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Why moms are jealous of their daughters
It's not something we talk about, but there's one unpleasant thing about mother-daughter relationships that we can't keep quiet about. Let's talk about envy: this feeling often destroys mother-child. After all, almost all of our subconscious resentments are drawn from early childhood - from a relationship with my mother.
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In some families, this is difficult to imagine, and in many it is an absolute reality. We hope that our parents will be truly proud of us and rejoice in our successes. But what if the closest person, my mom, thinks we're just a competitor?
Editorial. "Site" Tatiana shared her story, who had a difficult relationship with her mother.
I have an early child, and to me she seemed more like an older friend or sister than a mother in the conventional sense. Back in school, I felt like she compared me to herself: picking on looks, gait, weight. I grew up in an atmosphere of constant criticism and even got used to it.
DepositPhotos One day I signed up for ballroom dancing and began to seriously get involved in them. To which my mother said, “I’d rather do something useful.” My friends were praised for their successes, but my mother never attended the performances and did not congratulate them on the prizes.
From early childhood, I was reproached for preventing my mother from getting married. My father, as is usually the case with men, left my mother right after I was born and was never interested in our lives. To my questions about my dad, my mom said, “Be glad you have me and someone to take care of.”
DepositPhotos
As a student, I fell in love for the first time. But my mother immediately took my chosen one into bayonets. She called him a weak-willed rag, a man with no future and no profession. She didn't hesitate to criticize me in his presence, telling humiliating stories from my childhood. After I tried to stop her, she reproached me for my lack of humor.
I saw that my mother could not bear my happiness. But when my young man came to visit us, she prepped, put on seductive outfits and did makeup. It even went so far as to flirt with him in my absence. Soon after, my boyfriend and I got married, rented an apartment, and I tried to communicate with my mother as little as possible.
DepositPhotos
Alas, after 7 years we divorced, and then for the first time in my life my mother became my ally. She comforted me by dissuading me from getting involved with men. She exemplified my father and accused all men of ruining women's lives. However, I survived the trauma of breaking up with my husband and began to live in a new way. My career went uphill, many travels became available, in which my mother sometimes accompanied me. But my success caused her only rejection.
She was always dissatisfied with everything, despite the fact that everything was at my expense. She considered my career achievements a mere coincidence. When I met him again, my mother was cold. It seemed impossible to achieve maternal joy and pride, no matter how hard I tried.
DepositPhotos Expert Opinion Psychotherapist Veronika Stepanova He says that mothers often feel like losers when they have happy daughters. “Sometimes it is the result of early birth, as in the case of our heroine. The later the child appears, the more the mother seeks to protect and care for him.
“A woman who becomes a mother early sees a girl, not her child, after 15 years. Intelligently, she realizes that it is her blood, but feels a rivalry that can last a lifetime. What is your mother jealous of? Obviously, youth, more interesting and bright life, happy relationships. The mother is filled with hidden anger and jealousy, which generate reproaches and quarrels on any occasion, explains Veronica.
“I don’t want your life to be better than mine,” is the unspoken wish of a rival mom. The daughter is accused that because of her, the mother’s personal life did not develop: it was impossible to keep her husband with the help of a child, or the man left after the birth of the child.
Unsurprisingly, the author of this story, Tatiana, received support and sympathy from her mother when her marriage fell apart. Against the background of failures of the daughter, the mother felt fulfilled. A mother cannot bear the fact that her daughter is a woman who is younger, more beautiful, more successful.
DepositPhotos
A daughter should admit, however painful it may be, that such a mother will not get approval and praise. She should be treated as an envious friend and adhere to the appropriate format of communication. You can discuss friends, relatives, work, but not personal matters.
It is necessary to learn to praise the little girl inside yourself: to notice even the smallest achievements and to reward yourself for them. Thus, it will be possible to cheer up the inner child, protect the feelings and help yourself move forward.
The mother needs to analyze her feelings for the child. And if there is envy among them, then think about it. How to build a relationship with your daughterUntil it ruined both their lives.
DepositPhotos
No one teaches us to be mothers, so no one is immune from mistakes. It is worth accepting your imperfection, letting go of all offenses and living your life in pleasure.
Every woman deserves happiness in life. You can’t blame your child for a failed marriage. After all, two participated in the conception, but according to statistics, most men refuse children.
What advice can we give our heroine to build a relationship with her mother? Be sure to write about it in the comments.
Photo by depositphotos preview.
DepositPhotos
In some families, this is difficult to imagine, and in many it is an absolute reality. We hope that our parents will be truly proud of us and rejoice in our successes. But what if the closest person, my mom, thinks we're just a competitor?
Editorial. "Site" Tatiana shared her story, who had a difficult relationship with her mother.
I have an early child, and to me she seemed more like an older friend or sister than a mother in the conventional sense. Back in school, I felt like she compared me to herself: picking on looks, gait, weight. I grew up in an atmosphere of constant criticism and even got used to it.
DepositPhotos One day I signed up for ballroom dancing and began to seriously get involved in them. To which my mother said, “I’d rather do something useful.” My friends were praised for their successes, but my mother never attended the performances and did not congratulate them on the prizes.
From early childhood, I was reproached for preventing my mother from getting married. My father, as is usually the case with men, left my mother right after I was born and was never interested in our lives. To my questions about my dad, my mom said, “Be glad you have me and someone to take care of.”
DepositPhotos
As a student, I fell in love for the first time. But my mother immediately took my chosen one into bayonets. She called him a weak-willed rag, a man with no future and no profession. She didn't hesitate to criticize me in his presence, telling humiliating stories from my childhood. After I tried to stop her, she reproached me for my lack of humor.
I saw that my mother could not bear my happiness. But when my young man came to visit us, she prepped, put on seductive outfits and did makeup. It even went so far as to flirt with him in my absence. Soon after, my boyfriend and I got married, rented an apartment, and I tried to communicate with my mother as little as possible.
DepositPhotos
Alas, after 7 years we divorced, and then for the first time in my life my mother became my ally. She comforted me by dissuading me from getting involved with men. She exemplified my father and accused all men of ruining women's lives. However, I survived the trauma of breaking up with my husband and began to live in a new way. My career went uphill, many travels became available, in which my mother sometimes accompanied me. But my success caused her only rejection.
She was always dissatisfied with everything, despite the fact that everything was at my expense. She considered my career achievements a mere coincidence. When I met him again, my mother was cold. It seemed impossible to achieve maternal joy and pride, no matter how hard I tried.
DepositPhotos Expert Opinion Psychotherapist Veronika Stepanova He says that mothers often feel like losers when they have happy daughters. “Sometimes it is the result of early birth, as in the case of our heroine. The later the child appears, the more the mother seeks to protect and care for him.
“A woman who becomes a mother early sees a girl, not her child, after 15 years. Intelligently, she realizes that it is her blood, but feels a rivalry that can last a lifetime. What is your mother jealous of? Obviously, youth, more interesting and bright life, happy relationships. The mother is filled with hidden anger and jealousy, which generate reproaches and quarrels on any occasion, explains Veronica.
“I don’t want your life to be better than mine,” is the unspoken wish of a rival mom. The daughter is accused that because of her, the mother’s personal life did not develop: it was impossible to keep her husband with the help of a child, or the man left after the birth of the child.
Unsurprisingly, the author of this story, Tatiana, received support and sympathy from her mother when her marriage fell apart. Against the background of failures of the daughter, the mother felt fulfilled. A mother cannot bear the fact that her daughter is a woman who is younger, more beautiful, more successful.
DepositPhotos
A daughter should admit, however painful it may be, that such a mother will not get approval and praise. She should be treated as an envious friend and adhere to the appropriate format of communication. You can discuss friends, relatives, work, but not personal matters.
It is necessary to learn to praise the little girl inside yourself: to notice even the smallest achievements and to reward yourself for them. Thus, it will be possible to cheer up the inner child, protect the feelings and help yourself move forward.
The mother needs to analyze her feelings for the child. And if there is envy among them, then think about it. How to build a relationship with your daughterUntil it ruined both their lives.
DepositPhotos
No one teaches us to be mothers, so no one is immune from mistakes. It is worth accepting your imperfection, letting go of all offenses and living your life in pleasure.
Every woman deserves happiness in life. You can’t blame your child for a failed marriage. After all, two participated in the conception, but according to statistics, most men refuse children.
What advice can we give our heroine to build a relationship with her mother? Be sure to write about it in the comments.
Photo by depositphotos preview.
