Best of all are those requests that sound in time when they can perform in the course of life naturally and easily. Please throw away the trash bag is misplaced when the child is already undressed, having come from the street; it sounds so much better when he stripped; and occurs naturally when the child is dressed and ready to go outside. The rule for the right moment — quite a magical rule that makes our communication is reasonable and effective.
For example, you need to teach a child to it, going outside, turn off the lights in the hallway (take a cell phone or say when you get back). We told him, and he forgets. We're talking to him again, he forgets again. No matter how much I swear, the effectiveness of our actions or no. What should I do? — To remember the unfamiliar word "bifurcation".
"Bifurcation point" — a concept from the technical dictionary and refers to a split: a brief moment when the system is unpredictable, may change the mode of operation whether in one or in the other direction, and then return to the past anymore. The situation will be or one or the other.
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In relation to psychology is the moment when the person can easily to do something or not to do; to make one or make more.
When a person is at this point, the slightest nudge in the right direction gives the desired effect. When that moment passed all, passed, passed point of no return: can only swear, but the desired result will not be.
So, going back to the child behind him turned off the light in the hallway. Question: when we raise a child this? We usually start talking about it when the child walked in from the street, that is, when he has nothing really to do about it. It means not in time, the bifurcation point is not here.
You need to act differently. Namely, it is important not to be lazy and to be there for your child in the moment when he is in the hallway and going out. At the time of his duties calmly ask when you get back, tell me about the cell phone and kissing, ask to off the light. All, you are leaving the hall, the child turns off the light and goes out. He did and will do with pleasure, and if you will continue to do the same, soon it will become a habit.
The main difficulty is to organize yourself. To remember what we want to achieve. However, there is one useful fact: in the face of how we forget our own intentions, we will be more understanding to the fact that the child forgets our requests too.
Similarly, the husband went to the market, brought onion — bad. Sluggish, wet, some. The standard reaction of the wife is to say to bow in that place do not buy, because the bow he brought bad.
The wife on the husband didn't swear, she said all calmly and honestly, but her husband for his work received negative reinforcement. And next time on the request of his wife, he is likely to have forgotten, again it will bring something, and the wife will begin to get angry. Or offended by his inattention.
More wisely and responsibly — to thank her husband for buying you and kiss you and to do business. But about bow to remember. And next time when he goes to the market to give him very clear instructions, to whom he to go or what to see when he will bow to choose.
Yes, she remember. Yes, the work "remember" is also work, and often this work we try to blame others. But if we want a result and a good relationship, we need to take on. It's probably just fair: it's something WE want from our families, so we need to remember that. The old rule: "you have to — you do!»
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Writes Anna, the wise wife: "If a husband should do around the house to something big, I first discussed with him the need for this case. And then reminded of this when I have free time, which he has not "capitalized". For example, we had to make a mount for the TV in the kitchen so that he can place in the room is not occupied, still don't watch it. Quiet, calm and keep yourself in the mind that it should be done. Once my husband organized a free weekend — trip with friends fell through, and then I showed up with a reminder: "And you still wanted the TV move". All done quickly, well with pleasure and without sawing...»
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Dear men, to salt or not to salt the porridge — this problem is solved in that moment, when the wife stands at the plate with a spoon and a saucepan. When the porridge she had already salted, it's late, is all. And for the hour up to this point — too early, she is already a hundred times will be forgotten... Remember, all of your wonderful wishes, should be made available close just at the right moment. When not yet passed the point of no return. Only when it is necessary.
Write a reminder and hang it in the place where you will be when this guide will be useful to remember.published