Mom was right...

Mom was right...I was 16, and I was sure that my life will be better than hers, well, because I'm smarter. At 16, I felt like irreparable clever. And argued with her for any reason. For some reason she was angry. Our discussion ended with something like:
— You run away, eat first.
— Long walk — freeze.
— Close his mouth.

Forty two million eight hundred forty eight thousand nine hundred thirteen



At 23 I knew exactly what she in this life does not. I'm not so often argued, but suspect that I will do everything differently. I gave her to read "the right books" and was indignant that she had not taken them into account. OK, I thought, and decided that she is from harm. I often heard from her:
Do you have money?
— Just tell me how much you wait.
— Close his mouth.

Needless to say that in 25 dip into psychotherapy, I suddenly realized, who is the reason that I have not so great as want? She. I was not going to be silent. And she was silent. My absolutely emotional outbursts, she answered:
— You too will have children.
— You're out of luck with my parents.
— Close his mouth.

30 I still wasn't going to calm down. For 35 years I plowed his own life so that have left from the previous stone. Around me squeal all, including myself, and only she remained quiet, were gratified by my foray into her kitchen and didn't ask too many questions. And I had nothing to say to her. I just sat there and said nothing. And she was silent. And I could not be silent. And I had nothing to say.

How does she do it? Never know. Her life was not psychotherapists, smart books about the separation of lectures about the crisis of teenagers and adult women. And now that I'm almost 40, I realize with sadness that in this endless dialogue with her, I was frisky the squirrel, furiously waving his wisdom, which besides the book of truths and of their own ambitions little stood.

But her silence and occasional comments, it was not the easy and serene life, her life, her mother's life, and our family, generation after generation out hunting for a place under the sun.

No 16 or 20 or 25 I didn't want to ignore the obvious:

• she always accurately identify dangerous people in my life even if you saw them a few minutes. Sorry, but I never listened to her advice. Later and she never said the sacred: "I told you so".
• while I was doubled over in righteous anger, and tried a painful bite, she tried to Pat me on the head.
• she has always provided me the freedom to do what I thought was right. I have never in my life faced with her opposition to what was important to me.
• she was always waiting and waiting for me at home. No matter what, I always got somewhere to go. And to each my arrival she prepares delicious. And this is regardless of how much I will be on the threshold of the house. At three o'clock or three o'clock in the day.

​
Seventy nine million two hundred five thousand three hundred seventy



And I, looking at my children, I often think, where I should remain silent, not to hurt, not to scare, not to discourage the desire to try to live on his own.

And honestly, I learned that she, my mother. And each of my awkward attempt to go back in time and fix everything, mom smiles and says that he doesn't remember my steps. Boggles. And hugs. And I close my mouth.
And in the silence I hear the ticking time. And I silently whisper to him — slow down, please...published 

 

Author: Elena Potapenko

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: www.facebook.com/elena.potapenko.26/posts/1168079209979260