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How to Remind Adult Children of Gratitude
Surprisingly, it is often the most difficult for a person to build normal relationships with the closest people. Unpleasant memories, a sense of duty, old resentments and pressure of others confuse more and more and force either to make unpleasant compromises, or to distance themselves, stopping any communication.
It often happens that even without an apparent discord in relationships, children, starting to live separately, move away from their parents, headlong into their own worries, stop calling and visiting. However, they do not even suspect that aloneness It’s a tough test for their older moms and dads.
“Life so happened that I had to raise two sons on my own.” The boys grew up beautiful and both decided to become doctors in order to benefit people. I helped as much as I could and rejoiced at their success.”
"I'm 80 years old. He is 54 and works as a surgeon. The youngest is 45 and works as a dentist. They seem to be brothers, but they are completely different from each other. The elder does without cigarettes and without alcohol. The youngest is the exact opposite. But until we were married, they found a common language, and they came to me often. And then for some reason we fell out.”
“I now have to live alone. In my years with a second disability on a small pension, it is not easy to survive. However, no one cares about my health. Even my sons.
“First they stopped talking to each other, then they stopped talking to me. I even asked them for forgiveness, even though I did not know what I was guilty of. It gave nothing, nothing changed. To a direct question, each of them says that he is terribly busy and that he does not have to help me. I'm not gonna last that long, and it's embarrassing to file for alimony. What to do? asks Tamara.
In such a difficult situation, a woman wants to sympathize. Surely it is difficult for her to remain alone at such an old age, but the thoughts of betrayal of her own children make her situation even deplorable. It is one thing when it is difficult for you, but there is at least some support of close people. It’s different when no one cares about your health.
Having raised two sons, a woman definitely deserves someone to care for her in her old age. And it is necessary to have a person who will provide at least moral support.
“If in this situation, you can only expect help from your sons, and they refuse a direct request, then you should act more radically: decide on the step that Tamara is most ashamed of,” said psychologist Svetlana Kartinina.
“In fact, in this case, the first thing you need to get financial assistance from children is to preserve your own health in order to survive. It is strange that adult “successful” sons themselves do not understand this. Or just pretending to”.
“A lonely old woman is ashamed to do so. She seems to be worried about how her sons or her neighbors will feel. But men themselves forced the mother on such a difficult step by their indifference. And the neighbors? Even those who condemn a woman will talk and soon forget.
Of course we can try. establish relationships with sonsSpeaking frankly about their problems. And do not apologize or demand, but just talk about the normal model of help to an elderly mother from adult children and compare it with reality.
If the children refuse, they will be able to openly tell them about their intentions to resort to the help of the state. This should help men understand to what degree of despair they have brought the native person. Perhaps even this conversation is enough to solve the problem.
It often happens that even without an apparent discord in relationships, children, starting to live separately, move away from their parents, headlong into their own worries, stop calling and visiting. However, they do not even suspect that aloneness It’s a tough test for their older moms and dads.
“Life so happened that I had to raise two sons on my own.” The boys grew up beautiful and both decided to become doctors in order to benefit people. I helped as much as I could and rejoiced at their success.”
"I'm 80 years old. He is 54 and works as a surgeon. The youngest is 45 and works as a dentist. They seem to be brothers, but they are completely different from each other. The elder does without cigarettes and without alcohol. The youngest is the exact opposite. But until we were married, they found a common language, and they came to me often. And then for some reason we fell out.”
“I now have to live alone. In my years with a second disability on a small pension, it is not easy to survive. However, no one cares about my health. Even my sons.
“First they stopped talking to each other, then they stopped talking to me. I even asked them for forgiveness, even though I did not know what I was guilty of. It gave nothing, nothing changed. To a direct question, each of them says that he is terribly busy and that he does not have to help me. I'm not gonna last that long, and it's embarrassing to file for alimony. What to do? asks Tamara.
In such a difficult situation, a woman wants to sympathize. Surely it is difficult for her to remain alone at such an old age, but the thoughts of betrayal of her own children make her situation even deplorable. It is one thing when it is difficult for you, but there is at least some support of close people. It’s different when no one cares about your health.
Having raised two sons, a woman definitely deserves someone to care for her in her old age. And it is necessary to have a person who will provide at least moral support.
“If in this situation, you can only expect help from your sons, and they refuse a direct request, then you should act more radically: decide on the step that Tamara is most ashamed of,” said psychologist Svetlana Kartinina.
“In fact, in this case, the first thing you need to get financial assistance from children is to preserve your own health in order to survive. It is strange that adult “successful” sons themselves do not understand this. Or just pretending to”.
“A lonely old woman is ashamed to do so. She seems to be worried about how her sons or her neighbors will feel. But men themselves forced the mother on such a difficult step by their indifference. And the neighbors? Even those who condemn a woman will talk and soon forget.
Of course we can try. establish relationships with sonsSpeaking frankly about their problems. And do not apologize or demand, but just talk about the normal model of help to an elderly mother from adult children and compare it with reality.
If the children refuse, they will be able to openly tell them about their intentions to resort to the help of the state. This should help men understand to what degree of despair they have brought the native person. Perhaps even this conversation is enough to solve the problem.
