Is it harmless nicknames and abbreviations, really?
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Many, probably, had to hear how parents (mainly mothers and grandmothers) affectionately refer to their children: "honey", "sweetie", "baby bird", "kitty", etc. Such a touching epithets, and also included in the customary manner of use in relation to the children of the so-called "affectionate-diminutive" and "reduced" forms of names ("Dima", "Serge", "Mashulya," etc.), usually are considered to be almost obligatory manifestations of maternal love and does not cause others nothing but affection and admiration. On the contrary, parents calling children names such as "Alexander" or "Alexander", at times accused of excessive strictness and even coldness.
But is it harmless and cute different kinds of nicknames and abbreviations, really? Where they come from and what impact have on their carriers?
From the point of view of culture, these "bunnies" and "seals", used in relation to the child, it seems quite possible. In traditional societies was common baby nicknames (and this is a nickname, not a name), and abruptly. To adulthood and the rite of receiving a human name, a child could call "Hare" and "Bear" and "Bump." Therefore, we can assume that we are dealing here with echoes of traditions "baby names". And then in the use of any animal epithets nothing. But it's not so simple. In the old days, first was given the temporary nickname, which is then harmonically varied on an adult name. Today things are the other way around. First, the child is given the permanent name, and then "reward" nickname. And from this point of view, even the affectionate nickname of the child, is not so harmless, because there is no guarantee that the semantic codes that, in fact, the second name will not come into conflict with a real name and begins to reshape his destiny.
It's a simple philosophy also applies to the reduced "variants" of names. After all, the Name is etched in script letters. Rather, a set of scenarios. At each name he for the simple reason that different names have different letters. So, actually, no names derived from others, as there is no names "shorter". "Anastasia" and "Anastasia," "Alexander" and "Alexander", "Mary" and "Mary" and even "Tatiana" and "Tatiana" — all different names (!), with different meanings, semantic fields and forming from their vehicles have different characters, ways of thinking, sets of behavioral scenarios and algorithms, ways of interacting with the world and building relationships with others.
The only exception here, perhaps, are diminutive names. Their use, from the standpoint of science about the Name, with some reservations, it is permissible. They are after all, "diminutive", that is, by using them we reduce. As the child is in fact little creature, then it is justified. Another thing, when the "Dima" name is already a teenager and then an adult. This is already something as unnatural as in the case of the "brutal" moniker. Moreover, unnatural so that you will not will arises the question why do child or any other person someone calls by his real name?
To answer this question, we can only understand that calling someone's name, we are not just referring to his media. We begin to build with him a certain space relations. And we do it with a specific purpose, for the space of relations is more space desires the space to implement some of our needs. And if we have someone referred to as, referred to him as someone who will be in this space to solve their problems and realize their desires. We call called to become a participant in this process and say that we comfortable that he was what makes it a particular name. For example, "Cat", "Dima" or "Shura". That is, by and large, it is necessary to understand that the one who calls us, in a sense, expresses his views and desires concerning us. But then, we either agree with the proposed role or not. If we are called and we agreed with this, it means that we have accepted the rules of the game, admitted his dependence, subordination (after all, who we named the "created") and have demonstrated a willingness to forget oneself and to satisfy someone else's desire. If we are called by that name, which we had, so we accept and recognize as a person, as an individual, respect our health, sense of self etc. In this case, the space of our relationship is the space where everyone in equal measure and will implement your desires and help implement the desires of the other.
As an illustration of how this happens, here is a very revealing case study. A man named "Eugene" is the head of the company, all other employees of which – women. The team lives as "one big family", so all of the employee name of the chief just — "Jack". However, together, often discussing the Manager and complain that the Director behaves like a "rag". And they need a real man, a strong leader, with whom things really "get going".
What happens behind all the usual office life? We talked about what makes someone who calls us a name – it is in some sense, defines us. This is what did the employee with his boss. They identified him as Eugene, that is turned into a woman (in the sense of "Jack" is a wife, i.e. a woman). So he just couldn't display their masculine qualities and qualities of leadership of men. That is, in the language of psychoanalysis, subordinates unconsciously "castrated" Director, and then when he turned into a woman, it was devalued as a leader. What does this mean? Of unconscious hatred of these women to men in General. They compete with man and doing everything to be above him, to win and to be eligible for depreciation. Eugene for them to become Zhenya – wife – woman, and when he started to Express themselves appropriately (weakness, passivity), they said – "what a head, what is man, that rag!". Thus, naming can be a way of dealing. And, as with those whom we call, and another person, whose image we project on called. Therefore, the employee not simply as something addressed to the chief. They projected on him the image of those men wanted to get even (not coincidentally, most of these women are either divorced or unhappy in the marriage) and using a derogatory name to satisfy their desire.
As in the above example, some motivation he who is for us the calls, is always there. In any case, using a specific name, it has something to do with us. And we this is something you either agree or not. It all depends on choice. Once we do, the space relationship begins to unfold a certain game.
For example, if a person is "Sasha", he seems to say: "I Have great need of love. Love me, because I love is not capable. I have no strength. I do not know how to love, because I nedolyubili in childhood. The only thing I'm able to consume your love." But calling someone a "Sasha", we agree to it we have consumed. Be his "donor love."
The one who calls himself "Alex" said that he is an orphan who lacks a father's love. He invites us: "Be my father, adopt me on time and give what was not given by the father." So if we have someone called "Sanya" automatically "adopted" this man, becoming a father and taking responsibility for it themselves. But this is possible only if he agreed to this name. If the same person says that his name is Alexander, not Alex, we have to understand that this game will not work with him.
Thus, each space of relations has its own law, which is determined by our names. Agree, will be a big difference between the spaces of relations "Basil – Alexander, Bob — Sasha" or "Cat — Honey". In the first case we are dealing with the relationship of two men, the second of two immature, childish creatures who only will be busy that to make up for your lack of due to each other. The third example generally have considered to be either a veterinarian or a specialist in animal psychology. However, this occurs quite often among people.
So on one of the consultations, the woman talked about the difficulties with the beloved man. She physically felt bad that he constantly called her "kitty" and other "soft" adjectives. She felt that these labels begin to change her behavior and get her in the relationship not behave as she would like. She saw, calling it the name of the animal, the man waiting for her relevant – animals – manifestations. But that's what she sickened. As soon as she said that she is a woman and a man, not a cat and will not tolerate such treatment, the man was forced to agree, and it became easier.
It is very important to track how we are to call ourselves and how we are called others, and how we are called others. The point here is not in ethics and not the rules of propriety. The reason for the need to respect the kind of personal hygiene is that any distortion of the name of someone else, leads to certain problems.
Particularly sensitive should monitor the surrounding and we are called children. Because of this, will largely depend on how they are going to call themselves. But calling ourselves, we are creating ourselves. Not coincidentally, in the myths (such as Osiris) often the Creator creates himself, calling himself by name, and only then begins to create other gods and the world.
"Name and life" — says the proverb. Therefore, as we call ourselves, and live. Unfortunately, modern man often calls himself not his name, but a name imposed on them by parents, friends, etc. By and large, since childhood we've been doing that diligently abandon Narok, resigned to the nominal code, which someone gave. Thus, we recognize this "someone" the right to control their own destiny and to use us as a tool to satisfy his desires.
The situation is exacerbated by the fact that a lot of moms and dads as well as teachers and educators use the full names of children only in those moments when simply chastise or scold them for something. That is, will not will, the child establishes a clear associative link his own name with a specific unpleasant emotional experience. Therefore, in the future, quite naturally, he will unconsciously avoid his full name.
For example, if a boy "Vsevolod", parents and relatives constantly called "Seva", then eventually, he will begin to introduce ourselves as "Seva". And this is nothing like rejection of his own name, and, therefore, his destiny and himself. That is, the unconscious child understands that if he will remain Vsevolod, he will be bad. The world (and the world for him – is, first of all, parents) it as Vsevolod does not accept, therefore, with this name he does not survive. The world he is interested only in Sowing and the child becomes Seva. But named it differently. And his real name is collapsed lyrics of fate, which says about why he came to this earth, what are his tasks and lessons. These tasks he must perform, in order that his life has taken place. And what happens in reality?
"Seva" is only a small part of "Vsevolod". That is, figuratively speaking, the man took the book of his fate and snatched from her the bigger half. However, he didn't just Rob themselves of part of their lives. He radically changed its meaning. After all, if the name "Vsevolod" carries the meaning of "seize the knowledge of the world", one of the semantic levels of the reading of the name "Showa" — "servant." This means that instead of having to acquire knowledge and grow yourself, multiplying the strength of his family and people, our boy will be a lifetime to wait. I think you already guessed who. Right, the one who gave the name.
No less dramatic turn, any such renaming, when George turns into munchies, Tatiana Tania, etc. And it is quite bad, when a child is transformed into a kitten.
So, dear parents, remember that when you call children "Cat", "Bunny", "Eugene", "Tanya", etc., you, not show affection and love. At this point you are doing their recoding, the seizure of their world. You impose on your child the law, in order to fully subjugate it. And this subordination is achieved through one very unpleasant phenomenon. The fact that the substitution of one name with another affects and distorts the deeper, more fundamental layer of the inner world of the child – the so-called dynamic image of the body.
This concept is used in depth psychology is very important for a clearer understanding of how close the connection name and the person and how much influence the name on the carrier. Therefore, especially without going into scientific terms, let's see what this dynamic body image and what task it performs.
With a certain degree of simplification, the dynamic body image is how we perceive. This is our look at ourselves. He's called dynamic because the unconscious is made up of three images: a basic, functional erogenous body image. The base image allows us to identify the body, defines the functional ability of the body to act, and erogenous to get pleasure from the actions. In other words, we present ourselves in this world, as something valid and something we enjoy. For example, we identify the body as male, so act like a man – come to the world in an active creative interaction and get pleasure from the process of active creation.
All together it is a dynamic body image, which is formed in childhood. And the most interesting is that generates this image is nothing like the name. In it, in collapsed form contains information about what we are. And, therefore, any distortion of the name leads not only to the dynamic deformation to an image, but our image as a whole.
Judge for yourself, if from childhood we get used to certain conventions, otherwise then just don't perceive. This name forms the model appropriate behavior, and, most importantly, the underlying image of the body, which then does not change. That is, if boys are always called Jack, his unconscious will to see my body as female. Therefore, to function it must be of the female type and satisfaction to a woman. But physiologically this boy belongs to the male gender in the birth certificate it says "Eugene". Such are the inconsistencies and lead to the fact that a person loses his identity and has serious psychological problems. Practice, and not only ours, confirms this.
So according to the observations of the French psychoanalyst Dolto F.: "underdeveloped sexual identity is the children bearing the names that can be used as male and female, or nicknames derived from animals; they give rise to the delicate narcissism, and he, in turn, contributes to the fragility of the emerging unconscious of a healthy body image". In this regard, it is understandable why most Yevgeniy, people call Ren, coming to consultation, recognized that psychologically do not perceive themselves men and do not understand who they are on the floor. The same applies to the Sash. And here "lose" themselves in particular, and women, especially if they are named after men. Thus, in one known case, the father called the daughter Alexandra in honor of his brother. He once introduced a certain distortion, which is then increased because all turned to the girl as Sasha. But so can call not only the girl and the boy. It is not surprising, therefore, that, growing up, Sasha was faced with the problem of sexual identification.
Therefore, we must seriously consider the choice of name, if you want to name the baby a short name, it is better that to choose. Especially now that you can choose any name restrictions in General, no. Use common sense when choosing your name, it should be not only beautiful, but also bear a good sense, because the person is given the name will constantly hear! published