Is it possible to raise children without resorting to punishment? Of course, you can, but the path is difficult, requires experience, strength, and endurance. One of unconditional love is to rely definitely not. According to the observations, good parents punish the child seriously only once or twice in my life, somewhere at the age of three or four years, when the child tries parents for strength. If this battle is won, then is good again good life and understanding, only occasionally alternated more of a symbolic punishment. Once parents use the warning "Again! Two! Three!", once the time-out without warning, sometimes at the time of the child is to deprive the mischief — but all these educational measures live somewhere on the periphery of the relationships of parents and children, and the heart is something else: alive and warm communication, discussion of common topics, to study, hang out, sport...
©Charles Burton Barber
The least we have to punish those who punish are not afraid, who can do it easily and efficiently, but — but who is friendly with children, loves children, children are brought up largely by his example and happily tells the kids that they need to do to make them proud and no one was punished.
If the children comes to school with a young teacher who kind voice appeals to kids and says she trusts them, wants to be friends with them and believes that children should not be punished with the highest probability it will end for her (and for children) bad. Children are happy to sit on her neck, she'll try to be patient, but in a few months her patience runs out, and she's on break. The more experienced the teacher begins simply with the establishment of the normal order and discipline, if someone wants to test it for strength — with a lesson thrown out, but when we start to respect her, the children she will smile, and soon everyone will realize that she's actually wonderfully warm and loving person...
To raise a child without resorting to punishment at all and never, impossible: neither a competent teacher will not go to difficult children, not being able once to punish someone. The opportunity to punish is a manifestation of power, and people respect strength. And lower people in terms of development, the more they respect in the first place force. The possibility of punishment for the teacher — such as a mandatory thing, as a weapon at the police. No weapons, no police. Another issue is that punishment must be adequate and effective. We will understand?
In ordinary consciousness of punishment — mandatory and effective measure to restore order and one of the ways of education. The reality is more complicated: as a method of influence, the punishment for a simplified and less effective negative reinforcement, and the usual punishment more angered than educate. The possibility of a small punishment: the punishment may stop bad behavior, but it brings up good feelings. The wise man, the less he is faced with the need for someone or to punish, the greater the opportunity to raise a child without resorting to punishment. Punishment is not the goal but a means. If the tool is worthless (behavior and thoughts do not change or vary is not there) – no need to use it go to waste or harm. If punishment becomes an end in itself (the relief of the soul of the parent, for example) is not punishment, and the discharge of aggression. The better the management the less punishment. The higher the qualification of parent as a Manager, the better he knows your child and cares about his mental balance, the better anticipates and prevents undesirable situation, the less need for punishment, the more parents and children make friends, play, talk together and deal with cases in which there is a transfer of parental experiences to children.
How or when can not be punished? When you are angry, to punish you want. But in some cases can not be punished, because, apart from bad, this won't do any good.
When and how to punish you? For our mistakes, punishing us for life, and that's fine. Punishment can't be too hard — life harder any penalties. The death of a child whose parents did not explain that you can't play with fire or do drugs harder any actions of parents who could and should have been able to stop it. Punishment can't be too hard — they can only be inadequate when you do not reach your goals or attain the opposite. Adequate punishment, serving as a lesson, perceived normally, and are simply necessary. But if you know how to punish fun doing it inoffensive and a good result is obvious to all, that in such punishments will want to participate many.
To punish their children of normal parents do not want. Kind of silly: I wanted kids, wanted to love, and then just do what curse and punish. The question is: the child does not freak out or something correct? Answer: even if the "child born" (this also happens), you should start with yourself. So, if the child is not an angel and deserves punishments regularly, that could be in the Arsenal of the parent, except punishment? Good answers to this question!