How to reach an understanding with your mother-in-law Bashny.Net

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has never been easy. After all, there are two women – a mother and a wife who love one man. They are competing a little for their attention.

Sometimes it goes to extremes. Like, for example, Maria, who could not understand the family situation and turned to a psychologist.



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My mother-in-law has never wanted a soul in her son. She even said she loved him more than her daughter. We had a good relationship. But everything changed when we moved to different parts of Moscow. She once told her husband in the heat of a quarrel that we do not have a real family, since we did not have children. I was very offended and angry because we had trouble conceiving.

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A couple of months after this story, the mother-in-law began to wither: she stopped eating, she was losing weight with great speed. She cried and complained about missing her son. She was cared for by her father-in-law, whom she does not perceive at all. Now she has a new round of hysterics, walking through churches. She says to her husband, “I want to see you every day.” Maybe it's because my husband let her know he's on my side. Her mother-in-law began to lie, attract attention and manipulate her even more.”



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“I understand that this is a problem in their relationship. But it's hard to see how my husband is going through this. He recently said that he does not want to call or come to them — tired of all this. But he can't quit either. She's out of her mind, as if she didn't do anything to herself. I'm being dragged into this fight, too. She says she loves and misses me too. But I broke off all relations and confined myself to protocol congratulations on the holidays. How do I deal with this? ?



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How to build a relationship with your mother-in-law

1. In this situation, the mother-in-law has a bad relationship with her father-in-law, that is, with her husband. For her, a son is more likely to act as a husband. Not literally. But psychological transference is present. We need to work with a therapist. And personal life. A woman who is happily married will not wish a bad family life on her adult child.
   
   
   
   
   
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2. Suffering and illness are manifestations of loss. It's a subconscious attempt to get back what was. So do children: sick, they get the attention of parents. In this case, the woman is trying to get her son’s attention. You need to shift her focus from her son to the disease itself. That is, try to cure it with pills, doctors, hospitals, fresh fruits, practical care, but not with a personal round-the-clock presence and palm on the forehead. Then the mother-in-law will stop using the disease as a way to achieve the goal.
   
   
   
   
   
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3. Of course, it is not worth stopping communication. It won't be right. But it needs to be structured and timed. Reduce the amount of time spent together gradually rather than disappearing immediately.
   
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4. Establish rules and traditions. For example, you agree to meet on Sundays and call every day in the evening. So no one will be able to demand extra, will remain without claims and without offense.
   
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Here are some general guidelines to help a husband and wife establish or maintain relationships with their parents.

1. Live separately. Every house should have one owner and one hostess. This will help to avoid at least domestic disturbances. And the daughter-in-law needs fixing. mother-in-law.
2. If you have children, raise them yourself. But let them spend time with their grandparents. Talk about this situation immediately after the appearance of children.
3. Don't conflict. Fighting won't lead to anything. It is rarely possible to convince someone of anything at an age. Aggression can hurt him. Talk, but not in high tones or on controversial topics. Love and respect.