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How to Become an Independent Personality
Parents are the people who make the biggest, most significant impact on our lives. They largely form our worldview, views on life and the world around us, as well as our self-esteem. By and large, parents have power over the future of their children.
We trust the closest people, so we rarely think that parents can be the cause of failures and unjustified expectations. It will be about toxic parents, and to be exact, about narcissistic mothers who ruin the lives of their children. Editorial "Site" topic parent-child relations.
Narcissistic parents are a real tragedy that is not even noticeable at first glance. In a family where children are subjected to physical punishment, abusive relationships are visible to the naked eye, but psychological pressure is not immediately recognized.
Some people take 20 or 40 years to realize that their parents are narcissists. The children of such parents suffer psychological traumas that lead to terrible consequences: low self-esteem, inability to build healthy relationships and even physical illness.
Unfortunately, a young child can’t do anything about their toxic parents because Mother Nature tells them to trust their mother and father. We end up with traumatized adults who don’t know what to do with their lives.
To clearly describe the situation, perhaps, it is worth telling how life with a narcissistic mother differs from life with an ordinary one.
A narcissistic mother does not understand her child’s feelings and has no emotional connection to her child. Naturally, she ignores his feelings. When a child cries, she may say, “Take water to the offended,” or something like that. And this will be a reaction to every manifestation of feelings in the child.
Often, such parents themselves hurt their child, and then, when the child shows feelings, accuse him of being himself to blame and that he is too touchy. In such a situation, the child ceases to understand anything: he seems to be a victim, but the mother twisted everything so that he is ashamed of his feelings. It is not difficult to guess what this will lead to in the future.
The whole process of childbirth for a narcissistic mother turns into a personal feat. Pregnancy, difficult childbirth, abandonment of a career - this is all, then the mother will reproach her child. And it is good if such a mother manages to escort the child to grandparents, so the chance of injuring a person is irreversibly much lower.
From a narcissistic mother usually goes to sons and daughters, but the latter much more. Such women usually want a son who should get them a star from the sky. Naturally, the daughter is a disappointment from the first minute, second grade. Next, the girl in the eyes of her mother will never be good enough: stupid, clumsy, bad herself.
Hence phrases like: “Nothing worthwhile will grow out of you”, “Yes, you are not capable of it”, “With such a character and figure you will never marry”. And what is the self-esteem of a girl who has heard this all her childhood?
Moving on, a narcissistic mother always humiliates and ridicules her child, preferably in front of other people. Often with strangers, she can say that her child is clumsy or something. I have a friend who had such a mother. As a child, her mother told her friends, “I envy people who do not have children!” This is a very good example.
A narcissist doesn’t care about the feelings of others, especially a child. With such a mother, there will never be a spiritual and emotional conversation. As a result, the child grows introverted and aware that no one cares about him.
And the most absurd thing about this situation is that, with all her indifference to the child, the narcissistic mother will make every effort to keep him close to her. First, she will form in him a sense of unpaid debt, make him feel guilty, because “mother did so much for you.”
Because of all this, the child forms a clear awareness that without his mother he is not capable of anything and that his debt to her is huge. He falls into an addiction that is cleverly manipulated by a narcissistic mother to keep an already adult child near him and continue to exploit him.
Adult children often resist communication with a narcissistic mother, because her behavior never changes. She wants her adult children to pay her back because she has spent so much on them. Many of the feelings of guilt remain with the mother forever, thus depriving themselves of a chance for a normal life.
After all, a narcissistic mother will never allow her child to start a family, get a good job or gain any independence. All attempts are suppressed through guilt and manipulation. Such a person takes all the resources: time, energy, strength.
It seems impossible to break this circle, but there is a solution. If you have already realized the problem, you need to start fighting it, although this is not an easy way. For some, healing and realizing all this takes a lifetime. Despite everything, children continue to believe that their mother will change, love them and finally praise them.
Remember one thing: narcissists don’t change with age, they only get worse. As sad as it may be to admit it, it is not worth waiting for understanding, praise and love. It is much more important to find your own path and begin to build your self-esteem, identity, become a person.
This difficult process should start with cutting back on contact with a toxic parent. As long as you are in close proximity, a person can influence you. If necessary, cut off ties decisively and permanently. Go to a specialist, a good psychologist will help you understand yourself and understand the cause of everything that is happening.
The main thing in this process is to realize that you have a narcissistic mother (or father, that happens too) and start acting. At this point, all responsibility for your life and future will be in your hands and the further course of events will depend on you.
Don't fall for the hook of pity. Seeing your efforts to change everything, your mother will be more active in trying to ruin your life and will put more pressure on pity. Always remember who you are dealing with and what the purpose of this behavior is, do not let this person use you any further.
You came into this world with love for your parents and an open heart, and the closest person took advantage of it. He trampled your self-esteem, uprooted your trust and love. Just because that person raised you doesn't mean you have to give up your life for him.
Your debt is paid in full: spent energy, unhappy childhood, psychological trauma. Realizing this, you need to forgive your mother, thank for life, but try to keep your distance. You can love her from afar without feeling guilty and unpaid debt, realizing your own plans and dreams!
Unfortunately, this problem is not uncommon and should be noticed as soon as possible. Earlier, we wrote what 11 signs will help to identify toxic parents.
That's why it's time to stop communicating with toxic relatives: rules that won't fail.
Here are some words that will help you understand that you are in a toxic relationship. Learn something? Drop that relationship without regrets.
Have you ever had opium like that? Are you familiar with the problem of narcissistic parents? Share personal experiences in the comments.
We trust the closest people, so we rarely think that parents can be the cause of failures and unjustified expectations. It will be about toxic parents, and to be exact, about narcissistic mothers who ruin the lives of their children. Editorial "Site" topic parent-child relations.
Narcissistic parents are a real tragedy that is not even noticeable at first glance. In a family where children are subjected to physical punishment, abusive relationships are visible to the naked eye, but psychological pressure is not immediately recognized.
Some people take 20 or 40 years to realize that their parents are narcissists. The children of such parents suffer psychological traumas that lead to terrible consequences: low self-esteem, inability to build healthy relationships and even physical illness.
Unfortunately, a young child can’t do anything about their toxic parents because Mother Nature tells them to trust their mother and father. We end up with traumatized adults who don’t know what to do with their lives.
To clearly describe the situation, perhaps, it is worth telling how life with a narcissistic mother differs from life with an ordinary one.
A narcissistic mother does not understand her child’s feelings and has no emotional connection to her child. Naturally, she ignores his feelings. When a child cries, she may say, “Take water to the offended,” or something like that. And this will be a reaction to every manifestation of feelings in the child.
Often, such parents themselves hurt their child, and then, when the child shows feelings, accuse him of being himself to blame and that he is too touchy. In such a situation, the child ceases to understand anything: he seems to be a victim, but the mother twisted everything so that he is ashamed of his feelings. It is not difficult to guess what this will lead to in the future.
The whole process of childbirth for a narcissistic mother turns into a personal feat. Pregnancy, difficult childbirth, abandonment of a career - this is all, then the mother will reproach her child. And it is good if such a mother manages to escort the child to grandparents, so the chance of injuring a person is irreversibly much lower.
From a narcissistic mother usually goes to sons and daughters, but the latter much more. Such women usually want a son who should get them a star from the sky. Naturally, the daughter is a disappointment from the first minute, second grade. Next, the girl in the eyes of her mother will never be good enough: stupid, clumsy, bad herself.
Hence phrases like: “Nothing worthwhile will grow out of you”, “Yes, you are not capable of it”, “With such a character and figure you will never marry”. And what is the self-esteem of a girl who has heard this all her childhood?
Moving on, a narcissistic mother always humiliates and ridicules her child, preferably in front of other people. Often with strangers, she can say that her child is clumsy or something. I have a friend who had such a mother. As a child, her mother told her friends, “I envy people who do not have children!” This is a very good example.
A narcissist doesn’t care about the feelings of others, especially a child. With such a mother, there will never be a spiritual and emotional conversation. As a result, the child grows introverted and aware that no one cares about him.
And the most absurd thing about this situation is that, with all her indifference to the child, the narcissistic mother will make every effort to keep him close to her. First, she will form in him a sense of unpaid debt, make him feel guilty, because “mother did so much for you.”
Because of all this, the child forms a clear awareness that without his mother he is not capable of anything and that his debt to her is huge. He falls into an addiction that is cleverly manipulated by a narcissistic mother to keep an already adult child near him and continue to exploit him.
Adult children often resist communication with a narcissistic mother, because her behavior never changes. She wants her adult children to pay her back because she has spent so much on them. Many of the feelings of guilt remain with the mother forever, thus depriving themselves of a chance for a normal life.
After all, a narcissistic mother will never allow her child to start a family, get a good job or gain any independence. All attempts are suppressed through guilt and manipulation. Such a person takes all the resources: time, energy, strength.
It seems impossible to break this circle, but there is a solution. If you have already realized the problem, you need to start fighting it, although this is not an easy way. For some, healing and realizing all this takes a lifetime. Despite everything, children continue to believe that their mother will change, love them and finally praise them.
Remember one thing: narcissists don’t change with age, they only get worse. As sad as it may be to admit it, it is not worth waiting for understanding, praise and love. It is much more important to find your own path and begin to build your self-esteem, identity, become a person.
This difficult process should start with cutting back on contact with a toxic parent. As long as you are in close proximity, a person can influence you. If necessary, cut off ties decisively and permanently. Go to a specialist, a good psychologist will help you understand yourself and understand the cause of everything that is happening.
The main thing in this process is to realize that you have a narcissistic mother (or father, that happens too) and start acting. At this point, all responsibility for your life and future will be in your hands and the further course of events will depend on you.
Don't fall for the hook of pity. Seeing your efforts to change everything, your mother will be more active in trying to ruin your life and will put more pressure on pity. Always remember who you are dealing with and what the purpose of this behavior is, do not let this person use you any further.
You came into this world with love for your parents and an open heart, and the closest person took advantage of it. He trampled your self-esteem, uprooted your trust and love. Just because that person raised you doesn't mean you have to give up your life for him.
Your debt is paid in full: spent energy, unhappy childhood, psychological trauma. Realizing this, you need to forgive your mother, thank for life, but try to keep your distance. You can love her from afar without feeling guilty and unpaid debt, realizing your own plans and dreams!
Unfortunately, this problem is not uncommon and should be noticed as soon as possible. Earlier, we wrote what 11 signs will help to identify toxic parents.
That's why it's time to stop communicating with toxic relatives: rules that won't fail.
Here are some words that will help you understand that you are in a toxic relationship. Learn something? Drop that relationship without regrets.
Have you ever had opium like that? Are you familiar with the problem of narcissistic parents? Share personal experiences in the comments.