Known TV presenter, writer, playwright Andrey Maksimov wrote the book "How not to become the enemy of your child?". And now working on another – "Parents as enemies." He is convinced that if generational problems – always blame the parents. We talked with Andrew Maximov about parenting and the modern education system.
CSE – dead end
— Andrew Markovic, you say that the modern school in Russia, school is not. Why?
Because it does not solve two most important tasks teaches children to learn, that is, not instilling them with a love of knowledge and helps to find themselves, to find their vocation.
— Is there a way out? School all the time trying to reform it, but it turns out that the situation is not improving?
– In order to reform the school, should come a Minister of education, and that reform would have to worry more than his own career. But this is impossible since any reform implies that the first will be bad and the result will not appear immediately. But no Minister that risk will not go. Of course, the leadership of the Ministry of education there are good people who are trying to do something. I wish them good luck! But today, the education of children must engage parents. The school's hope is meaningless. Today child there you have to walk to communicate with peers. But you need to understand that school knowledge provides very little.
— Now is a terrible time for high school students – the exam. How do you feel about this examination?
– Preparation for the exam is cramming. It has no relationship to knowledge. This is a dead end story. Worldwide exams are different. My daughter went to new York University, Department of film studies. Among the other exams she had to pass math. She didn't give up. But the University took it, saying, "Yeah, you don't pass math, but you have such brilliant knowledge on the other subjects that we turned a blind eye." At us such can be? No!
The procedure of exam and form, and essentially suggests that we are doing a social experiment on children. Everything done to them was bad and to put it mildly, uncomfortable. Pass the exam in other schools, they accept people's teacher before the exam children were searched by guards in the toilet can only go accompanied by... History of the introduction of the exam in Russian – is the story of the struggle of the state with the children. And for some reason, few people think how they are getting lessons antirestenotic. But, in fact, the exam – this is their first serious encounter with government. And the child understands that the state doesn't want to take his side, wants to make him happy and comfortable.
Your son this year finishes school. What did you tell him about the educational process? What advice was given?
– I said to him, your job is to finish school.
— And the mark?
– In Israel, the student, put in six months of four to five assessments. For half a year! And we have four or five every day. Mark – way to humiliate a man. So the scores do not survive into adulthood. I don't want my child humiliated. I understand that the son knows the exact science. And I don't know...
— But in high school there is a division – someone with more in depth studying physics and mathematics, someone literature and history. It you welcome?
Is not I welcome. It is the Lord God invented. If God created people, do not break them over his knee. All children are different, and when they are taught the same, it's awful.The main mistakes parents
— What is the main mistake that parents trying to raise children?
– The fact that parents often do not see the human child with their problems, character, understanding of life. It is particularly difficult to understand mother. After a child, part of her flesh and blood. And sometimes it is very difficult to treat him as an independent person.
Another major mistake is to underestimate their child. The parent cannot assume that the child may know something better than him. Especially when it comes to the future. The big problem is that neither school nor parents teach children to make choices. The mother decides what the porridge is for Breakfast, what the child will go for a walk... Good moms ask the child: "are You going to do lessons and then go for a walk or walk to school?" The child needs to go not with answers but with questions. This conclusion I did, studying the legacy of the great educator Pestalozzi, the result of which wrote a book, "Pestalozzi XXI. Book for smart parents."
Another mistake of parents not to accept the child the way it was designed. If, for example, it is not organized, it is impossible to organize. Perhaps something to do with it, but the child would be broken. But you have to understand that what is born of God can not break.
— You once said, "the Child is the exam that parents hand over to God." But there are cases when parents who pay little attention to children, they are a great people.
– First, it is difficult to judge how much attention one or the other parent. And secondly, what is "beautiful people"? I know the situation, when parents ridicule the girl. She grew beautiful intelligent man, but deeply unhappy. But it knows only herself and her friend.
I think Eric Berne said, "the Main task of parents is to raise a winner." It is very important that the child grows up with the feeling that he is a winner.
— What, in your opinion, the basic principle in the education of children?
– The main principle: the child is a person. Always!
— And does anyone really believe otherwise?
– Oddly enough, Yes! And the vast majority of people, even if you take that phrase, I do not know what is behind it. That's your husband sitting watching TV and drinking beer, and you tell him "Stop! It's a bad form of entertainment! Go get some fresh air!" Yes he will send you in a second! However, if the child is sitting in front of the computer, you can get him to go for a walk. There is the most important principle of human communication – treat others as you want them to treat you. Imagine that you make a tasty, and useful, early to bed, say: "And your opinion does not interest anyone!" or "You're too old for this!"
When I ask parents: "How would you like to see your child?", the answer is always, "Happy!" Great! But when you scold him for deuce, do you remember that? And when you do not allow him to watch football just because it's late? And when you choose son a girl? The book that I'm writing, called "Parents as enemies." When the parents love the child and behave as enemies – it's a scary story.Life experience of the child
— One of the questions that plagues me personally: where is the fine line between freedom and permissiveness?
– Who should be "allowed"? Based on what the parent must have the opportunity? If we proceed from the fact that the child should be treated as a person, that all decisions he has to make himself. Children have to go not with answers but with questions. If a child wants first to walk and then do homework, that's his business. Just need to ask him: "do You see where it leads? Are you sure that it would be better? And you don't want for the sake of experiment to try the opposite?" In any case, the decision should be taken by himself. However, this does not work when it comes to health. A small child cannot understand why he went without a hat and caught a cold. In such situations, probably, it is necessary to show more perseverance. But in principle I don't understand on what basis I should ban or not allow?
— May, on the basis of experience?
The idea that children have less experience than an adult, is a very serious misconception. They have their own experience, and in many things his children much more than adults. For example, the experience of communion with nature. Children better understand how to communicate with the butterfly. What adults have more experience – so it is in mastering miserable life. Experience – this is not the amount spent, and the number of witness. There are elderly people who are not made of the mind before the age of gray hair. And there are very smart kids who know how to analyze his life. Experience – a rather complicated story, because it is not possible to achieve success.
– Success is when you forget about your previous exploits. You act instinctively, not knowing what the outcome will be. All discoveries in science are made by people who are not afraid to reject the experience of others. Lobachevsky said that two parallel lines can intersect. And it entered the history of science. A few years before him exactly the same discovery was made by a Polish mathematician. But it was so contrary to the experience of mankind, that he was afraid to publish this. So Lobachevsky was the first, and the opening of a Polish mathematician discovered many years later after he died. The music that Mozart, contrary to the experience of mankind. So no one ever before him did not compose. The same with children. Parental experience may suggest, and to knock the child out of the way. It's a great question – why do parents feel entitled to bring up children? To help – of course, to support, without question, protect is a must! To advise, but not to lead! published
Interviewed By Tatiana Bolotovskii
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©