Not the living rad child

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I beg you, don't live for the children! Not only do they not need it, it is harmful to them. How many broken fates, broken hearts, resentments and misunderstandings! I see women who give up everything in life for their children. And then I see those kids who gave up everything for. The spectacle is sad. . .

Mom raised Vanya alone. She never got married, invested everything in her son, bought him an apartment, paid for university. He became a wonderful man, successful. Except he's already fifty. He has never been married and has no children. All my life I tried to repay my mother’s unpaid debt. It didn't work.

His father worked day and night for the children. He had big plans, especially for his daughter. She was capable. And he wanted her to be a doctor. Saved her up for university. And she refused. She wanted to live her life. Different. I wanted to be an artist. Then the father tried to reason with her and billed her. I counted everything there - how much it cost her schooling, mugs, clothes, food. He demanded that money be returned. Needless to say, Xyusha never saw her father again? It has been more than thirty years since that day. .

Mother for Ira refused personal life. After the divorce, she did not go on dates, she was afraid to injure her daughter. The daughter has grown up and cannot leave her mother. Can't go on dates. You can’t even think about leaving your mother and taking care of your life. Ira's forty. Never been married. No kids.

Igor and Zhenya's parents were very, very good. They did everything for the children, everything they could, and even what they couldn’t. The family always seemed friendly, family holidays, holidays. Only in all this parenthood did they lose their marriage. Nothing else connected them. They lived together for thirty years as mom and dad. And then when the kids left, they just got divorced. Zhenya still cannot recover from this greatest deception. She's thirty-seven, but she doesn't want to get married. I am afraid of repeating the same sad story. My mother died very quickly after the divorce.

Gosha is a late child. He was always shaken, cared for, cared for, even too much. To tell the truth, his mother just despaired of waiting for the prince and decided to have a baby for herself. And then she decided that through George all her dreams would come true. She tried to make him a child prodigy. He studied several languages, went to many circles, played the harp. My mother was proud of him and always asked the guests to play. The harp is very exotic! Gaucher is over forty. He's divorced. His children are raised by another man. And Gosha doesn't mind. He still doesn't know what he wants himself. He didn't become a child prodigy. It broke and broke. He's just drinking now. Before work, instead of work and after. Mom doesn't see it anymore.

Are there few such stories, and many of them cheerful and joyful? When a child becomes the meaning of life, it is too hard for him. It’s like being stuck in a room that will one day run out of air. At first you can live like this, but gradually you start to suffocate. To breathe in such love and care.

And not only that you have been living in the stuffy wilderness of life for twenty years – or how many – but most of the time you still have to. They bring you a bill, even though it seemed like you were just visiting. I would be happy to help the owners, on my own initiative. But when they bring you the bill for these twenty years, when every breath burned everything inside...

Then there are options. A child can pay these bills forever. Like Ira or Vanya - from the stories at the beginning of the article. Or organize a protest – start drinking, break all ties – like Gosha and Xyusha. Rarely is anyone able to understand and accept this attitude of parents. Accept and understand without sacrificing your own life, your own interests.

So I beg you, don't live for the children! Find a different meaning in life, find a different meaning in motherhood and fatherhood. So that the little boys and girls who come to this planet do not become hostages and victims of your “charity” and guardianship.

Let them grow as God wills. How much they give and what they give is enough. Someone has millions, and someone lives “from paycheck to paycheck”, who... This should not affect the child and his upbringing - what is, that is.

Love your husband. The kids will grow up and he will stay with you. You can give children an example of relationships, so they want a family, children. Or you can discourage all desires if you are obsessed with childhood problems, ignoring the needs of your husband.

Love yourself. Do not forget about yourself in the race for happiness. Don’t give up your dress for a new robot. Do not change your cosmetologist for a tutor. If you don’t take care of yourself, what can you give to others? What example? What love? How?

Look for the meaning of life beyond the material layer. This life will end someday, even if you don’t want to think about it now. Spiritual practice, religion, prayer, reading the Holy Scriptures. You can draw strength there instead of pulling it all out of the kids.

Don't live for the children, I beg you. When I meet people to whom my parents gave everything and even more, it hurts to look them in the eye. I know a lot about myself and my pain. I see these torments, broken hearts, devastated souls. There are screams in their eyes for help. Pain, despair, guilt... Like all children, they want to love their parents. But then they just won't survive...

Give your children the opportunity to breathe and live. Then they can grow and develop. Where they're supposed to be. Our role as parents is simple – to water in time, not to close from the sun, to protect from pests. And then the child, like a flower, will cope and show all the best that is already laid in it from above.

Author: Olga Valyaeva

Source: www.valyaeva.ru/ne-zhivite-radi-detej/