Generation "uncle Fedor" — the desire to control parents and the world

When we talk about alpha complex in children, that often we are talking about such manifestations, as an instinctive desire to control parents and the world, the need to control everything and to command, a tendency to tyranny and aggressive manifestations in a child. At the same time, the alpha-complex is a different and very attractive face is giperatidnyi, hypersonically child. About these children I would like to talk.

I myself was such a child and know from experience what it's like. How many I remember myself — I remember my mother's phrase: "Anna, watch your brother!"





And I watched, and I did not need twice asking, I did this quite voluntarily and eagerly. One of my first memories: my parents aren't home and need to change brother's diaper. This is a serious challenge for both of us — brother squirms, breaking free, but I somehow manage. Given that the pot we were taught in a half year, I was at that moment about 3 years. Concern about the extremely lively and naughty brother was a troublesome business. Had for suspenders to pull him out of Tbilisi and the Peterhof fountains to convince to jump with an umbrella from the fourth floor is a very bad idea. Catch him when he did a back flip with house on the Playground, to keep it away do not overeat sweet, not to have eaten something that he is allergic. My friend's mother many times then with emotion said: sit crumb, small crumb indicates different dishes on the table and about each asks: "Anna, what's up?" A big baby, says that you can not.

There were, I confess, moments when I was tired to worry about younger and my kindness evaporated. Then, instead of care, I as much abused brother, for example, pretended to be dead and enjoyed what he believed in, feared, and begged me to rise. Enjoying his pleas, I quickly "resurrected" and said, "Joke! Do you really believe that?!" Such blatant bullying talked about the fact that I, too, was not always easy.

My mother worked two jobs, dad of three, my job was to follow brother. In General, the muscle responsible for the care of younger, trained me badly and then a lot of times has served me in life a good service and is still. I nurse all nurse, all over the beach wearing sun hat and all the smear sunscreen. Instinctive desire and even the need to take responsibility, to care for and protect spread then slop Leningrad kittens and doves, crying at night children at camp, at friends and classmates, and eventually my mother.

Fourteen years since I had a clear feeling that I am actually a mother to my mom.





Alice Miller "Drama of the gifted child" says that children who are accustomed to sensitively track the mental state of their mothers and taking responsibility for these States to develop such incredible "antenna" to capture the movements of another soul, it is not surprising that such children then grow psychotherapists, psychologists and other social workers. Many of these professionals are former children of alpha complex. Me too, by default, be a support and help activities.

All of my positive qualities and efforts have brought me praise, love and recognition, but in addition a huge responsibility, I felt great concern and anxiety. I was not able to do something bad, I could not to let anyone down. In second grade I up to 3 nights once rewrote the book, until the calluses on his fingers were rewritten, the parents, the Duo convinced me to spit and go to bed, but it was impossible, neurosis forced again and again to rewrite it, until it's beautiful. It's still hard to stop and not to rewrite it 150 times already and normal text. Perfectionism is rooted in anxiety, but there were other, less desirable symptoms: fears, anxiety, phobias, panic attacks — all the bits and pieces of the young pioneer. Among my friends in my generation – we have many of these.

Generation uncle Fedor, in the apt word Ludmila Petranovskoj is we, that's me. I – Dyadya Fedor.

And uncle Theodore to be good: you used a free, independent, decide how to be and how to live, but you can't rely on anyone, you don't someone to rely on, and you're responsible for everything — and you end up scared. Even if there is someone nearby whom you could rely on no longer works, there is no habit — it feels weird and very vulnerable.

Uncle Fyodor is very difficult to take care of, he needs serious ache, to come to this thing.

This is the case with giperatidnye children who were stuck in a dominant position and has a habit of taking care of all around.

They bear a huge load, tasaciones burden they bear due to internal resources that could go to the game, the formation, maturation, brain maturation.

Instead, the resource is spent on a lifetime struggle with anxiety, and if you knew how much to eat fear and how much just happens and is not done just because of these stupid fears.

In General, the moral, as always, is simple: on the one hand, and that was that, and for something that was good and thank you that was so, and not worse. But on the other hand — let the children be children, and let everything be in its time, the weak psyche should be protected from excessive problems. As said my grandmother: "Not my dish, babe, let me wash, will namesse!" She didn't know was that invented the dishwasher. published

Author: Anna Gasinska

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

Source: alpha-parenting.ru/2016/12/08/anna-sledi-za-bratom/