1 500 lovers told what the secret of a happy relationship

One million ninety one thousand two hundred eleven

Well-known writer and blogger mark Manson (Mark Manson) conducted an incredible experiment. He interviewed 1 500 lovers to find out what the secret to their strong and long relationship. And what he found amazed him.

The editors of the Website provides a brief version of the greatest benefits to relationships and matters of the heart based on the research of Mark.

"Romeo and Juliet" is not a love story. It is a three day relationship between a 13 year old girl and 17 year old boyfriend, because of which 6 people died.

Real love is a choice. It is a constant devotion to a person, regardless of immediate circumstances. Many people are instead addicted to the UPS and downs of romantic love. When feelings are over, they leave the relationship.

Many people begin a relationship to compensate for something they lack or what they hate about themselves. It's a one way ticket. Love is conditional: you together while giving each other.

Mark asked people who were married not for the first time, that they did not. With a huge margin to win the response "met a man for the wrong reasons".

For example:

  • pressure from friends or family;
  • someone felt like a loser, being alone, and agreed to the first counter;
  • relationships for the sake of image, because the relationship looked good on paper or in photos, not because two men admired each other;
  • was young and naive, a fool in love, thinking that love will solve all the problems;
  • the desire to correct themselves at the expense of another person.

Much has been said about the victims in the relationship. You need to keep the relationship happy, constantly making sacrifices for your partner, his desires and needs. But the problems start when all the happiness of the relationship depends on the other person and both partners are in a constant state of sacrifice.

For a healthy and happy relationship needs two healthy and happy person. Key word — personality. That is two people, each of which retains its own identity, its own interests, aspirations and what he does in his personal time.

People who have been through divorce and have been with their partners for 10-15 years, almost always argued that communication is the most important condition that all worked. But the people who were married for 20, 30 or even 40 years, talked about respect.

The conflicts are inevitable. The only thing that can save your relationship — a constant respect for each other, faith in each other.

In addition, you have to respect yourself. Without self-esteem you will constantly feel the need to prove themselves that they are worthy of love, and it gives just the opposite effect.

Here are examples of correct behavior given by many lovers:

  • Never not speak badly about your partner and do not complain about him to the friends. If you have problems, you should speak with him about it.
  • Respect for the fact that the partner has Hobbies, interests, and perspectives different from your own.
  • Respect the right to vote in the relationship. Remember you are a team and if one of the team members are unhappy, unsuccessful Union.
  • There are no secrets. If you are together and respect each other, everything should be fair.

Couples who have been married for over 20 years, often spoke about how much people change over the decades and how the partner is willing to accept these changes. Apparently, you read this and think, "of course, he loves sausages, and a few years may love steak. We can handle that".

No, I'm talking about drastic life changes. You are going to be together for decades, and some really serious problem can ruin all the fun. Among the major life change, faced (and overcame) a married couple were: a change of religion, moving to another country, death of relatives, caring for older family members, change of political belief, even a change in sexual orientation.

People sing the praises of separate Bank accounts and credit cards, your own friends and Hobbies and annual leave, one by one. Some go so far that recommends separate bathrooms or even bedrooms.

Some are afraid to give your partner freedom and independence. The more we want to be valued and loved, the stronger trying to control the partner. However, this failure to give a partner to be themselves is a subtle form of disrespect.

When people talk about the significance of the constant "good communication", they mean this: be prepared for uncomfortable conversations. But remember a few tips:

  • Do not allow yourself to personal insults.
  • Do not move past arguments/ conflicts in the current fight. It will not change anything and will only double differences.
  • If things are too heated, give yourself a moment to breathe. Get away for a while and come back when the emotions subside.
  • Don't forget that being right is not as important as the fact that both people feel that they are heard and respected. You may be right, but if it makes your partner feel that you love him, you do not win real.

If something about your relationship bothers you, you should be prepared to say about it. Displays trust, and trust will build intimacy. It may hurt, but you still need to do so. Nobody else will fix your relationship for you.

Learn to distinguish the truly secretive behavior of the partner from their own cockroaches in the head (and Vice versa). It's not easy and will likely require a confrontation to get to the bottom. But in most fights one thinks, this is absolutely fine, and second, that it is a "complete ass".

Never forget about the little things. They are of great importance. Such simple things as talking to each other "I love you" before bedtime, holding hands while watching a movie, doing nice things, helping out around the house. Even to clean up after yourself if you accidentally peed on the toilet seat.

This becomes especially important when you have kids. The advice I've heard hundreds of times, reads: put your marriage first. Readers begged regularly organize "raids into the restaurant", to plan trips for the weekend and leave time for the two of you.

When two persons have a joint life, there are bound to be different values and they will conflict on this ground. The main thing — not to try to change the other person, and try to keep the differences and to love each other, to be able to forgive when the situation reaches to the extreme.

Your ideal partner is not someone who creates problems in the relationship, but the person who creates such problems, the solution of which you enjoy.

Sex it as the report of the President on the situation in the country. If all good relationships, the sex is all good. You both will want it and enjoy it. Many readers of Mark believe that sex not only has a relationship, but also helps them to improve.

Everyone has a clear idea about how to work relationships. Both partners share responsibilities among themselves, and each maintains a balance between time together and time left for yourself.

But in real life it's different. Hard. It seems that you're trying to say with the wall. Relationships are messy simply because the people in them are imperfect, too.

The division of labor beneficial to all. Find out what you do best, what you love and what I hate to do, and based on this, agree.

The nurse wrote to me that she often had to work with older patients. Once she got into conversation with an 80 year old patient about marriage in General and about why his Union lasted so long. The man replied:

"A relationship is like the waves — like a continuous series of changing emotions, UPS and downs. The main thing to understand is that these waves are only in very rare cases have anything to do with the quality of the relationship: people lose jobs, family members die, a pair of moving, people changing careers, make money and lose a lot of money. No such wave is not eternal, and eventually you'll just stay together."

Afterword from Mark and his readers Margot "You can overcome anything, if you do not harm yourself or your partner. Not shame each other and not ridicule what makes your partner happy. Write down what you fell in love with each other, and practice reading it every anniversary (and more often). Write each other love letters.

When you have children, you will easily be able to master this madness, when they become the only purpose of life... But don't forget the love that allowed them to be born. This will teach love to your children. The spouse always comes first. Each of you will continue to develop. Be the one who encourages this development. Do not expect that other will keep in touch.

Love your partner the way he is. Love even when not in the mood. Trust to each other. Give one another the right to doubt. Be honest. Be proud of each other. Be open to change and accept the new. Print this list and check every day with him."

Source markmanson.net, vk.com/newochem

See also
9 of the laws of happy relationship
36 questions that lead to love
The whole truth about men

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