What can't we change, changes us Bashny.Net

What kind of people can best cope with adversity? Such inflexible, which nothing can hurt? What's interesting — not at all. Our brain is structured in such a way that it is, first and foremost, seeking a way out, a solution. He's trying to change things by using the energy of formation and boldness. If this fails, if the attempt does not lead to the goal, the brain comes to the point where you begin to feel the futility of all efforts.

This is a critically important process in which what can't we change, changes us, in psychology is called an adaptation (I guess we are all familiar with the "adapters", which devices are compatible, suitable to each other).





Even Friedrich Schiller wrote: "Happy is the man who has learned to bear what you cannot change, and with honour to abandon that which he cannot save".=- what cannot change, is a crucial process to move forward in life. The most successful are those that allow the many small everyday failures to deprive them of courage, but to extract lessons from them on how not to do things.

About the famous inventor Thomas Edison tell that he was trying to create a practical electric light bulb, experimented with hundreds of different materials, including such exotic as charred bamboo fibers. And only with the tungsten he succeeded. To achieve this, he had just time to accept what cannot be changed, i.e. the unsatisfactory performance of the bulb, while holding on to the fact that it was still possible to change, thus feeling for the path in the maze.

This ability is not taken for granted. Many children, Teens and even many adults are not able to process failures and learn from mistakes. This important achievement is possible only in case if the futility of our actions or inevitability of something that we don't like, is recorded by our brain and passed on, in the area of emotions. What is happening at the moment in our body, is highly interesting from a biological point of view.





Our nervous system knows two basic States:

A) the setting for the fight/flight ("Let Papa won't leave!"). Our body produces adrenaline, it is awake and tense. We barely feel pain, fatigue, hunger, and capable of great physical stress.

B) where in the brain emerges the futility of our efforts and we accept the need to endure what we cannot change, our body switches to a state of relaxation. Suddenly we feel how much we are tired, hungry, exhausted, how exciting and how painful it all was — and at this point often shed tears, especially among kids ("Mom, I'm so sad!").

These tears have a different chemical composition than, for example, tears that occur when cutting onionsbecause they help the body to get rid of neurotransmitters (biologically active chemicals), which were required by the body in a state of "fight and flight". Folk wisdom says about the bitter tears we shed, crying for something for which we long, but struggled in vain.

So after this crying we feel tired, but at the same time, as if purified in the good sense of "empty," that is, tamed. Neurochemistry that were needed to "fight and flight" were removed from the body through the kidneys and tears — and we relaxed.

 



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Although the situation has not improved, we feel better and notice: we can live with the fact that dad left for work, grandma can't come, hamster died, and before dinner do not give candy. It gives us strength to survive the next trouble, because our brain remembers sad events, obstacles and failures are not the end of the world. Science calls the ability to cope with adversity and recover from crises, leaving them even stronger than before, the psychological resistance.published

Excerpt from the book Dagmar Neubronner "to Understand children. A guide to the theory of attachment Gordon Neufeld"

 



Source: www.facebook.com/thetenderbean/posts/1150159091768487:0