How to overcome chronic loneliness

I'm 30. I have no beloved man and never had a long relationship. What to do? Answer questions from readers.

Svetlana, 30 years

Olesya, Hello. Thank you for your website. It is a concentrate and teachings, and practices, and a variety of pursuits. Great encyclopedia for the development and awakening)) Is true. But heard and flattery that you responded to my request)) never mind, the site is really needed, as the ambulance very much.Allow me to ask You for help and tips. My name is Sveta, I'm 30. I have no beloved man and never had a long relationship. There were five of them, the long the communication lasted six months. Literally communicate very strong emotions, very strong mutual attraction, a beautiful story, 24 hours a day, say two or three times sex and pull him to me disappears, and he disappears without explanation. As if I'm nothing, have nothing to draw with, not attached to anything, nothing to fall in love.However, men start a relationship, I meet very rarely, once every 1-2 years. Now I broke up with a man with whom we were planning to live together. All of my status then and now is exactly described in your article "a man and a woman. How to create yourself anew in a relationship," addicted to love, coupled with panic that I'm nobody, that's karma, retribution for sins, God's punishment or God's Providence that I do not to overcome, not to convince myself that everything is possible in this world.Oles in me from early childhood, there is the belief that I am nizozemscina, what beautiful mutual love never will I'm with some invisible flaw. And the farther, the more this feeling seems prophetic. And given that my intuition is often right, it's just a collapse.The problem is that I don't see any other meaning, no other values, no other joys in life is the same strength and depth of mutual love and affection between a man and a woman. I don't want to live or to breathe. Nothing. I'm trying to fill my life, but it is deceptive. I love nothing in life, except for the state, when the Beloved loves me. Though his head and understand that the purpose of human life is to come to God and be transformed, to grow, but my life without the man she loved tolerated me as the deadline that I have to serve. And the life of any woman without a date seems pointless.Olesya, I realize that I'm acting like a "hungry Ghost" who craves love and attention. Who tortured all around the question "what", "how to escape"? That's got to You, too))
But if You have any thoughts about loneliness and karma, where the real fatum, and where I have created stupid thoughts destiny, about overcoming it, I beg You – tell me, please! Light, for several days now, with your letter in his bosom. If people can't see the answer to your question, it will not help, and personal recurrence. On the contrary, samootverzhennoy prompts the decision has a greater effect than the answer served on a platter. On the other hand, I've never seen a more accurate definition:

I love nothing in life, except for the state, when the Beloved loves me.

I think you do not fully understand the precision and the tragedy definition, which gave to herself.

So a few days I'm carrying the answer to your query – how to heal yourself from this madness, but today it suddenly dawned on me:

And don't ask me about it!

You don't need a heal. As would be sad as this is to realize...

All you want to do is find a relationship. To get rid of loneliness. To meet a man who, in your own words, "fall in love, get attached, get caught".

But to heal, to change, to reshape itself, to re-create — you don't need. You don't want to love, except for the state "when the Beloved loves me." The fact that you have the sincerity to admit it, the only reason why I respond to you. But don't expect me that I'll be careful with sharp corners.

The problem is that it is Light: you don't need the healing, so all the recipes are on the way out of this situation that I can give, you won't work.

Not because the recipe is defective, but because you will use it for other purposes.

I've always secretly felt this principle of the universe and watched it in my life, but only recently was able to give him a clear definition:

Multiple passes with the world are not working.

Any attempt to do one thing, to get a third, will not work.

The world is cool it is invented or purity, or nothing.

This is the reason for the lack of changes in many people, which seems to be doing a lot of things, but there's no progress.

Any solution that I will propose to cure this infection, you will apply with a single purpose – to find a lasting relationship. And not to be healed!

Therefore you will not be healed.

Well, to build a relationship on condition which you have now observed, is unlikely to succeed. Moreover, the experience of 10 years has clearly hints at this.

You say that acting like a "hungry Ghost." But it's too beautiful and too far from the truth. Spirit can't be hungry. It is the prerogative of the flesh. There are more apt definition.

Author Elizabeth Gilbert in the book "Is. Pray. Love" describes itself, in such roles as:

"Sort of a cross between a Golden Retriever and fish-prilipaly"

I see this as a "beggar". Man, painful thirst for love. Not interested in anything but that. Require it. Begging. At the time, as love is the meeting of two people giving and not asking.

Only "give" is not soup, not talking for 24 hours, and even, as incredible as it may sound, not sex (then prostitutes have long ruled the world). Devotionalia. This is the essence. And it added everything else that is also important. But without a healthy return nothing. You could verify this on their own experience.

In the relationship man-woman is a woman is the main generator – fills man's life force (and male transformerait in this case). But something has to give, it is necessary to have. To give love, it must be inside. It can be love to the world, to ourselves, to God or to the motorcycle (Yes, you guessed right – I put these concepts next), to stitching, to run, to the city, may be the love of the bath, to something else or everything at once. How many people, so many channels for the flow of love. What do you like, Light? Your own words – nothing deep. Turns out you only pull energy from your partner, trying to fill at his expense. To charge. Feel alive. And the man leaves. But doesn't explain it because he does not understand what is happening. This protective mechanisms that are triggered on a subconscious level. We otdeleniem hand from the fire, not to burn yourself, and leave the people with whom you can be depleted of energy, no matter how wonderful they may be.

You can give on the principle "you to me – I to you" (this is the most common household form of love, we all passed through it), but there is the next step that I explained in a remote Nepalese forest with the phrase "Love is one way traffic". When there are two such "one-way traffic" without mnogohodovok "I love you, too, to get stronger love from you," and there is what is called true love.

Again. Multiple passes with the world are not working. All attempts to "salubritate" man context "to be loved in response, as the only way to get" (even if the context so deeply that one is not conscious of his owner) will only cause rejection over time, as would be tasty any way you cook and whatever you were in bed.

What to do in this situation?

I'll tell you. If you still need healing...

Only today I have absolutely no desire to build up a neat path into the depths of your psyche, so that there was nothing to hurt. No steps and hints. Just say it like it is. Decide what to do with it: to reject or accept.

1. I must admit that you're sick, and it's rare stuff.

This can continue for a long time, very long time. Life. And subsequent too. None of the relationships will not be cured. Look, people get deeply each other to love and not to Deplete – as well as to look at someone who eats everything and never gains weight. Or who drinks not to get drunk. Or who lifts in the gym dozens of kilos at a time and not toiling. They can. They are trained. They are healthy. Genes, Constitution, good karma or years of training is not important. You don't have it. You have a disease. Their solution won't work on you.

2. You have to want to heal.

Just want believe it's possible. Yes, we need faith. As in God. And it depends on you. The causes of this disease have absolutely no value – even past lives, even children's trauma – no difference. Healing can be anything planned pure action from day to day. Have a very strong desire to pass this way.

3. It is necessary to begin self-treatment.

And the only cure here is loneliness. Loneliness and sincere spiritual effort. We must learn to be one. Without thinking about men. Allow yourself to be one. To learn to breathe alone. Yes, in 30 years. It is in 30 years. Truly to allow. To answer the question: "What if I end up alone?" To stop this fear.

4. The essence of treatment is to learn how to be a happy one, filled with love for the world and ourselves to the brim.

But it will not work. For a start, at least not be miserable then happy with something, then joyful, then serenely happy. Sincerely.

5. Open your eyes to the world.

To stop complaining and to lament the fate. At all. To decide on a kind of adventure in the style to travel around the world, open a business, change a city to get a haircut bald, to go to the Ashram, to return from the Ashram, to do the detox, to change the environment or something else. We need a serious shake-up, preferably extended in time (from six months), after which the life is not physically able to be still.

6. Make a conscious celibacy. Until completely clean.

The world will experience the truth of your intentions. You need to resist. You need to get well. Or free-range – all over again.

7. Patience.

A few years at least to cleanse, with understanding and accepting the fact that if you take 10 years means 10. Fully surrender into the hands of God/the Universe/the Universe/Higher self who do you believe, with the firm intention from the heart: "get rid of this garbage".

8. Every day do-do-do your best to in reality colours appeared and the taste of life. Though to enroll in courses of extreme driving, even to go as a volunteer to Chile to save the penguins. Go to the stylist, the hairdresser, the beautician, manicurist and buy all lingerie Agent Provocateur to just in it to sleep. And then to wonder that I could create in this life? How can I be useful?

9. In any case, not to play with the world in mnogohodovki in style: "I'll be the one to find IT", "I'm going on a journey to meet HIM", "I'll do that". The only purpose of all these actions is the purification of his own soul and body. Healing. Healing from your own unhappiness. Filling your being with the world and impact the world itself. Just. Without conditions and demands of love from the outside. As the only way to become healthy.

That's all. published

Author: Olesya Novikova

P. S. And remember, just changing your - together we change the world! ©

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