Often we parents get angry at our children for what they are constantly asking to buy them things. Sometimes we think that we have a house for a toy store and little. Sometimes we buy, sometimes we explain that there is no way, sometimes simply refuse and get angry.
But there are also the reverse situation. The child asks for nothing. In these situations parents are usually very happy, even proud of their child. Moreover, parents often praise the child for what he asks for nothing, and compare with other children. The comparison is in favor of a child leads to that child again and again want to praise. And how to get it? Not to ask for anything. It would seem that nothing terrible in this situation, no. However, the consequences are not always favorable. I will mention here is the tale, which is not the result of fiction.
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A tale about a girl who asked nothing
There was a Little Girl. She really wanted to be a Good Little Girl, but she has not really worked. Daddy always scolded her and said, "Behave yourself", but never told how to behave, what you need to do this.
One day a Little Girl heard a stern Mother said to the Grandmother: "All the children are always asking parents and throwing tantrums in stores, and our Little Girl never asks". And the Little Girl realized that this was her chance to be a Good Little Girl! It's simple! You only need not to ask for anything. Since she asked nothing, remembering all those nasty kids who beg for toys. She dreamed about the doll in a beautiful lace hat on the bear, but never dared to tell mother about his wishes, because she hoped to be a Good Little Girl. Gradually she forgot how to want. But she never became mom's Good Little Girl.
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The little Girl grew up. She was a Big Girl. And one day on her 16th birthday a Good Grandfather gave her the money. They could buy a lot of things. And Big Girl went shopping. But she couldn't choose for themselves. In the end, the Big Girl bought gifts for his Strict Mother and Younger Sister, because Good Girls always care about others. Then the Big Girl become an Adult Woman. She hasn't asked a Strict Mom, because she could buy what she needed. But she's forgotten how to want. She came into the store, looked at things but couldn't choose, couldn't buy what it was she needed. Somewhere inside a voice said "good Girls do not ask, do not want, do not buy". She wore old clothes that were given to her friend. If she still bought myself something, usually for a long time reproached himself and was still dissatisfied with the purchase. She forgot not only want, but choose to rejoice in the fact that there is... But she was a Good Girl.
What conclusion can we draw from this story? If the child is not expressing his desires, he gradually ceases to want.
But what about parents whose children all the time you ask for something?
First of all, be happy that their children are able to Express their wishes! If sometimes your kids are annoying or upsetting you with my endless requests, remember the story about a girl who has forgotten how to want, and be happy that your children do not forgotten.
Secondly, sometimes it is important (of course) to meet the requests of the child. Maybe sometimes children's requests seem silly, unfounded and not worthy of attention.
Five-year-old Misha asks grandfather's airplane, which is sold in the kiosk and costs 38 rubles. But grandpa does not agree. He said: "I'd rather you birthday will give the plane. And this bad fast break". All is good, but only the birthday Misha in six months.
Dear adults, whether you get the joy of buying little things for yourself? Magazine, a new hairbrush, some accessories for the kitchen or car... All of this is important to us pleasant things that we regularly allow ourselves. Also child it is important sometimes to get some unplanned small gifts that will make him happy.
Thirdly, it is important to talk with your child, to discuss and to plan purchases. Why is it necessary? Sometimes the discussion of plans, even without the action gives a person a certain satisfaction.
Vika (5.5 years) asked for my mom's doll. The doll is not cheap, and mum understands exactly what to buy the toy right now, it will not. But the mother sees that the request is not a whim. Vika really wants to get this doll as a gift. Then mom does the following. She start talking with Vika. Mom says that he understands the desire Vicki, the doll is really just wonderful. But right now, it will not buy, will have to wait a while. Vika and her mother discussing what a doll from the store variety will choose Vika, as she will play with her, etc. It is a detailed discussion helps the wick to relive one not very pleasant fact that coveted doll will be her in a month.
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Fourthly, it is important to help to verbalize and relive the child all his desires. Yes, that's all. In the previous example, we described how mom and Vic discussed the upcoming purchase of a doll and it had only one wish. But the child is usually not one wish. Don't be afraid that the child will begin to call everything, and you will not be able to fulfill his request. This is not required. The objective of this technique is somewhat different.
So, ask the child to tell what he wants. Let child name a desire, and you yourself (if the child is still really good), or the child zarisovyval this desire in a special Album Desires (the idea to paint the desire described in the book V. Olender a "Window to the world of the child"). If the child wants the ball, draw the ball, if he wants the plane, draw the plane and so on until you exhaust all the desires of the child. You think that you will draw indefinitely? Try it and you will see that it is not. As a rule, children enthusiastically take up the matter and it seems that the album is not enough. In reality, the number of desires is quite limited.
That we, parents, will give this album?
Tatiana, Dasha's mother (6 years old) says: "When we with Dasha drew her desires, I was surprised. It turns out that my daughter dreams of the simple things that I had no idea: barrette, badminton, beads for weaving. All of these are simple and important things. And I didn't even know what it is about them dreams. And I was so happy when we together went to the store to buy her hair clips!".
Irina, mom of Leni (5 years): "I always thought that my son was just asking, and no way to fulfill his wishes. So I always had him as soon as he started to ask. Now I understand that once I refused him one, he immediately started to ask something else, hoping for some kind of purchase. And so on to infinity. It irritated me even more, and a full circle. Now we were able to break the cycle. Desires lenny's not so little. But some of them are quite simple: the new pencils, ball‑bounce, stickers. So are we clear about our desires. Some I did right away. Some desires we postponed until the day of birth (e.g., Railways). Some agreed to implement gradually. If the desire is fulfilled, Leon glues a sticker to the appropriate page. Now he sees how many of his desires already fulfilled. Lenya stopped every day to ask me everything. This is important to me."
What to do with the album? Discuss how important each desired object and can it be replaced by something else. For example, if a girl wants beads, it is possible that you have something suitable among the old ornaments. One boy asked him to buy pins, but was happy when dad asked him instead to make the most skittles out of empty plastic bottles. The boy wanted a doll and was happy when mom got out with a mezzanine doll, which she played herself. Mom did not think that the boy may want to play with a doll. You can continue to play with this album. You can draw new desire to paint Paul.
I suggested this game to many fathers and mothers who complained that their children constantly ask for something. Here are their stories.
The history of Victoria, mother Sasha, "I was afraid to go with my son to the store. He constantly asked to buy something and whined, "Well buy something". I didn't know what to do. I bought him many toys, but he asked for another. After we started the Album Desires, things have went smoothly. Sasha drew another car, and then we thought, how many cars already there, and laughed. It turns out that the machine he didn't really need".
The story of Svetlana, mum Dice: "We painted and painted, sometimes looked through the album. Kostya something crossed out, dorisovyvat something. At first I thought to draw the stupid desire that I will only frustrate a child, because I can't buy him everything he wants. Then I saw that many desires are not very important to him, but what he wants is a railroad. He often referred to that figure, something finish. Thanks to the album I was able to understand that the railway is a really important wish Bones."
The story of Catherine, mother of Lena: "After we began to draw, Lena was less to ask. Once considered to become. It seems to me that when she draws, she already gets part of what he wants."
Also interesting: you don't have children "to love"
The men's game
Allow the child to talk about their desires!published