Permanence is an illusion Bashny.Net

Suddenly realized that I have never in my life had no stability.

I haven't lived in the same house for more than 5 years. And that was the only time, usually 1-2 years — and again the move. It teaches you to inhabit the space rapidly, but not too details and closing the door forever, to leave without looking back, without sentimentality. Now, remember, the parents sold the apartment in which she lived since childhood, and some weeks every night she was crying in the bathroom, already having made the decision to sell, but still painfully Sivas with him. I do not have time to shed a tear at the threshold — too fast change of the picture ahead was always waiting for a new school or a new job, or train to another city, or a plane to another country, or new husband (journey to another planet)...

The current apartment — 12-I am in my life.





I love my job, whatever that job nor were at the moment, for 11 years has been a promoter, a PR girl, a copywriter, a journalist, tarragon, a healer, a psychologist, now a writer... the Final crisis in relations with its business is not easier than a crisis with a loved one. I wept many times, leaving and letting go, and the efforts to save these "relations" was applied, perhaps even more than in relations with people. The ship is safer in the port, but my, apparently, not for this build. And, damn, it amazes every time: the ropes don't even need to cut once winds, hot sun and salt water turn them into thin threads... And the port where I have settled, gently whispering, the time has come.

 

Sometimes my heart squeezes wistful envy toward people who get married at age 20 (or even 25), and then live life together. Because I have 25 had a second divorce and several breakups. It's nobody's fault: if we look back, cover the eyes of all my birth and death, all joint hopes and our personal disaster of universal scale, on the horizon will be visible only fading silhouettes. My favorite — every time in the past and at the same time somewhere quiet pulsing inside knowledge: there will come a time when you have to go further — and my own multiple silhouettes... Ordinary people who wanted to be happy and loved as best they could.

 

I could make myself a lot of verdicts on the basis of the foregoing. And took them for a long time, consciously, more often not. And maybe the reader to this line has also diagnosed me with some indelible diagnosis. But I have had so many other expectations that I didn't meet, so much about first impressions that I have long enough just to be honest — and this is something I am constantly working in the context of communication with the world.

 

In childhood and adolescence inside lived a crazy idea, which I told no one, thinking that "this never happens". I wanted to live many lives in one. Here I am 27 years old and I haven't told anyone about this idea, because I'm afraid to hear the answer: wow, you're doing great! "Not a word," I grinned wryly, omitting all paid the price. The irony is after all — a mixture of sense of humor with an experience that is not always necessary for the coat," and sometimes so "don't..." that the scars remain forever decoration. Lord, well, anything forever!

 

Now I have another way. As if this life with an open chest cavity. The wind of change, people, city, insight, words fly inside and feel them with all my heart. A great feeling, at least while the wind is caressing and warm. But it is changeable. And then I, as any living soul, I want to smell, to hide, to shelter the hearth security and stability. I find this, at first, cherish them forever, thaw... Until you start to suffocate. Or until the fire is extinguished even before I get warm. Then nothing remains but to get up and go on. In some moments to warm your own tears, in some with the power of love and faith. I'm coming alongside someone and encouraging him, she is filled with hope, and if you go alone, whispering to myself: "Permanence is illusion. Security — only inner sense and the angle of view. You never asked for the easy way out, I asked interesting. Here it is, please. Go. Breathe".

 

These words giving me my only stability. published

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki

Source: /users/9001