About the gifts and love

© Robert Doisneau

I study at the Institute Neufeld, and recently at one of master-classes with Gordon Newfeld we talked about the boy who steals at school. He steals indiscriminately and logic, and it happens, presumably, because the need for contact and closeness is not being met adequately. In their attachment to mother the boy is on the level of facilities, but did not get adequate satisfaction of their need for love, makes up for it, appropriating other people's things.

Neufeld suggested that if the mother will be able to give the child love more request available for boy level, the need to steal he lost. To cover the lack of proximity to a child which is bound via a "membership" for example, you just literally giving it to school with you some things that remind mother that he was to stay away from her. You can give him things that seem expensive and valuable. Such manifestations of love are most likely available to this child and nourish it. Neufeld said that it is a rather primitive, in the sense that a transparent mechanism in children bound on the level set. Give me expensive and valuable, keep giving me – so love me.

And then it hit me. I learned in the boy of our senior Levu, who is now 5 years old. To steal it is not necessary, because they give him so. The similarity is that Loew as often times expresses his love through "membership". He's insanely important to give me all sorts of your jewelry, and not a day goes by that he didn't get in my box with gold-diamonds and said something like, "I know not, most likely not, but what if? And suddenly you can? Mamichka, you don't give me this brooch?" As a rule, our magpie drawn to anything shiny and krupenko, and it is not expensive usually, and I give him a "jewel" with pleasure, than bring him into ecstasy. Conversely, every day I receive a gift of some precious stone. It is important that the stones it is VERY EXPENSIVE, then there is most precious, he finds them outside, brings home pockets full. Then he often wants to watch with me, donated them to the stones, it is very important to see that I appreciate his gifts and keep them. Soon it will be possible to pave the balcony, so much stuff I have accumulated!

In fact, Lev in the Arsenal there are already a variety of ways to perceive and Express love: he feels loved when we hear him and considered his opinion, and, conversely, it is important to hear our opinion about their achievements and deeds are manifestations of the significance level. Leva draws me ships, rockets and race cars, full hearts, and sometimes directly talking about their feelings – is a manifestation of love level. And now, the last time there were all these precious gifts, which I interpreted at first as a manifestation of the level of love, because, like, membership is in three years, this stage has already passed.

But no, affection can "walk" through the levels. A child who is already capable of more deep feeling, suddenly returns to the more superficial levels, more reliable, tangible manifestations. The affiliation is now the way to feel and show love: it is important to give darling something in hand the mom-to-mom remembered that this thing from him. And, conversely, to hold something from my mother, some proof of her love and fidelity.

And so, to me, it finally sunk in, and left, it should be noted, already three weeks begging for my jewelry, and I'm all about gender disparities had to think, and about the obvious, about the most important could not have guessed what he wants me to say? And the children, as always, all one, all about the same: about the contact and proximity. This is their the main agenda.

Here, the giraffe finally reached, what he should do. Yesterday put him to bed and telling him that I really want to make him a very special gift. Knowing his passion for stones, say they want to give him a precious stone that will fit just in his palm, that is an unusually large and valuable stone. Loew shone all the rays, but still wanted to make sure and says: “why do you want me to give?” I say that you're my precious and beloved person and you are looking for that special stone, I want you to always remind you of my love for you. Then Lev just changed, I such joy, such fullness, such a jet of happiness long ago in man is not seen. This morning he was doing, despite the departure of his father, still very full from time to time looks at me slyly and questioningly, and I nod, they say, will all be.

I'm glad I realized what he was waiting for me. That is, in the context of our relationship, and so overall good, is a bit like nonsense, only the episode, but, anyway, from the episodes the relationships formed. And in relationships is very important sensitivity, and the ability to see things from a child's perspective. And if you look at things from a child's perspective, you realize that it's all about the contact and proximity or their lack. In dubio pro amore shorter. published

Author: Anna Gasinska

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: alpha-parenting.ru