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How to strengthen the relationship with your father
Normal relations with the father are important not only for boys who learn from the father masculinity, courage, responsibility and other useful qualities. Girls also need the influence and presence of a dad for proper upbringing.
Bad relationship with my father (or his absence in the life of his daughter) has a bad effect on her future fate. And even in adulthood, when a woman has already created her own family, she needs the support of both parents. But that's not always possible.
547348
My husband and I have been together for 3 years, although we were married only a couple of months ago. At first I lived with his parents, but from there I had a long way to go to work. Then they rented a room with friends, and it was beautiful: a modest but cozy corner where you feel at home. But relations with drinking neighbors did not develop, and therefore I had to move, says 24-year-old Olga.
My parents have been divorced for 11 years, living in separate spacious apartments. But they don't want to change houses. In addition, my mother is not the easiest relationship: I had to go to a psychologist for a year to get along with her. And moving in with her now is ruining everything again. Therefore, my husband and I decided to move to my father, especially since he himself called.
“Dad left the family when I was 13. Until my 20th birthday, we didn’t talk at all. Only in the last year began to call, I tried to visit at least once a month. We live under the same roof.”
“He doesn’t care about our privacy, but he doesn’t seem to take me and my husband seriously. All our ideas are criticized and only laughed at. He is constantly saying some strange jokes that only make him laugh.”
“I am terribly uncomfortable that he is trying to educate me in this way. I want us to have exceptionally good neighborly relations. We cannot move, because we will have to throw away a lot of money that could in the future go to buy their own housing.”
“Why doesn’t he want to know that the time to educate me is wasted? Why does he not perceive me as an adult and how to establish relationships at all?
“In order to be perceived as an adult, you must behave accordingly. Only then it will be possible to build reasonable boundaries in relationships, says psychotherapist Lucy Mikaelian.
“You believe that father is bad To you? But he allowed you to live nearby because he feels you are close people. You also receive this help from a close person. Perhaps you perceive his attempts to be useful as compensation for the years when you had to live without him, without his help and upbringing.”
It is best to change apartments and live separately from parents, because it is in this format that it will be easiest for each party to observe personal boundaries. Of course, the conversation about the exchange will not be easy. It may not be possible to solve everything at once.
“But you definitely need to let go and forget past grievances, and give the blurred boundaries concrete form. And if you can not change anything for the better, then you should once again think about renting a room or apartment to finally stop depending on parents. Moreover, living separately, you felt most comfortable, concluded the expert.
Parents are the closest people to each person, but they too can make mistakes, be angry, radiate pessimism, or simply be unbearable. But they do not cease to be the people who gave a ticket to life, put in the best of their children.
Therefore, you should show more respect for their desires and be more patient with their antics. Only time will tell how good parents each of us will be.
Bad relationship with my father (or his absence in the life of his daughter) has a bad effect on her future fate. And even in adulthood, when a woman has already created her own family, she needs the support of both parents. But that's not always possible.
547348
My husband and I have been together for 3 years, although we were married only a couple of months ago. At first I lived with his parents, but from there I had a long way to go to work. Then they rented a room with friends, and it was beautiful: a modest but cozy corner where you feel at home. But relations with drinking neighbors did not develop, and therefore I had to move, says 24-year-old Olga.
My parents have been divorced for 11 years, living in separate spacious apartments. But they don't want to change houses. In addition, my mother is not the easiest relationship: I had to go to a psychologist for a year to get along with her. And moving in with her now is ruining everything again. Therefore, my husband and I decided to move to my father, especially since he himself called.
“Dad left the family when I was 13. Until my 20th birthday, we didn’t talk at all. Only in the last year began to call, I tried to visit at least once a month. We live under the same roof.”
“He doesn’t care about our privacy, but he doesn’t seem to take me and my husband seriously. All our ideas are criticized and only laughed at. He is constantly saying some strange jokes that only make him laugh.”
“I am terribly uncomfortable that he is trying to educate me in this way. I want us to have exceptionally good neighborly relations. We cannot move, because we will have to throw away a lot of money that could in the future go to buy their own housing.”
“Why doesn’t he want to know that the time to educate me is wasted? Why does he not perceive me as an adult and how to establish relationships at all?
“In order to be perceived as an adult, you must behave accordingly. Only then it will be possible to build reasonable boundaries in relationships, says psychotherapist Lucy Mikaelian.
“You believe that father is bad To you? But he allowed you to live nearby because he feels you are close people. You also receive this help from a close person. Perhaps you perceive his attempts to be useful as compensation for the years when you had to live without him, without his help and upbringing.”
It is best to change apartments and live separately from parents, because it is in this format that it will be easiest for each party to observe personal boundaries. Of course, the conversation about the exchange will not be easy. It may not be possible to solve everything at once.
“But you definitely need to let go and forget past grievances, and give the blurred boundaries concrete form. And if you can not change anything for the better, then you should once again think about renting a room or apartment to finally stop depending on parents. Moreover, living separately, you felt most comfortable, concluded the expert.
Parents are the closest people to each person, but they too can make mistakes, be angry, radiate pessimism, or simply be unbearable. But they do not cease to be the people who gave a ticket to life, put in the best of their children.
Therefore, you should show more respect for their desires and be more patient with their antics. Only time will tell how good parents each of us will be.
