The secrets of Gestalt therapists — how to improve your communication with people

Gestalt therapy is the direction of classical psychology focuses on the "here and now". Gestalt therapist rarely finds the human details of his childhood or the events, but drew attention to emotions and the processes by the client in the moment. In the article, I gathered practical notes and recipes that can improve understanding of themselves and companion to anyone. Apply them better to start yourself.

What does the psychologist:

1. Does not give the client the pressures of advice ("you're doing it wrong, and it should be like this").

2. Does not put diagnoses ("you have suppressed superego, then you should do it").

3. Does not believe that he is always right.

4. Does not psychological counseling, if requested to do so.

What does the psychologist:

1. Closely monitors the client, paying attention to peculiarities of his behavior.

2. Monitors own feelings arising in his course of the conversation.

3. Does not impose, and examines their assumptions ("I have a theory what's happening to you is, am I right?").

4. Monitors the readiness of the client or the interlocutor to perceive their assumptions. Next, consider what draws the attention of the Gestalt therapist.

I suggest to you to pay attention to such symptoms in himself or the interlocutor. This approach helped me better ability to communicate with people to better understand themselves. So, list five of the defense mechanisms that can interfere with communication.

1. Diplexer is the main mechanism inherent in most people. True emotions or issues are hidden for many abstract discussions or expressed inappropriately to the situation.

Examples: "I was in conflict with the boss. He accused me of bad work. It's hard to say what to do here. After all, bad bosses, life is not fair, and if you look in the abstract..." the moment the person came to abstract reasoning, it is possible to stop him and ask, "what are you feeling right now about this situation?" "What's going on with you when you tell me about the conflict?" Communication can go to a new level. "I do feel kind of sad. All in all not goes. And it happens that I'm interested in everything, absolutely everything." Here the person is "smearing" a specific emotion for all its life processes. Well then ask: "What is the matter with you?" The man laughs, telling the sad story. You can say: "When you tell it, I'm sad. And you?"

In the process of discussing the man begins to speak in monotone, without emotion. Or you listened to with interest, and all of a sudden you suddenly become bored and sad. It is interesting to know in this moment that the narrator feels. If that close person, then you can tell him about their emotions: "at First I felt interested, and then suddenly I was bored. What do you feel?"

2. Retroflexion is that man doing with you that you would like to do with others. This is usually aggression or (less often) approval. It is easy to identify gestures and body movements: active scratching, wringing fingers, gnawing the nails, pulling himself by the ears or hair often say that the man pays on aggression, prepared to others. The same is said of facial movements: biting lips, nakupovanie eyebrows, etc.

Listening to (or watching them), please note in what points it begins to retroflexive. Search for the contradiction between gestures and meaning of words!

Examples: "I'm not mad at him," – says the man and begins to chew on the nail and pull your fingers. "I'm sorry, I'm not done," says the man, gently stroking himself on the arm. Here you can ask (if you know): "When you do that (I do bite my thumb, stroking himself), what do you feel?"

3. Projection is attributing to the external world of their emotions and reactions.

Examples:

It seems that all the passers-by look at him, all the police stealing all the men want her, all the relatives want to hurt him. It is necessary to pay attention and try to figure out what's going on with the man himself: if he had any envy for stealing (if he thinks that at all, in a sense, they are great), whether it is in the search, trying to imagine every man, as it relates to relatives, etc. it May sound corny, but it really works. The person considers someone as an enemy or a friend believes that another feels for him, strong feelings. In this case, it is worth checking whether this is so. For example, to ask another how it actually applies to him. Or to analyze the behavior of the one who aroused strong emotions, whether he has shown that he is credited.

Projections tend to be implemented in reality, as in the famous example of E. Bern with the Jack. If you know in advance that your neighbor is a boor, it is possible that you start contact with him is not very friendly. His natural reaction you take for rudeness.

4. Intreccia rear projection and includes the approval given us by other people (introject). Interacti are useful. For example, this includes all forms of politeness and propriety. Each of us explained that it is polite to say "thank you" and please take off your shoes in the guests coming to visit with flowers, etc. the Problem starts if the person is not fully aware of the need and meaningfulness of nested rules. Or these rules prevent him from contact with the world. Interacti in the classical form have the form "I should", "should I not".

For example, "I have to be a good father" or "I have to be honest", "I don't have to raise your voice". Ask the caller to change the phrase "I should" to "I want", "I shouldn't" to "I don't want to." Ask if it's right.

Example: "I have a lot of work" to replace "I want to work". Is this true about you or the other person? A particularly interesting statement about emotions: "I have to love anyone."

5. Fusion – the last defense mechanism. His point is that people identify themselves with a group of other people or a specific person. You should pay attention to the sentence beginning with "we". "We decided...", "we like...", "we love...".

Knowing another person or the merger itself, ask him to say the same thing about myself, paying attention to your emotions.

Example: "We chose the furniture and we really like the" replace with "I chose the furniture, and I really like it." Is this true? The merger is bad for family relationships. An alternative to merger is an agreement and a compromise, when the parties consciously make concessions to each other, discerning where someone desire. The fusion blurs the line between people – one inevitably suppresses, and the second bend. The realization of a merger and allows people to track their borders and communicate on a more equal basis. Most people use all the security mechanisms mixed, although some of them may be more or less characteristic of the man. To overcome them is with the sole purpose to understand what you want, if the emotion is hidden behind a protective mechanism. Because protection is always from something.

Also Gestalt therapists believe that the person is not boredom, especially coming abruptly in the middle of an interesting process. Most likely, this boredom masking fear or irritation. If this happens with you then feel that really happened with you at the time of the onset of boredom. published

Author: Elena Lyubetskaya

Source: shkolazhizni.ru