Someone educate: independent or docile?

Want to see the face of the Creator —look into the eyes of your child. Ancient wisdom

My fifteen years of consulting experience extraordinary children and their parents shows that today "an extraordinary child" — is the norm. I am not writing about "telepaths and healers – the one who touched this area of life, knows that each of us can develop the psychic abilities.

I'm talking about those little (by age) people who are immune to the mechanisms of repression for thousands of years inspires fear in the minds of children.

Psychotherapeutic practice, followed by theory, over 100 years ago proved that all negative manifestations of the human psyche from childhood. The lack of love and recognition, rudeness or just the pressure of parents, lack of understanding, in adolescence, manifested in an adult with communication problems, self-esteem, emotional-volitional sphere.

©Luigi Crosio

Naughty child And in our days there is a huge number of kids able not to feel fear!.. That is immune to personal distortion!..

They can resent, require understanding, keep aloof calm the emotionally fit adults or to feel sorry for him at this point, and ... not afraid of anything!

Most of all they need freedom of expression and, for this, ready to sacrifice everything: the approval of a loved one, a new gift, a treat, and in critical situations even food, clothing, shelter!..

One day I came to the family with a fifth grader. Changed 6 schools in the city. And we met with this boy a year ago in a private school where I was introduced as "the future of a criminal, abandoned by their parents". And it was absolutely non-aggressive inquisitive researcher of the surrounding space, even not notice the problems that he created school: he is interested – he reached into the wardrobe of the study of physics; tired – he climbed out the window to observe the grasshoppers. Parents – normal, live, are not burdened with higher education, successful in his small business people. In the summer in their family world – work together, rest together, and as school starts – the war.

The boy is "right", artist by nature in the school, "sabotaging the learning process", I sincerely do not understand: why to conjugate verbs, etc. Without the "will" to live – he needs 6-8 hours to be out on the street without it hurting ( fortunately, the family lives on the outskirts of the city near the ravine)

Intellectual ability is excellent, the gap in the school curriculum is purely informational. Professionally engaged in Cycling (team sports not for him). Then, in the presence of the Director of a private educational institution, I could not offer the parents to see the home form of learning, but individually they were not consulted. But a year later (when the parents realized the futility of his efforts to "Annex" of Chad) they found me to hear my recommendations.

With such "children of nature" you can sign the contract – they can't lie, and if they can not afford to fulfill the conditions – not take them on. Needed to find something meaningful for this child to offer parents. It turned out – he only cares about the "bling" of his peers – fashionable clothes, new computer games, even food. (If it is a normal build and above-average growth 1-2 yogurt a day. Interestingly, as commented on the phenomenon of indifference to food parents: "Probably, this yogurt has a lot of vitamins(!)" Holy simplicity!.. How many "educated" parents have driven themselves to neurosis, making the child "normal food".) Later we found out, it is acceptable for the family, so it makes no sense to sound, and now this child is busy with Life, not fight with my parents for her.

In the process of defending their freedom doesn't matter – it's a hyperactive child, or inclined to contemplation — I watched the same "inflexibility" of his position as extremely moving (seemingly inconsistent) and are very slow, brooding children. It does not matter – what does this kid refuses to go outside without her beloved baby or trying to climb on the top shelf of the wardrobe (of course, the age of the older shows are much more important goals). Somehow adults are not in a hurry to appreciate this amazing quality of self, but are trying to adjust inappropriate behavior initiative the baby to the usual overwhelming standards.

The paradox of personal development is that for the development of the ability to set constructive goals and to achieve them (which is so passionately waiting for the parents and society from a young person) child childhood should be free from pressure from others ' goals!.. In any case, most of the time. Now consider: how many daily targets you programme the child?

It is necessary to brush your teeth!

Need to eat!( Yes — that's it!)

You have to get up in the dark in the winter (to "choke" in public transport on the way to kindergarten).

Need a hug grandma ( which is still good, and then — unfamiliar relative -see "Deniskin stories" dragunkin)

You have to go to different "classes".

Have to say, not speak it!.. (It is possible to speak one brother, odnogodka, but not the other – the caregiver, the grandfather.)...

One fine boy of 4 years, which, at the request of parents, I worked on developing training (in their opinion, he lagged behind in intellectual development, though it is a pale tiny child could read and write) stayed for a couple of days with my grandmother (50 years).

She called me the "pre-stroke" condition and with horror transferred words of the child: "get out – you make me sick!".In the clarification of the situation was that within 2(!) hours it all sorts of ways to persuade him to eat the hated pies. (The child at all verbosity did not differ.)

What would a normal grandson 30 years ago? Out of guilt he would eat this pie, even three – grandma would have never given up, would have started vomiting, then call the doctor, search for "cause of poisoning", if the parents are "caring" — would go to be surveyed, etc.

It may be easier to explain to the grandmother that it is not necessary to rape a child than to provoke his rude and to educate him so cruel?..

In addition to the stimulation of aggression, as a means of protecting the child's space, the violent behavior of adults impedes the development essential for success in the modern world abilities.

To stop fighting is to try to understand What is now taught in training for successful entrepreneurship?

— creativity in solving problems

-independence of the self-evaluation of the marks of others

-the ability to understand the true needs of their unique personality and to choose the direction of operation on the basis of them!...

All this is brilliantly showing us "new kids"!

I am sure that most of these children will grow through the asphalt" of the adult misunderstanding, and implement the plan of your Soul!.. Because Life will claim their individualism, initiative, creativity and freedom of role-playing "Mexican soap operas", in which so love to play with older people.

But we – adults, parents – will lose the unique opportunities and valuable partnerships with talented, unpredictable, amazing people – our children!

In this article I am not concerned with the wisdom, insight and generosity of children. More about that later.

But in order to notice the precious qualities of the human heart, whether adult or child, we must cease to fight it, and try to understand. published

Author: Svetlana Dobrovolskaya

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

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