glands. Elevated cortisol levels are associated with anxiety, sleep problems, and decreased immunity.

Prefrontal cortex
The area of the brain responsible for making decisions, planning and controlling emotions. It is activated by conscious analysis of the situation.

Parasympathetic nervous system
Part of the autonomic nervous system responsible for relaxing and restoring the body after stress.

endorphins
Natural neurotransmitters that are produced in the brain and help improve mood and reduce pain.

Emotional mapping
Psychotherapeutic technique that allows you to identify deep emotional needs and behavior patterns in conflict situations.

"I-messages"
A communication technique in which a person expresses their feelings and needs without blaming a partner. It helps to avoid the defensive reaction of the interlocutor.