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The real reason for killing the relationship
Mind with their ideas similar to the archive shelves, which kept the ancient handbooks and the contract. In the Handbook, for example, can be given relatively clear with the nuances of the definition of friendship, and the contract regulated the rights and obligations of each abstract.
And if by some private signs shall be credited to the friends, the mind begins to extrapolate – to make far-reaching conclusions from these private properties. First attributed to a living person all other perceived qualities of a friend (from your directory), and then imaginary obligations (from agreement) that a real friend "obliged" to perform. Otherwise, our internal "judge" commits a violation and such doers of injustice angry, wants to punish the offender and to compel performance of the agreement.
People near you may not even suspect that was somebody's friend. In his mind the twinning contract can describe quite different principles.
In such a situation, when instead of the expected "friendship" get something unexpectedly unpleasantin order not to be offended, it is useful to recognize that the problem arose not because the person did a wrong, specifically because of their own unrealistic expectations – he was fascinated by himself. This realization is pure demonstration of responsibility, exempting from the position of the victim.
In the archives of the mind of such contracts is abundance, on all occasions. There "prescribed" rights and responsibilities of family, loved ones, buddies, colleagues and even strangers. The mind contains a rich set of personal laws that life is supposed to fit. In the end, not communicate with people, but with mental templates to find out which of them is more important and more real.
In relationships
In a love relationship the subject of such formalities is even more penetrating. The fact of being in a relationship for most partners already implies the subordination of the whole set of obligations.
As soon as the partners hung on what is happening between themselves and each other with some labels, immediately begin clarifying "relations," attempts to determine what contract they meet and where are violated.In the end, two involved not so much alive, real relationship, how in such proceedings and lawsuits.
Substance, which by mistake so often mistaken for relationship – not something real that between two people is already happening, as just another set of rights and responsibilities – something artificial, implied and expected.
Only that between people is already happening and is their a real relationship. As soon as they shanaytsa in the formal order of them goes all the ease and gradually penetrates internally. The more hardened views about what relationships should be all the more painful grinding – breaking their own beliefs. And the probability to attain harmony and peace with a partner are slim to none.
It is alive and spontaneous, that really brings people together in itself can be a wonderful thing. But if it's a little insensitive to rush ahead of the engine with a blind belief in how relations should develop, you can inadvertently this fragile substance to crush.
The fact of reality
Another example. Imagine this situation, where the wolf, wanting more effective to hunt rabbits, decides to agree with the eagle that he was helping the victim to hunt down. As payment of hired labour, eagle, wolf divides booty. Eagle transaction satisfied, but sometimes he was hurt from the formal callous attitude of the wolf. Eagle, working with the wolf, mistakes him for a close person friend and is waiting for some reciprocal feelings. A wolf has no need for. He wants extremely effective foraging birds, and the whims of the eagle encounters with irritation.
It is useful to understand that the employer is not obliged to love. He hires an assistant, not for spiritual comradeship, and for dry mutual benefit. And as long as you hold the template, what should be the chief good, polite, endowing, permanent dissatisfaction is provided.
From the wolf it is useless to expect the habits of a loyal pet dog. And offense here is usually just useless, and not what the wolf behaves like a wolf not out of spite, but because this is his wolf nature.
If someone has behaved is unacceptable to attribute the reason for their dissatisfaction with another's behavior – a dumping of responsibility. The real reason for inside – breaking your own template, not the actual fact of reality.
Real relationships may not be as enchanting tales that draw expectations. But if the release of claims is impossible, the idea of right and wrong relationships, it may be thatpeople nearby like it the way it is – imperfect, with the troubles real.published
Author: Igor Satorin
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: progressman.ru/2016/07/rr/
And if by some private signs shall be credited to the friends, the mind begins to extrapolate – to make far-reaching conclusions from these private properties. First attributed to a living person all other perceived qualities of a friend (from your directory), and then imaginary obligations (from agreement) that a real friend "obliged" to perform. Otherwise, our internal "judge" commits a violation and such doers of injustice angry, wants to punish the offender and to compel performance of the agreement.
People near you may not even suspect that was somebody's friend. In his mind the twinning contract can describe quite different principles.
In such a situation, when instead of the expected "friendship" get something unexpectedly unpleasantin order not to be offended, it is useful to recognize that the problem arose not because the person did a wrong, specifically because of their own unrealistic expectations – he was fascinated by himself. This realization is pure demonstration of responsibility, exempting from the position of the victim.
In the archives of the mind of such contracts is abundance, on all occasions. There "prescribed" rights and responsibilities of family, loved ones, buddies, colleagues and even strangers. The mind contains a rich set of personal laws that life is supposed to fit. In the end, not communicate with people, but with mental templates to find out which of them is more important and more real.
In relationships
In a love relationship the subject of such formalities is even more penetrating. The fact of being in a relationship for most partners already implies the subordination of the whole set of obligations.
As soon as the partners hung on what is happening between themselves and each other with some labels, immediately begin clarifying "relations," attempts to determine what contract they meet and where are violated.In the end, two involved not so much alive, real relationship, how in such proceedings and lawsuits.
Substance, which by mistake so often mistaken for relationship – not something real that between two people is already happening, as just another set of rights and responsibilities – something artificial, implied and expected.
Only that between people is already happening and is their a real relationship. As soon as they shanaytsa in the formal order of them goes all the ease and gradually penetrates internally. The more hardened views about what relationships should be all the more painful grinding – breaking their own beliefs. And the probability to attain harmony and peace with a partner are slim to none.
It is alive and spontaneous, that really brings people together in itself can be a wonderful thing. But if it's a little insensitive to rush ahead of the engine with a blind belief in how relations should develop, you can inadvertently this fragile substance to crush.
The fact of reality
Another example. Imagine this situation, where the wolf, wanting more effective to hunt rabbits, decides to agree with the eagle that he was helping the victim to hunt down. As payment of hired labour, eagle, wolf divides booty. Eagle transaction satisfied, but sometimes he was hurt from the formal callous attitude of the wolf. Eagle, working with the wolf, mistakes him for a close person friend and is waiting for some reciprocal feelings. A wolf has no need for. He wants extremely effective foraging birds, and the whims of the eagle encounters with irritation.
It is useful to understand that the employer is not obliged to love. He hires an assistant, not for spiritual comradeship, and for dry mutual benefit. And as long as you hold the template, what should be the chief good, polite, endowing, permanent dissatisfaction is provided.
From the wolf it is useless to expect the habits of a loyal pet dog. And offense here is usually just useless, and not what the wolf behaves like a wolf not out of spite, but because this is his wolf nature.
If someone has behaved is unacceptable to attribute the reason for their dissatisfaction with another's behavior – a dumping of responsibility. The real reason for inside – breaking your own template, not the actual fact of reality.
Real relationships may not be as enchanting tales that draw expectations. But if the release of claims is impossible, the idea of right and wrong relationships, it may be thatpeople nearby like it the way it is – imperfect, with the troubles real.published
Author: Igor Satorin
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: progressman.ru/2016/07/rr/
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