I can't stand visiting my daughter, don't think, I love her very much, but there's one caveat. Bashny.Net

There is an opinion that cats are tied to a place, and dogs feel attachment to a person. It is unlikely that there will be crowds willing not just to challenge this statement, but to refute it, having in reserve both figures and facts.



Peels Attachment to a person "But there are exceptions!" - you think, and rightly think. Attachment arises even between a cat and a dog, whom rumor has attributed to live in stubborn hostility, which was completely rejected by our spaniels Tom and Beam and the cats Bagheera, Barbaris and Marco, who lived with them in friendship, of which she was a surprised and joyful witness. And if so, I will willingly believe that cats can feel attachment to a person, even if rare, not all birds fly to the middle of the Dnieper...



But it's not about cats. And not about dogs. It is about how attachment to a person can become destructive. Thinking about it prompted a recent conversation with a neighbor on the train, when we returned together from the sanatorium. With Maya Mikhailovna, we lived in different rooms, met only in a sanatorium cafe and during mass events, which were quite interesting. We went home together.

Having exchanged on-duty pleasantries, we spent the first hour of the journey in silence, looking at the picturesque landscapes of the Carpathian region passing by. Then my neighbor got a message, she texted for a few minutes, and then began to sigh too often. Thinking she was having trouble breathing, I asked how she was feeling.

Maya Mikhailovna responded by shaking her head negatively and sighing even deeper:
- I feel physically normal. It's hot, but it's before the storm. Then it'll get cooler and fresher. It's hard for me. My daughter said she had already arrived at my house. Will help my father clean up before I arrive and prepare something for tomorrow.
- That's beautiful! Return to a clean house and get a good rest from the road.



- Therefore, it is difficult that one should rejoice, and I am always tormented because of Russian visits. - Don't think bad, I love Ruslana very much, she is one of us. And good, caring. It was Rusya who gave me a trip... But every time she arrives, it becomes a nightmare for me to close the door behind her.

The reason for the reluctance to see the daughter: attachment to a person - So long for your daughter? - I sympathetically suggested, even vaguely unaware of the true horror in the family of Maya Mikhailovna ...
- If only you knew how much I wanted, bored, to call Rusya home! And I'm afraid of her visits... Ruslana, I know, wants to protect me. So she shames her father that he does not work, does not help me, began to drink. Trust me, Kostya wasn't like that. He began to drink out of desperation. The job is gone and the other one can't find it. Everywhere he wants younger, and he has a few years to retire. Rusya offered to arrange a security service - so here the husband is against, does not want night shifts.



- How long has it been?
- More than two years... The daughter comes to us, reproaches him, and he is silent with her. Only she leaves, Kostya - for a bottle, and then scandalizes. He even raised his hand at me a couple of times.

I couldn't help it.
- Why do you tolerate this outrage?
- How is he alone in his old age? You can't live on welfare. Yes, and I at least some, but still there is help: the grass in the yard will be mowed, the water pump to the cold will remove, in the spring will put, and what will repair... I'm silent, I'm patient. I won't tell my daughter, don't come back. And I won't put Costia out...



The dangerous attachment of “Yes, there are stories!” I thought. And she imagined poor Maya as a billiard ball on the green cloth of a huge table. The ball, struck by a cue in the player's firm hand, dutifully rolls towards the hole and falls into the net. Will he be able to escape without the help of the player? No way! So why did Maya turn into a ball? Yes, attachment to an aggressive husband and turned her almost into a toy. And then I thought that this is not attachment, but dependence on the abuser.

Does she think that by coming to terms with her husband’s cruel behavior, she can earn him a better attitude towards herself? Why is she trying to justify her husband’s despicable behavior? Why does he think that the cause of his own suffering is a daughter who seeks, albeit ineptly, to protect her mother from fatherly abuse? Isn't this Stockholm syndrome?



I am not judging Mayina’s husband or her position in this situation. I want and wanted that, speaking out, the woman just felt that she is not alone, that if there was an attentive listener, then there will be a way to change the wounding relationship. And after asking her neighbor for her contacts, she promised to contact a specialist who, hopefully, can help her if she wants. Maya Mikhailovna timidly agreed to consult a psychotherapist. But will he? .

And do you think it is possible to overcome or “correct” such attachment to a person?