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Manual for parents: How to stay calm during the exam
An ordinary morning of a spring day. Bright sun, gentle yet green grass and trees. Ordinary day. However, the school door there is a revival. The school exams have begun. Parents accompany children on this important test.
Someone thoughtfully corrects the bow my daughter, someone asked whether all remembers his child, who advises them not to worry.
Here the Pope spent his child and nervously climbed the pocket. Took a cigarette, lit it, then guiltily looked around and walked quickly to the gate. There were already a bunch of the same pop.
And about benches gathered mothers with their memories.
I remember I just had a stomach ache and felt sick before an exam, — says one. — As my taking it?
The second joins:
— I once was so afraid of the exam that I had a fever and I had to go to the doctor, Then passed, with latecomers.
— Yes, and I was so, me an ambulance was summoned.
— I failed the exam and then was afraid to go home. It was a shame to his parents. Until late at night walked around the city. They even wanted to kill myself...
Moms continue to remember and suffer for their children, dad nervously Smoking.
And we'll analyze what's going on.
The excitement and attitude
It is clear that parents worry. Now, tell me, who does not remember yourself before the exam? Sweaty palms, shrinks the stomach, fog in the head. Heart pounding so loud that it can hear. You look at others and they look so calm.
"I know nothing, I can't answer, I'm afraid. They know me teachers, friends, parents. I'm stupid and worthless". These and other thoughts nail entrenched in the mind and prevent focus on the subject of the examination.
So, the excitement before the exam everyone experiences. And that's fine, because this is an emergency assessment. Assessment of your knowledge.
However, people often perceive it as an assessment of his personality as a whole. If you do not pass the exam — it means that you are bad, stupid, worthless. And that's why I feel guilty not meet expectations primarily parents.
These are all estimates and should be divided.
There's the excitement of the child before the exam. It is a serious test to worry to the extent even useful. This allows you to strengthen yourself.
There is the excitement of parents for the child, which they convey to him through your behavior, words, expectations. The result is an extra excitement of the child related to parents ' expectations.
It turns out that the excitement of parents not having the greatest positive impact on the child. And that is why you should start working with him.
What is the excitement of parents?
The excitement of parents based on their own experiences during the exam.
Further, many parents believe that poor assessment of the child will impact on their reputation as good parents.
And, of course, they are genuinely worried and sorry for her baby, experiencing such a difficult situation like an exam.
About the nature of unrest
In itself, the excitement is not something harmful or useful. This is one of the emotions of the person that performs a specific useful role in the body. A little excitement is constructive, it mobilizes, encourages, allows to focus and intensify thinking, to set the desired mood, in other words, preparing for the test.
At the physiological level begins to release stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol. They affect the heart in such a way that all the organs that need to be in this stressful situation get enough blood supply, and therefore energy.
First, increased vascularity of the brain — the most important test session of the authority. And it is necessary that all paths that lead to "database", that is knowledge, worked well. After all, you need to find information and play it. Increased blood circulation is also beneficial for the overall human condition. Included clear consciousness, thinking becomes clearer.
However, when anxiety gets out of control, it becomes destructive and goes into fear or panic. In this case, the man blocked access to the memory, lose his composure, thoughts are confused, tongue-tied.
Why the excitement of parents is dangerous for the child
Back to our classification of the types of the excitement of parents and children.
Sympathy, empathy — it is a natural process and it's normal to worry about a loved one.
The excitement of a child, as we found out, is also a useful process.
But the excitement of the child related to parents ' expectations, would clearly not be useful to him.
Moreover, these expectations and excitement associated with them is passed on, not even the words (although words is often). They are transmitted through behavior, through the tiniest shades of intonation, gestures, facial expressions. And read by the child as unconscious. It's like the man yawned, and immediately wanted to yawn. Or smiled, and we automatically smile back, not realizing in this report.
A worried parent is an additional source of stress for the child. An additional source of excitement. And not even before the exam, and before I'd think about it parents, if he didn't pass. Remember what I said of myself one of the moms. And, indeed, there were suicide attempts of children who do not pass exams.
For the parents it is very dangerous to put at the mercy of your self-esteem as "good" or "bad" parents from how to pass the exam for their child.
The conclusion is that parents need to prepare for exams no less than the child. Only parents do not have to cram math formulas or laws of physics. Parents need to learn to control their emotional state. And, having mastered these skills, they can significantly help their children.
Parental responsibility for the child's actions
How to treat the exams like?
First of all, think about it: what would happen if your beloved child suddenly do not pass the exam at the rating that you would like (for example, "five")? Too often we overdramatising events that give them undue weight and perceived as irreparable.
If your child does not pass the examination on "five"...it JUST doesn'T PASS the EXAM AT FIVE!!!
It says nothing about you as parents.
However, many parents is perceived "failure" of his child – "if he didn't pass perfectly, so something I do not doglyadel, poorly educated, bad parent, etc."
That is, your excitement is directly related to your assessment of yourself as a parent. But this is where all our logical system of thought fails.
You care about your child, you show your love for him, you can jot down a long list of good you do for your child, as satisfies his need for attention, care and affection.
Therefore, it is very important to find another way to feel like a good parent.
It is important to understand that there are manifestations of the care and love that you can control (to feed, read a story, go to the movies).
And there are also many things you can't control that is not directly related to your ability to show love and care.
And here we come to the main question, the question of RESPONSIBILITY.
Methods of self-help for parents
Parents are almost always wrongly assume excessive responsibility for the child.
It is important to separate the events you can influence, and which we can not influence.
Here's what you need to do first:
— make a rough list of events in the life of a child, which you, the parents, can influence (I can feed, clothe, drive to the theater, to walk, to buy books, and the like);
— list of events (again, from the child's life), which you are unable to influence (I can't think for their child, can't write for him an essay, to solve a problem, can not walk with legs, I can't speak for him, etc.)
How did you feel after compiled this list?
Please note that once you make this list, you have become easier.
Read it again. Just be aware that events from the second list you have no control over. And if the child is not going to do well on this list, there is not your fault, no need to consider themselves a bad parent. Start thinking about it differently.
He, your child, a completely different person. Not you, not your piece, this is an independent person.
Give him the opportunity to make mistakes, in the end. If he doesn't write tests because there is little to do, let him see this causal relationship!
Also interesting: the 7 habits of parents of independent children
Final examinations in mathematics: a comparison of 1991 and 2016 — is the degradation!
What happens? And you just pass the responsibility to your child for its own independent actions.
And then, when your child will understand that any assessment on the exam will not change your attitude, you will continue to love him and take care of it, then it will be much easier to pass the exams.published
Author: Oksana Ademoglu
Source: Oksana Ademoglu
Someone thoughtfully corrects the bow my daughter, someone asked whether all remembers his child, who advises them not to worry.
Here the Pope spent his child and nervously climbed the pocket. Took a cigarette, lit it, then guiltily looked around and walked quickly to the gate. There were already a bunch of the same pop.
And about benches gathered mothers with their memories.
I remember I just had a stomach ache and felt sick before an exam, — says one. — As my taking it?
The second joins:
— I once was so afraid of the exam that I had a fever and I had to go to the doctor, Then passed, with latecomers.
— Yes, and I was so, me an ambulance was summoned.
— I failed the exam and then was afraid to go home. It was a shame to his parents. Until late at night walked around the city. They even wanted to kill myself...
Moms continue to remember and suffer for their children, dad nervously Smoking.
And we'll analyze what's going on.
The excitement and attitude
It is clear that parents worry. Now, tell me, who does not remember yourself before the exam? Sweaty palms, shrinks the stomach, fog in the head. Heart pounding so loud that it can hear. You look at others and they look so calm.
"I know nothing, I can't answer, I'm afraid. They know me teachers, friends, parents. I'm stupid and worthless". These and other thoughts nail entrenched in the mind and prevent focus on the subject of the examination.
So, the excitement before the exam everyone experiences. And that's fine, because this is an emergency assessment. Assessment of your knowledge.
However, people often perceive it as an assessment of his personality as a whole. If you do not pass the exam — it means that you are bad, stupid, worthless. And that's why I feel guilty not meet expectations primarily parents.
These are all estimates and should be divided.
There's the excitement of the child before the exam. It is a serious test to worry to the extent even useful. This allows you to strengthen yourself.
There is the excitement of parents for the child, which they convey to him through your behavior, words, expectations. The result is an extra excitement of the child related to parents ' expectations.
It turns out that the excitement of parents not having the greatest positive impact on the child. And that is why you should start working with him.
What is the excitement of parents?
The excitement of parents based on their own experiences during the exam.
Further, many parents believe that poor assessment of the child will impact on their reputation as good parents.
And, of course, they are genuinely worried and sorry for her baby, experiencing such a difficult situation like an exam.
About the nature of unrest
In itself, the excitement is not something harmful or useful. This is one of the emotions of the person that performs a specific useful role in the body. A little excitement is constructive, it mobilizes, encourages, allows to focus and intensify thinking, to set the desired mood, in other words, preparing for the test.
At the physiological level begins to release stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol. They affect the heart in such a way that all the organs that need to be in this stressful situation get enough blood supply, and therefore energy.
First, increased vascularity of the brain — the most important test session of the authority. And it is necessary that all paths that lead to "database", that is knowledge, worked well. After all, you need to find information and play it. Increased blood circulation is also beneficial for the overall human condition. Included clear consciousness, thinking becomes clearer.
However, when anxiety gets out of control, it becomes destructive and goes into fear or panic. In this case, the man blocked access to the memory, lose his composure, thoughts are confused, tongue-tied.
Why the excitement of parents is dangerous for the child
Back to our classification of the types of the excitement of parents and children.
Sympathy, empathy — it is a natural process and it's normal to worry about a loved one.
The excitement of a child, as we found out, is also a useful process.
But the excitement of the child related to parents ' expectations, would clearly not be useful to him.
Moreover, these expectations and excitement associated with them is passed on, not even the words (although words is often). They are transmitted through behavior, through the tiniest shades of intonation, gestures, facial expressions. And read by the child as unconscious. It's like the man yawned, and immediately wanted to yawn. Or smiled, and we automatically smile back, not realizing in this report.
A worried parent is an additional source of stress for the child. An additional source of excitement. And not even before the exam, and before I'd think about it parents, if he didn't pass. Remember what I said of myself one of the moms. And, indeed, there were suicide attempts of children who do not pass exams.
For the parents it is very dangerous to put at the mercy of your self-esteem as "good" or "bad" parents from how to pass the exam for their child.
The conclusion is that parents need to prepare for exams no less than the child. Only parents do not have to cram math formulas or laws of physics. Parents need to learn to control their emotional state. And, having mastered these skills, they can significantly help their children.
Parental responsibility for the child's actions
How to treat the exams like?
First of all, think about it: what would happen if your beloved child suddenly do not pass the exam at the rating that you would like (for example, "five")? Too often we overdramatising events that give them undue weight and perceived as irreparable.
If your child does not pass the examination on "five"...it JUST doesn'T PASS the EXAM AT FIVE!!!
It says nothing about you as parents.
However, many parents is perceived "failure" of his child – "if he didn't pass perfectly, so something I do not doglyadel, poorly educated, bad parent, etc."
That is, your excitement is directly related to your assessment of yourself as a parent. But this is where all our logical system of thought fails.
You care about your child, you show your love for him, you can jot down a long list of good you do for your child, as satisfies his need for attention, care and affection.
Therefore, it is very important to find another way to feel like a good parent.
It is important to understand that there are manifestations of the care and love that you can control (to feed, read a story, go to the movies).
And there are also many things you can't control that is not directly related to your ability to show love and care.
And here we come to the main question, the question of RESPONSIBILITY.
Methods of self-help for parents
Parents are almost always wrongly assume excessive responsibility for the child.
It is important to separate the events you can influence, and which we can not influence.
Here's what you need to do first:
— make a rough list of events in the life of a child, which you, the parents, can influence (I can feed, clothe, drive to the theater, to walk, to buy books, and the like);
— list of events (again, from the child's life), which you are unable to influence (I can't think for their child, can't write for him an essay, to solve a problem, can not walk with legs, I can't speak for him, etc.)
How did you feel after compiled this list?
Please note that once you make this list, you have become easier.
Read it again. Just be aware that events from the second list you have no control over. And if the child is not going to do well on this list, there is not your fault, no need to consider themselves a bad parent. Start thinking about it differently.
He, your child, a completely different person. Not you, not your piece, this is an independent person.
Give him the opportunity to make mistakes, in the end. If he doesn't write tests because there is little to do, let him see this causal relationship!
Also interesting: the 7 habits of parents of independent children
Final examinations in mathematics: a comparison of 1991 and 2016 — is the degradation!
What happens? And you just pass the responsibility to your child for its own independent actions.
And then, when your child will understand that any assessment on the exam will not change your attitude, you will continue to love him and take care of it, then it will be much easier to pass the exams.published
Author: Oksana Ademoglu
Source: Oksana Ademoglu
