5 educational techniques with the opposite effect

1. To the child has calmed down, you need to distract him

Goal: to help the child cope with negative feelings.

The result: uvlecheniem we contribute to the fact that the negative feelings stay inside baby and find out. Even though outwardly he calms down, most likely, they will make themselves known at the first opportunity, and we will wonder why it's because of some stupid child threw a tantrum hour. Emotion is energy, it is necessary to use. Somehow we naively believe they can just disappear. Perhaps there is no more in the world of things we would expect such miracles. We understand that hunger is not going anywhere from what we got work to do (Yes, talking about it can be forgotten, but the body will make every effort to inform us that it is time to eat). We do not think that the mess in the apartment dissolve, if we are out of it for some time will leave. Finally, we do not cherish the illusion that the urge to the toilet will themselves (permanently and without a trace!), if distracted by something else, only because they emerged at the wrong time. We are just looking for a way to answer these signals the most civilized way:) Emotions require us to do the same. They do not arise from bad heredity and not from the natural inclination of children to be manipulators and wreckers – they tell us when something went wrong. And even if it is impossible to fix something, they need to Express, to live, so they do not accumulate and does not create the effect of unexploded bombs.

2. If a child bites – you need to bite back.

Purpose: to show the child what the bite is painful, to develop empathy.

The result: we demonstrate so a lot of ideas to the child, but not the fact that you can not bite because it hurts. For example, we show that biting is still possible, once themselves is allowable. We also demonstrate that the strongest wins. That we did not mind and we are ready to inflict pain. What should retaliate. We can expect all. Why do we expect that mirroring a child's actions will lead to the emergence of sympathy? Because I hope that the child will make math move: bite me and hurt me – so when I bite, bite is also painful. I don't like when I hurt, therefore, the other person won't like it. I love my parents – therefore, I don't want them to get hurt because pain is bad. In my head it all sounds much shorter, and if you try recevice – it turns out that the course is not one. And yet, hoping to start in the mind of the child this algorithm, we do not remember that

a) he has no verbal-logical thinking for such an attacking move;

b) bringing feelings of him, for example, is terrible. Or hurt. Or all together. And the credibility of the teacher is undermined. There can be no logic.

Thus, if the purpose of such technique is to make sure that the child does not bite, maybe this option will work. If the goal is to teach compassion, empathy, you should look for another option.

3. The child has not grown greedy, it is necessary to insist that he shared.

The goal is to teach children to be generous.

The result: the most that neither is the opposite. As a rule, we want to share in two cases:

1) we believe that what we share so much that we don't have to infringe upon themselves;

2) we really want to do something nice, and we are even ready to sacrifice something we ourselves want.

There is another option to share with some calculation: for example, to the location. Or because we are afraid that we would think badly. That's just the latest version of "generosity" – a frequent consequence of such exercise. And the first two require a certain degree of maturity, readiness to mixed feelings (I want it myself, but I want to do something nice) and maturation of space-time views (I know I can get it again). Up to a certain age should not be expected from a child (certainly not necessary to require that from kids in the sandbox – that's where the main focus of the "pedagogy of generosity"). How to help your child to be generous? Everything is banal – a personal example (sincere generosity, not forced, ostentatious). And before you become generous we must feel what is property. That is, if a child asking for a toy, you have to recognize his right to refuse.

4. The child was not a crybaby, you have to show him the insignificance of his problems.

Goal: to help the child to cope with emotions.

The result is approximately the same as with uvlecheniem. The only way to deal with emotions is to release them outside. Another thing that you can do it in different ways: crying, screaming, biting himself, kicking the cat, to speak of feelings, draw them, write a letter. But in order to master different ways, it takes time and experience. And it would be good if it was accompanied by the adoption and support of the adult. Why adults don't cry over every scratch? Not because they said it was nonsense, but because they know it's nonsense, and that is the result, again advanced integration and temporal representations. They know that the pain of scratching will soon pass, that she will heal quickly. This knowledge brought them repeated this situation in combination with the gradual development of the brain. But those who, following the example of the persistent adults, was to forbid myself to feel emotions "over nothing", often assumed an impossible job, tolerate disrespect or delay the solution of health problems, because they find it difficult to understand what is tears and what not.

5. To be polite, it is necessary from an early age to enforce the rules of decorum.

Objective: to teach children to be attentive and caring.

The result: maybe not the opposite, but not enough to correlate with thoughtfulness and care. It all depends on how much emotion and effort we put into the work on politeness. If the child is from our requirements we feel that we are not ready to accept his "surly" (and that will come if this idea does not only depend on the fact, whether we implied that, but the sensitivity of the child), it is unlikely for him it will be a pleasant procedure and caring. It will be a burdening duty. If you just from time to time to offer advice, not insisting, – it probably won't lead to the opposite result, but it is better to understand that you are doing this for the welfare of others, and not for the development of children's morality. The concern and care revealed in the child in a warm, accepting and friendly environment, a him a sense of security of the world.published

Author: Hope Monastery

 

Source: alpha-parenting.ru/2014/12/10/5-vospitatelnyih-priyomov-s-obratnyim-effektom/