A sense of security, which we lack...

Freedom is dangerous, but it provides us with the security.

Harry Fosdick

 

One of the most entertaining moments associated with psychology is that it gives many tools to look inside some of the thought process or feelings. It is always interesting to find out what lies behind the veil of someone else's or your own consciousness. Sometimes it resembles the process of peeping through the keyhole or listening at the door.

"Because there's something in there, and that's a fact! And I can get to the bottom of this!" Often the expectation of proximity to the junction induces a feeling of this passion and desire to move to the end, like when approaching the last pages of a detective novel.





The client came with the problem of anxiety and uncertainty in their abilities. Set myself a list of promising targets, he came to the conclusion that all of these items continue to remain on paper, but did not want to even remotely appear in real life.

It would seem that such important issues related to career, business, and personal life. But all evolved in such a way, as if specially in the "right" moments arise various obstacles, "protecting" him from having to begin implementation of the plan.

Later, we came customer the conclusion that most of the goals that it had set itself, have been associated with serious beyond his comfort zone. Whatever the benefits desired, he was very confused by the lack of a sense of security when I started to think about the purpose.

There, outside the usual reality, all seemed related to the stress, uncertainty and high probability of a negative outcome. Imagination dorisovyvat picture of failures and defeats, and the thought of that future, caused a feeling of depression and despair.

For the "keyhole" of the list of good, desirable and clear objectives were unmet need for protection and security. In Maslow's hierarchy of needs it takes almost the lowest level.

This means that it has a very high priority, that is, until satisfied, it makes no sense to even think about something more "high -" development-related, career or personal life.

The client acknowledged that a sense of security occupied a Central place in the list of resources that he needed. Even the notorious self-confidence and calmness were derived from this experience.

This conclusion prompted me to the idea that this is not an isolated case. Often the loss of sense of security leads to the fact that a person seeks to recover, wanting to earn a lot of money to organize their career or personal life.

In this quest there is nothing wrong and wrong, except that all attempts to find internal resources due to external factors. After reaching the desired people can come to the conclusion that it is safer to live no more. Now he thinks it would not have happened what with his millions, with authority on a prestigious job, or the perfect soul mate.

As we lose a sense of security?

To lose this barneysny resource is very simple. Sometimes there's a traumatic situation, in result of which there was a sense of fear or related thoughts. Further "devastating" job mentality will make itself, creating the appropriate limiting beliefs and suspense. In other cases, it can occur without the spot of the incident on his experience. It is enough to hear someone's chilling story or watch the corresponding program on TV or the Internet.

Not less influence on the loss of security can have a reputable others, leading by example paranoid behavior or defining tricky questions like "are you sure that you are not threatened....?".

How to get that feeling back?

Often the loss of a sense of security along with loss of confidence to others and the world. It is therefore very difficult to fix this internal resource with external factors. Is itself literally a wall of his environment, he moved to his own house, his backyard with a high fence, putting secure locks and alarm. But even all these measures may not produce the desired effect.

Security is so fundamental and basic resource that it is necessarily linked to our deepest beliefs about ourselves, other people and the world in General. First of all you need to make General cleaning of all harmful convictions listed in the previous sentence, the incarnation, and, of course, to replace them with a useful and environmentally friendly.

While we do not feel within themselves the faith and the conviction that the world and surrounding people, really kind and trustworthy, we don't get a sense of security.

This is well stated in the following parable about a traveler.

The walls of one Eastern city sat a man. He was approached by a boy and asked:

– I haven't been here. What kind of people live in this city?
The old man answered him with a question:
– What kind of people were in the city from which you left?
– It was selfish and evil people. However, that is why I was glad to leave there.
Here you will meet exactly the same, – replied the old man.

A little later, another man approached the man and asked the same question:
– I just arrived. Say, man, what kind of people live in this city?
The old man answered him all the same question:
– Tell me, Sonny, how people behaved in the city where you came from?
– Oh, it was kind, hospitable and noble souls. I left a lot of friends, and that was hard for me to part with them.
You will find the same here, ' said the old man.

Not far away stood a man who had heard both dialogue. He turned to the man with a reproach:
– How can you different people give two completely different answers to the same question?
– You see, my son, ' replied the old man, the people around us become what we find them. The one who in the past have not found anything worthy in those parts where he came, will not find anything good. Conversely, someone who had friends in another city, and here, too, will find true and loyal friends. Because everyone carries his own world in his heart.

Lastly I want to touch on one point closely associated with the sense of security or safety.We are talking about freedom. It is often a force, pushing us beyond our own comfort zone. Unfortunately, it is impossible to get both freedom and security, it is necessary to choose between them. Many do not have enough protection, but if someone wants to gain freedom, then he should be prepared for the anxiety that is associated with it.





Finally, the parable about a bird in a cage.

One very long lived bird in a cage. She often looked through the bars of the cage in the window where you could see the trees and the meadow. She saw other birds that are fun to fly out there, and often wondered how it feels as the sun warms her back and the wind spreads its wings, and, soaring and swooping down to catch the fly midges.

When the bird thought about it, her heart began to beat faster. She sat higher up on the bar and breathing deeply, almost felt the thrill of possible flight.

Sometimes, the other bird sat on the ledge by the window, a little rest there and saw the bird sitting in a cage. Traveler bowed his head to the side and would have asked himself whether this. Bird in the cage! Unthinkable!

And in these moments, the bird started to feel quite miserable. Her little shoulders dejectedly down my throat was a lump, but at heart lay a sorrow.

 



The clips in my throat — your "silent" problems

Find out WHAT's hiding behind your dislike of others

 

One day the owner of the birds left the cage door open. The bird sat and looked out through the open door. She saw birds fluttering there, at liberty, saw the sun playing on their backs, and the wind stirs the feathers, and felt the excitement. The bird noticed that the window was open, and her heart beating even faster.

She tried to decide what she should do.

And she's still thinking, thinking, when at sunset the owner comes back and locked the cage door.

So, a bird, whatever her motives, prefer security to freedom. published

 

Author: Dmitry Ostrouchov

 



Source: www.b17.ru/article/zashishennost_kotoroj_ne_hvataet/