5 ways to accidentally make everyone hate you

Psychologist David Wong believes that the reasons for this behavior have always. It is possible to cause the strongest man a mortal insult and not even notice it. 5. You are silent, therefore, you ignore.

Those of us who are not too easy communicating with other people, silence seems the best option. If you are an introvert, you most want to have other people simply shut up and you will be glad to offer them such favors. So, faced with a colleague at the Mall, you prefer to sneak past him and not waste his time in useless conversation. And, most likely, will hear the following about himself: "what a jerk!"

What's the problem?

This is the most common mistake in communication that I've encountered. You did not respond to a party invitation. You have not answered them a funny message with a bunch of emoticons. You wish them a happy birthday. Now they're upset and you're confused — well, who would have thought that silence is an insult?

Many people think so. And for them it is an insult — one of the worst, imaginable.

Imagine you sent a resume to a new job. Is it better to get a rejection letter or do not receive any response? Of course, failure is bad, but the lack of response speaks about neglect, and it is a thousand times worse. Similarly, some people perceive your reluctance to speak with them.

Remember the old saying, "Hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is the opposite".

So keep in mind...

It's all about power.

The people you refuse to communicate, I think that the way you show your superiority over them. And if you've found it strange that someone thinks normal everyday interaction the struggle for power — congratulations, today you've discovered something incredibly important about the world.

4. You have shown your superiority.Imagine the following situation: on the weekend you were in a country restaurant pretty girl, and when I took her home, your car suddenly stalled, had to call a tow truck and pay for repairs, but the girl all this time was with you, even left outside for the night, and I think you are all going great.

And here on Monday, the cooler you tell this beautiful story to a colleague. But for some reason the guy then begins to avoid you. And you sincerely wonder why.

What's the problem?

You have demonstrated your superiority, although not done on purpose. This is one of those things we all the time do by accident.

You told your story about the restaurant, the girl, broken car and expensive repair guy, who has two years no one met lives with her mom with a disability on the edge, spends almost all his money on medicines and doctors for it and every day get to work with two transfers on the bus.

Your story what he perceived as banal boasting and trying to show how you are happy and successful, unlike him.

So keep in mind...

It always works: one of the interlocutors will be more beautiful, more successful, smarter, more attractive, they'll both know about it, but none of them has the right to mention it.

For many of us insecure about his "rank" is an open wound, so for the success of communication to those who are "above" has to detract from its merits. Have you noticed that pretty Actresses often say that they badly work on all photos?

The trap is that we often do not realize that in this particular situation we have superiority over others. We just may not know that a person somewhere has a similar "open" wound.

But remember — the fact that you are someone hurt by accident, nothing changes. Your every interaction with the person, which lowers his self-esteem plays against you.

3. They think you owe them.Has it ever happened with you that after a breakup your ex-pathetically exclaimed: "How can you just leave? And after all that I've done for you!"

Or you refuse to provide a service man for a reason which seems quite respectful (for example, you can't help him with the move, because I work in the day), and then find that friend in you mortally offended.

What's the problem?

Chances are that these people are angry at you because you refused to pay a debt, whose existence you were not even aware. This strange pattern works in most relationships: at some point, both partners begin to think that the other side is something they have to.

It happens in many unhappy families. Wife thinks: "This guy was a lonely klutz before I found him, who knows where he would have been if I hadn't saved it! Probably would've died." Meanwhile, the husband thinks otherwise: "I'm the breadwinner, I gave her a good home, if I hadn't, she would contact some punk who would beat her. Perhaps to death!". Everyone considers him / herself to the Martyr who sacrifices everything for the ungrateful partner.

The same can happen with your work — everyone in your Department thinks that it is through his heroic work the company is still afloat, and the boss thinks he just feeding a crowd of idlers. The employees are shocked and insulted when the company heartlessly announces layoffs, and the management are shocked and offended when any of you goes without explanation.

So keep in mind...

Importantly, in each case, the other person desperately wants you to be indebted to him. Because of this, again, gives him power over you (who has more power — the Bank or the borrower?)

But he could not explain why he perceives you as a debtor — he just gets mad when you refuse to "pay". That's another obvious reason why someone is angry with you "without any reason".

2. You are wasting their time.You just sent the boss an e-mail with a simple question or two of his thoughts, but for some reason she was terribly mad. Here's an unstable bitch.

Then, in the evening, you decided to spontaneously crash home to an old friend and chat, but this reptile was not pleased and even tried to hurry you out. Well, so what?

Or, for example, you post on the wall in the social networks of your friend touching congratulation happy birthday, and he doesn't even bother to answer. Is this normal at all?

What's the problem?

In General, you've probably already guessed what this is all about. The boss was too busy, as he simply was slammed. Your friend was supposed to cook dinner and brought home some work — he had no time to listen to your stories about how you yesterday until midnight was watching "big Bang Theory" and drinking beer. And the last guy got about a hundred such touching congratulations, and he did not reach his hands to answer each one personally.

It is not that their anger they wanted to assert his superiority over you: "I'm so important and busy, and you're just the last slave in line at the reception to me." On the contrary, they feel helpless, as you become one of the people who are trying to steal their already limited time. That's why they're mad at you. Of course, you can argue that "Employment is not a reason to behave like an ass". Exactly the same millionaire might say to a homeless guy who lost the last pair of shoes that is no reason to be upset.

I tell you about myself. My last article raised 6 million views, and almost every one of these people left a comment or sent me a personal email, post to Facebook, Twitter, and even on the phone, I helped with their problems. I couldn't do it physically and had to disappoint a lot of people who were hoping for my help.

Now hands up all those who are really sorry for me. That's what I thought, hardly anyone. Now you are annoyed at me, because I think that I am bragging — just like in the fourth paragraph ("Oh, I'm so famous, just all-star star!"). That's the whole point: there's no good way to explain to another person that you have no time for him. It always implies the presence of things is more important than he is.

So keep in mind...

The person who is being so terse with you, or ignores your calls are in a hopeless situation. What you perceive as arrogance and a demonstration of superiority on his part, he sees as a personal weakness.

Remember, you only have one link in a chain of foreign human interactions. So keep in mind that you always have to pay for your "predecessor", even if you feel that you do not have to.

1. Do you think that all are satisfied.This is perhaps the case, which can sneak up to each of us. This problem can arise between roommates, friends, spouses and even entire Nations.

In the office, for example, there are some new meaningless requirements — for example, "From now on nobody can adjust the thermostat without asking the permission of the chief."

And your friend suddenly decides that Friday will no longer be a "pizza night", although a year and a half she loved everything.

You get the idea — everything went fine, the system worked as intended, and suddenly they put forward these ridiculous requirements. And then you say something like this:

"Why are they rocking the boat now when everything was going so well?"

"Why are they complaining, because we've always done it!"

"No, I have no problems, you shout!"

What's the problem?

Let's consider a simple example. Many young families there is a so-called conflict over the toilet seat. The reason for it is that the man completely ignores the needs of women. He doesn't want to make her life worse, he does not feel hatred for her or something like that. Seat where it is, in his opinion, should be all right. He just refuses to acknowledge it as a problem.

You find yourself caught up in the conflict, not even knowing that this is a conflict. You won't pay attention to it, until it is too late. The governments of entire countries have fallen in this way.

Again a little about yourself. As a Christian, I have long thought that Christianity is assumed by default. The whole world is divided into Christians and weirdos. I was shocked when in College found that some people are offended if you call their recovery after surgery a "miracle". "No, it is the result of three months of painful rehabilitation, hard work, very expensive doctors and the help of loving parents who worked three work to pay for everything", they replied. "Well, Yes, Yes, burn in hell, hippie atheists," — I chuckled to myself.

But this happens in all spheres of life. When there is a painful social issue, there is always a group of people like me — those who are surprised that another group of disgruntled "normal" state of Affairs. "We don't want to offend anyone, we just want to keep everything like it is" — a common excuse such people.

So keep in mind...

To be wrong side in this conflict is easier than you think. You like to sit at home this weekend and your girlfriend prefer active rest. After years of unsuccessful attempts to banish you from the sofa she gives up, and you think the relationship has finally started to emerge good. At this time, she ponders, how would you most painless to break. "But why, still was great!"

Yes, it was, but only for you. You didn't feel superior to them because it is a normal characteristic of power — the carrier feels it as the norm. Unlike other participants in social interaction.

Of all the traps in the list this is the worst, because you can force others to hate themselves without even knowing it. To avoid it, you need to be vigilant constantly. It's hard, but the number of people screaming at you will decrease considerably.



Source: /users/78


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