How to Improve Relationships with Transitional Children

It depends on how good the relationship with children in transition will be when they grow up.

Transitional age is a period of change, the transition from childhood to adulthood. At this time, the child matures as a person and begins to communicate with the parent on equal terms.

Transitional age in children It can start at 11 and end at 17. You need to be very careful not to humiliate the child during this period, not to insult, not to make unnecessary claims and especially not to blame your problems. Because he won't solve them. He will either start to live with guilt or he will start to distance himself.





The story from which the annoyed mother of 16-year-old Eudokia turned to online support illustrates this.

“My 16-year-old daughter is career-oriented. Life is a lost time for her. She thinks it's my responsibility. I'm not working now, my right arm is broken. Even that fact doesn't motivate her to help me. My father, with whom I have been divorced for ten years, played an important role in her development, showing by example what it means to be a successful person.”

What else can I do to change her sense that being a good person is just as important as being successful? I have always taught her these values. I am a good person, but I have not achieved success and live a normal life of an ordinary person. I suppose that was her starting point.”



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In this situation, the mother has to solve two problems. The first obvious: agree with the child about the distribution of household duties. Second, learn to see her as a separate person, not a copy of one of her parents. The fact that there are problems with this, the mother may not even realize. That's what psychologists advise.



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1. In the form of the mother’s appeal, fatigue, irritation, dissatisfaction with life, herself and her child are noticeable. In this state, negotiating is difficult and often useless. First you need to work out internal problems, and then solve household problems.
   
   
   
   
   
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2. Next, you should negotiate as with an adult, but with some nuances. Agreements in the form of oral contracts work very well with teenagers, in which everything is specific. For example, you can arrange for the child to choose any day of the week on which he agrees to leave. Also agree on the consequences that await him if he does not fulfill the obligation.
   
   
   
   
   
   These consequences should suit both the parent and the child, and also indicate them in advance. It should not be something super significant, but also not insignificant.
   
   The child will be happy that he has some choice, he will learn to take responsibility for his words, and also work together, in a team with a parent. He will not feel that he is being forced to do anything.
   
   
   
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The scheme is working, but you need to use it wisely. Talking about real things. It is not necessary to demand that a 16-year-old daughter, for example, wash the whole house, all the dishes and iron all the underwear overnight. The task must be feasible and fair.



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If she goes to school, purposefully studies something, attends sports or dance clubs, then she is already quite busy. School for teenagers is the same as work for adults. If they are very invested in it, then they have little energy just like adults after work.



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Explain to your child that your home is your shared space. Therefore, it is appropriate that everyone, in his percentage, invested in it. And if the family is full and the father lives in it, so does he. Otherwise, the child will immediately feel the falsehood and notice the inconsistency of the words of reality.

What a transitional age. Not without conflict? It is important to learn not to avoid them, but to solve them by establishing communication.

Read more about the relationship between children and parents in our next articles. Follow the links.