Children perceive the world, adults who are with them, care about yourself, words, actions is absolutely not as we are. Their view is sometimes diametrically opposed to ours. We're willing to throw at their feet, the world, your life, your free time, intelligence. And they need quite a bit: our love and... our quiet voice. In other words — we are not shouting...
We don't see ourselves when we raise voice for native creation of any age. We do not see their flashing fire crazy eyes, face twisted, gnarled fingers, anger pouring from us the flow, hear the terrible words and expressions, spewing our lovely Maskim mouth...
But us sees our child. And sees us exactly like that: angry, screaming, insecure, scary and bearing a fear. In these moments he gets a burst of fear for life, then long time to be "washed" to remove himself, with the help of psychologists and loved ones.
What do we see?
Curled up in a ball creating, dreaming only about one thing: would rather have it all over! Eyes filled with fear and tears...
Of course, we all see it. See but change nothing. Why?
First, because the child's fear of... pleasure. Unfortunately, it is so. Otherwise we didn't do it. At the time, in my childhood, we got our share of insults and fear. Then, growing up and being sorely under-loved, we have again and again been burned, afraid, falling, wrong, accumulating grievances and fears. Appeared the child was the object of draining negativity, feelings of power over the weak creature. Alas.
Of course, we're not doing this on purpose. Of course, we are outraged on hearing the statement about getting pleasure. But the law of the Universe (free interpretation): "the Recurring life situations bring pleasure, otherwise they would never happen again."
Secondly, change is hard. To change the situation, you need to look at ourselves, be terrified, to forgive yourself, accept yourself, love yourself. I think we can do it. Go?
To change yourself is not easy, but possible
• The first step.
You must see yourself at the point of the op. Yes, this is a hard-hitting creature with curled fingers, except for a shudder, nothing exciting. See? No need to add anything to this image, and so it is quite unpleasant. And now: stop!
• The second step.
Accept yourself for what it is. In any case, do not blame yourself. Don't look for excuses. Do not try to find fault in their environment. You are, because at the moment, choose to be so. We assume that until now you just didn't know how to behave differently.
• Third step.
Now, when you look at yourself, not sparing and not accusing. When consciously pushed the emotion and sober look at the situation, it's time to ask the question: why do I actually yell? Is the reason my op are precisely the actions of the world's most extravagant creatures? Someone whose thoughts, actions, fears are the true reason for ora? Thought? Said? Now my favorite question: WHY am I yelling? Or in other words: What I want from my current PR? The only way I can change the situation? I find this method most effective?
• The fourth step.
I hope you have long ceased to shout, apologized to a toddler or a teenager (age not important), answered questions and drew conclusions. Very important: do not let yourself oaths and promises, do not take higher engagement, don't try to be perfect mom. If all you do is bear, that means you didn't forgive yourself. Alas. Enough to see ourselves at the time of the op. Learn to stop yourself. Each time will get better. Op just lose all meaning.
• The views of the child
For a child of point in your high voice there originally. He just doesn't understand why you suddenly from the beloved, gentle, kind mom suddenly turned into miharu. The vast majority of cases, the child's vague sense of your transformation. He not (to a certain age) to see the world through the prism of your fears and complexes. "Now I play, and you begin to yell," the baby thinks, mentally turning to his mother. That is, you're yelling just for yourself. And that's another good reason with this case to tie.
And again. Ask your child about your shortcomings, what does he not like in you, why is here so that you can make. You will hear some very interesting things. Here, for example, the phrase my youngest son Yegor: "Mommy, don't apologize and say that you love me. You better not shout". After these words, my illusory confidence that you can yell, and then apologize, deteriorated sharply.
You say that you have not? I am not only happy, I am happy that your child grows in a relaxed atmosphere, filled with light and love that loud noises in your home can hear not only rare, but very rare that a child has the right to vote, and you listen to him when he's dissatisfied with something. But, alas, in the vast majority of cases it is not.
By the way, the results of lowering of the voice are just amazing. You will start to hear your child, listen to him, and he to you. Peace, peace and love dwell in your house, and you don't call that happiness?