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Why are the French comes easily to parenting? After the book Pamela Druckerman "French children don't spit food" on the planet talking about French parenting. Not that the American journalist has discovered this phenomenon. She just showed it from the inside and made everyone surprised.
On the wave of reader interest, publishers have released the book "French kids eat everything, French children don't resist" and "French parents don't give up." They all sold millions of copies, and the French education has become a hallmark of the country, like the kitchen or wine. Our author, after reading these works, gathered the main principles of the French parents.
The French are cool with nacalai it from the moment they learn that will parents. The news of the appearance of an heir is not an ordinary event, and the French, like everyone, worried her in a special way, but she turns the life and makes the mother the next 9 months to think only about the stomach. Even doctors are not so strict, and the restrictions they impose, we can seem almost criminal. The author of the book "French children don't resist" Kathryn Crawford quotes his friend:
"My doctor asked me to only one glass of wine at dinner and only two cups of coffee per day. He doesn't like that I smoke but he offered me just to cut down Smoking to three cigarettes a day. I try not to smoke, but sometimes still can not stand".
I do not think that such an approach can take root in us, and doubt it is correct. But it shows that expectant mothers throughout pregnancy can relax and do not intend to sacrifice.
French parents don't forget each druge Russian families it is normal if a husband and wife are in crisis after advent children. It often ends in divorce. Everything from the fact that the mother is so exhausted and so much time to your child that communicating with your spouse strength remains. About sex and can not speak. Accumulated dissatisfaction, resentment and jealousy. These survivors can only advise to be patient and to wait. But the French do not agree with this state of Affairs.
"To sacrifice your sex life for the children? It is absolutely unhealthy and suggests that the family imbalance, writes Pamela Druckerman in his book.– The French understand that with the birth of a child changes everything, especially at first, when all attention is focused on the baby. But a little later the mother and father gradually restore the balance in the relationship."
After birth, the doctors prescribe mothers course for the training of intimate muscles and then definitely interested, are you satisfied with the husband. But what does this have to the children? The most direct! The calmer the parents, vzveshennoe they relate to the child and everything that happens around. Unnecessary anxiety no benefit.
French parents are the key to sumerbank in any case not a small deity, around which the family is dancing ritual dances. He can wait, if the parents are busy and need to understand that not everyone celebrates the moment. His opinion is fine, but the parents ' opinion is more important and not discussed. When Catherine Crawford, author of "French children don't resist", tried by this rule, she was quite astonished;
"Believe me, very pleased to say: "You're gonna sit in the car and strapped in, because I'm the boss and I say so!" Madness? But it works! At first I was afraid that the girls will be offended by such an obvious display of power and hard approach, but it turned out differently. They are so tired of the endless disputes, for any reason, (I taught them to think that their opinion on any subject is extremely important!), what I felt now relieved that someone took on the role of chief".
This approach is close to our culture, but often the efforts of parents to crash on the love of the grandmothers. They do not miss the moment to pamper and pity the grandchildren. In France, the guardian of obedience are all generations.
French parents know how to say "no"And that "no" means "no" and not "can you moan a little and maybe I'll let". No matter how torn his mother's heart, she will not allow children to manipulate and does not cancel the ban. Druckerman also focuses on this:
"It seems taken for granted that any healthy child can not whine and not fall to the floor in hysterics after hearing the word "no", not to annoy others and not to grab things off the shelves in the store. They tend to take irrational demands of the child as the whims and impulsive desires or whims. And calmly refused these demands."
Wallowing in hysterics on the floor of the Paris store and demanding to buy a toy the child is likely to be a foreigner. Not because kids in France are special, but because they learn early that failure is indisputable, and to bypass it it is impossible. The child also understands that he gets it when the time comes. Not on demand. We have uncommon situation when parents go on about Chad and buy whatever it will require. Just not capricious and does not cry.
French parents set rules not just rules but a whole system that the child must comply. They regulate all his life. If dinner is scheduled for seven hours, seven hours must be at the table with clean hands and with a napkin on his lap. If there is supposed a fork and knife, to master this baby will since childhood. If a party, not to distract adults, then the children will be concentrated in the children's area and will not be bored. This scene in the kindergarten describes billon, Karen:
"Should someone begin to run your fingers into the bowl as it gently, but firmly stopped. The resistance that occurs very rarely, met a calm but firm rebuff: the plate was just put aside".
You can imagine in a Russian family, that the child set aside a plate of food? We are ready to sing songs, to dance and to allow to stand on my head, if only the baby had swallowed lunch and was not hungry. The French are not so faint-hearted: don't want to eat by the rules, so you don't want to eat at all.
French parents do not overload children are not obsessed with mugs and additional classes and are allowed to spend their childhood in the knowledge of the world and search interests. All children 3 to 5 years attend kindergarten in addition to the skills of reading and writing, kids need to learn to "self-expression", "open world", to learn "to perceive, feel, imagine, create".
"In France, "to teach," writes Karen Le billon's book, "French kids eat everything. And your can" not only means to send their children to study in school or University, but also to inculcate good manners, habits and tastes. The goal is to raise a child éduqué bien – child who knows how to be polite, owns mannered and well behaved. In other words, the main goal of French parents to raise a child who knows and respects the unwritten rules of French society".
Agree, this program is different from that to which we are accustomed. It seems to us that if the child is to 10 years began to learn foreign languages and have not mastered any musical instrument, it clearly lags.
French parents give full freedom of action in the toughest of ramkah the homes of French you will hardly find the mountain of toys in the kitchen, littered with cubes sofas in the living room or a plush pony in the middle of the corridor. Children are taught: the kitchen is intended for food, bathroom, water treatments, and the toys is for the children. But there they are free to do with them anything. Them for months not to put in boxes and not to shove in boxes. Similar schemes operate in many aspects. For example, at home the child can walk in anything, but in school, he is required to wear a uniform. On vacation you can not sleep all night, but on school days going to bed at ten.
"The meaning of the restrictions is not to embarrass the child, writes Pamela Druckerman, and to create a predictable and understandable environment."
The word "educate" in France rather used when talking about punishment. For the relations "parent – child" more appropriate "to raise". As well as grown plant, the French behave towards children. Provide the necessary care, the conditions for the development and comfortable atmosphere, and everything else goes on as usual. Everyone knows that if you weed the flower cornice around twice as often, it will not bloom this early. And with children, how many vain efforts we do, they will still evolve, just as nature intended. They need only not interfere.