Yesterday threw out her mother's journals. In one of them read a funny story. Country deushka went to the city bolnichku paid. In the hospital, at the entrance, deyshku identified two golubenky package with rubber bands on the edge. She has long wondered what to do with them, and thought that this is such a special medical caps, to clean them by the hair, thus preventing all kinds of non-sterile. Of course, it embarrassed that the two hats, but resourceful deushka kept his head and suggested that the second cap should be given to the doctor. As you might imagine, the triumphant emergence of young ladies with shoe covers to head immediately entered the annals of history, and unhealthy pokryakivaniya doctors for a long time dreamed of her nightmares.
I can not say that in my life often had such idiocies here Art. But some incidents still were.
Let me tell you about one year istoriyku. It is, of course, is not as funny, but, damn it, retentive. So - I'm 14, I'm in the country, and I have a date, terrible to say, the 3rd in a lifetime. I remember very well that before this date, I was shaking like an aspen leaf in the wind.
Mainly because here such here "taken separately rendezvous" in our team is not practiced. Well, now we met in the evening, as usual, after a certain hour wandered crimped in the corners ... but that's it, in a brazen, "the day together," no, no. Firstly - unusual, and secondly - a shame, in the third - it involves a semi-official. In short, when I svom companions reported that today in the afternoon, I'm not going to bathe in the pond, as other lohushki, and not even meet with the men, they started to respect me immediately. Already two hours before the time "sic" the entire female part of me sat on the second floor, so help me in preparations for this significant event.
Everything is as it should be: mejk, picky wardrobe choices, and, of course, the farewell. I have to say: ladies tried fairly. I think even the best wife in the harem are not anoint as me: one look in the mirror was enough to understand that Sheikh ohueet and vyebet camel.
Generously powdered teenagers face, pink tights, sticking out from under a denim skirt, someone ridiculous jacket and touching pumps with gold buckles. Imagine all this splendor in the 30-degree heat, in a forest glade - ohuet fungus kicked, right?
- And you'll see what I mean. By the way, farewell, it gave me the public, too, was the most that neither is appropriate, namely; "I will climb, yell louder, we will come running." I tried to tell that to such a monster painted not climb even conscripts, but I was quickly silenced longitudinally, explain that I do not understand a damn no beauty, no dates and dragged into the bloody forest.
Here it is necessary to specify that it was not really a real forest - as well as a piece of an array of 300 by 300 at the edge of a small clearing, surrounded on all sides by the way. And sobsna they emptied me into the clearing, and themselves began to cut circles on the way to get close "if something happens."
I was standing. 5 minutes. 10. 15. The Indian goes in circles, waiting and predatory "when zhezh." I curse everything and assume family sweats - in jacket lousy, boat shake, face powder burns. But endure: beauty zhezh requires victims, but no casualties we did. Finally, 20 minutes later, one of the women ran up to me and said that on waiting indecent.
You say, Cach, go a little deeper into the woods, and wait there, and as soon as it comes - get out back, as if the current priperlas. Okay, - I say, and blow into the forest. In the forest, I get even nastier: there is not only hot, but also mosquitoes bite. Suddenly I saw - penechek sticking out of the ground. Let me - I think I'll sit this penechki - there is no truth in the legs, and so on. I sit down on a stump, I pick zemelku boat. Just 40 seconds later, the object appears in sight. I sit a little bit more, and then get out, looking as if I had just come from teyatra, and then decided to walk casually.
I go out, hello, yawning, bear some nonsense, and suddenly I feel - smell. All of these lacquers and spirits are poured on me, mixed with a subtle, but very sharp flavor gomno. But I'm from teyatra, I zhezh boat, so I guess though, that somewhere near a pile, but studiously pretend that no smell and no. Tellingly, youngster, too, it is a stone with a mug like spring around the gardens.
Mnemonic Mnemonic us, and then he offers me a pen, to a romantic stroll. We taxi on the road, and then face to face encounter with Babi. They bad faces, winks and all-knowing, but I'm not up to Rye. The smell is with us and with each step, is becoming stronger and stronger. Foul up the aura reaches its climax, but do what I can not do anything. The question "Do not you think that somewhere carries Gamna?" Edinosekundno kill all the romance, and I go on, sluggish response to questions youngster and carefully drive a nose as soon as it seems to me that he does not see me. And on some hummock, he stumbles, and I finally got the long-awaited chance to look around themselves, after which all my guesses are justified by the most foul manner. On pink tights, a little closer to the inner side of the thigh, there is a certain substance characteristic color and smell. From this terrible discovery of the blood rushes to my mug and I can barely hear what I there is broadcasting this cupcake. Suddenly I clearly understand that my life is over, and will not be in it any more happiness, nor joy, nor even love.
What could be worse than foul up assholes on the first date? Despite the fact that the young man continues to pose as a knight, his face is already noticeable that the smell of vengeance came to him, and tell that "you stink," he can not, for the same reasons that I do. And we're all going, and going, like two Zolotarev shit goes along with us, but to break this vicious circle there is no way. After a while, the girls once again caught us on the road. Once they pass, I stole a look at them, what would somehow hint at their position, but they do not notice my sour faces, show me the ok, happily shaking his head and pulled his fists with your thumbs - say, all the fucking, dear - keep it up.
I swallow, very clearly imagining what I would have to tell them in an hour, and as this will deform their faces. And then the fear, I was visited by the most mudatskoe decision of all. Sovrem a minute I told him that I need to pee. Going into the forest, and there too in a puddle somehow ototru turd.
At the same moment, I announce that I need to powder nose, and even before the young man manages to open his mouth, hiding in the bushes.
Alas. The miracle did not happen. Gamna - such bullshit that wash it in a pool does not seem possible. Razi only in his own blood. But I did not understand at once, but only after my pink tights turn into wet stinking rubbish. Coming into contact with water, feces enhance your Armat many times, and if before that smelled as if "under a bush shit", I now turned into a shitty fairy, the most fragrant of all the shitty fairies, unless they exist in the world. Through the clearance of trees, I see a great youngster who lights a second cigarette and peretaptyvaetsya from place to place like a horse. On the other hand you can see the girls, sliced 105th lap. I quickly pull off yourself tights, shrubs and skedaddle towards girls, so that they come up with anything. My rollicking appearance of the ditch with the elk in his hand, throws them into a stupor.
- I molested? - With horror, they ask me.
- Worse - I start whining and already trying to tell, what is the actual case, when the smell gets them in the nose.
- Katya…. He's ... He'll crap?
Planet accelerates its move. Clutching a pink lump in his fist, gardens I run to the house.
5 days later on the street did not go. I feel free. And then somehow forgotten. And this dude is not broke, which is typical. A year each other nerves port. But it is not important.
Just a couple of weeks, came to light a similar, because of which govnoistoriya that acquired almost comedic character. It turns out that this is the cake, pinned on a date in advance. Wandered, he wandered across the meadow, and landed in carefully superimposed someone bunch. This fact upset him, and so he became upset about carefully scrape standing near a tree stump.
Make sure it is not particularly helpful from the aromas goat youngster ran home to change boots. Well, yes, and because of this late. He would have never occurred to come, that over time, while I'm waiting for him, I ugorazdilo sit on the damned stump.
In short, my deffki when found out about it, immediately concluded that we are destined to live together until old age, even in the time we have the same turd vlyapyvaemsya.
That's how it is.
And now let's you tell your incident. Sorry for the tautology, but the weather today - Gamna, so we will not wait for favors from nature and have some fun themselves. Waiting.