A letter that your teenager cannot write to you

Dear Father, I would like to write you this letter.

About this battle we're fighting. I need her. I need this battle. I can't tell you that because I don't have the right words and it's going to be meaningless anyway. But I need this battle. Very. I need to hate you now and I need you to get over it. I need you to feel that I hate you and that you hate me. I want this fight, even though I hate it too. It doesn’t matter what we’re fighting about: slack, homework, laundry, my dirty room, walking, sitting at home, leaving, not leaving, boyfriend, girlfriend, no friends, bad friends. Whatever. I need to fight with you about this and I need you to fight me back.





I desperately need you to hold one end of the rope. He held me tight as I hurried at the other end, as I searched for arms and legs in this new world I had entered. I used to know who I was, who you were, who we were. But now I don't know. Now I'm looking for my limits, and sometimes they're only when I pull you. When I push everything I knew to the limit. Then I feel like I exist and I can breathe for a minute. I know you miss the sweet kid I was. I know this because I miss him too, and that longing adds to my pain now.

I need this battle, and I need to know that no matter how bad or strong my feelings are, they won’t destroy you or me. I need you to love me even at my worst, even when I don’t seem to love you. I need you to love yourself and me for the two of us now. I know how bad it is when you're not liked and you're called a bad person. Inside, I feel that way too, but I need you to take it out and seek help from other adults. Because I can't help you right now. If you want, call all your adult friends and arrange a party to release a couple among your support group "how to survive with a teenager", I agree. You can talk about me behind my back, I don't care. Just don't leave me. Don't give up this battle. I need her.

This battle will teach me that my shadow is no bigger than my light. This battle will teach me that bad feelings don’t mean the end of a relationship. This battle will teach me to listen to myself, even when it might disappoint other people.

This particular battle will end. Like any storm, it will subside. I'll forget, and you'll forget. And then she'll come back. And I'm gonna need you to hold the rope again. I will need it again and again for years to come.

I know that this difficult case is not inherently pleasing to you. I know I'll probably never thank you for this, and I won't even acknowledge your role in this. You know, I'll probably even criticize you for all this hard work. It will feel like whatever you do is never enough. And yet I rely entirely on your ability to stay in this battle. No matter how much I argue. It doesn't matter how much I do. No matter how big my silence is.

Please hold your end of the rope. And know that you're doing the most important job anyone can do for me right now.

Love, your Teenager.

Gretchen Schmelzer (Gretchen Schmelzer)

Translation by Irina Matsenko

P.S. And remember, just changing our consumption – together we change the world!

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Source: alpha-parenting.ru