Safety when choosing a spouse

Someone asked me recently – how do you talk to your girls about the future of marriage? At that time I answered "nothing yet". In General, and now we are not specifically discussing this topic, not discuss it "seriously". Just sometimes, suddenly there is a theme of family life and relations between husband and wife, as applied to any moment, or movie, or book, or traces of some experiences, and communication.

But in recent time, the eldest daughter began to show greater interest in marriage, family and life in General to relationships with the opposite sex. The time has come. There are a variety of questions on the topic, including global question – how to find the right person, with whom will live all my life? At first the daughter formulated this question quite specifically: "How to find someone like dad?". And this is understandable, with such a dad... However, in my youth, too, was a rush to get married just for someone like my dad: And what is the result? My husband does not like him, just the name. And in others, he (her husband) better.

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But gradually I try to convey to girls the idea that to look like daddy don't need. Everyone is different, and my daughters are not like me in nature, so they need someone else. But to interfere in the private lives of children is a thankless task. On the other hand, how not to intervene? After all, they're your children, you're responsible for them and wish them a better life (in the sense of happiness). And if we make such efforts to give our children an education, a good and beloved profession and so on, how not to think about their family happiness??? It is important not to overdo it, do not press too, but not to be thus indifferent in style – and do what you want, it's your life.

 

In this sense, wise of my parents. They told me, hamper your Hobbies, we will not, prevent the marriage, too, but will Express his opinion honestly and impartially. And expressed. For example – you can meet with N. where you want, but we have a home its more of a don't ask, please. Of course, the rationale of his opinion. And it was helpful. However, my parents were my authority, especially the Pope. Because the degree of confidence in their opinion was very high.

While my daughters only hypothetically discuss issues of marriage, but I'm already thinking about what comes the time to solve practical issues. And then I get stumped. Because there is my experience based on my character, my tastes and preferences, but it is so simple in someone else's head and heart do not invest. Everyone has to find their own, and everyone has their own way. It is impossible to say – "love so-and-so and so-and-so" or "your man should possess such qualities." But you can go "on the contrary". I, based on my own experience, and the experiences of other women – the happy and not happy in marriage – I can tell my girls what their choice ought NOT to be. More precisely, at least, identify some of the features men who really need to worry the girl.

Every woman would call out different features and reasons that prevent a serious relationship, but something the same as, in the opinion of many. I understand that General recipe for a happy marriage does not exist, because "each person on your sample". But some safety here may well be applicable.

So, dear daughter, no matter how strong or was your feelings, your love (and osleplennost), nestoris and a hundred times think about it, if:

— If you have no common interests, no hits in the literature-the arts-sport or anywhere else. And you just nothing to talk about, even if very well together. And in this case it doesn't matter if you are a humanitarian, and he's a techie, not talking about it. You just have to be in a certain General direction, the cultural, for example. There are exceptions, but more often over the years, the lack of common interests and the direction of movement is exacerbated and provoked a quarrel and tear.

— If the person mocks your beliefs in disdain applies to them. Not saying it does not agree with you. Let them argue and prove you wrong, he is trying to draw you into their "faith", but does not despise. If there's even a hint of contempt to serious conviction, then this bell. It is unlikely that this person will respect you later in life, but can there be a happy marriage without respect?

— If the person takes you seriously, and does just as he likes. Always and in everything. Maybe not directly, but gradually, his interests always ahead. Do not hope, then that would be different. Most likely, it will get worse.

— If you are at the moment, when relationships go to the extent of serious, can't tell him EVERYTHING, of course you want to tell. Family, mental, spiritual, and even, in some cases, physiological. Honestly. Moreover, you should not be afraid to disappoint him and shock. Know that from this point a not agree, because the degree of openness are different. But I also know examples where such frankness has caused the gap from the young man, and it was right. In the sense that once it was confused by something, and he abandoned the relationship, then they would not be able to be strong and for life. Because lies happiness is not to build, but the secret always becomes obvious.

— If he has no sense of humor. A person without a sense of humor (and irony, of course) is next to long just dangerous for the psyche. Not what to live my life, but even to friends, and even just prijateljstva. However, I doubt that this will appeal to my daughter...

— If he is attentive to you, but rough and callous with others. You can pretend (and sometimes even not on purpose) for achieving its goal – to Woo someone else, but to hide his true face very difficult. At least, seeing how a person relates to others, one can understand how he will treat you when you reach your goal.

— If he's too attached to his mother. Well, about her mother's sonnies all know... Most likely, his mother will be in your life constantly, compulsively in the first place.

— If you don't like its smell (smell — check for compatibility one of the right). There are many scientific explanations and evidence for this. Again, I suspect that many will disagree and say that this equation of man and animal. But God created us physiologically like animals, and just go and get that physiology is not possible.

I think every woman has something to add to this list. That, however, does not negate all possible exceptions to the rule. For example, the fact that people live happily, having almost no common interests, because in a global sense "look one way". Or free from the influence of mom, etc. and even intolerant of the smell the wife live for many years, because the rest of the pros and compatibility characters repeatedly outweigh this disadvantage. And for each person one or another minus (and plus) character can be important to a greater or lesser extent. But when the minuses from the list of not one or two, then you need to seriously consider especially whether it is your current passion (passion, love) of those victims who you will bring in the future? And most importantly, whether these sacrifices in vain?

And only as the mother of daughters will add to "raise the bar" (in my opinion) is not bad at all, and in his youth a very useful. Most importantly, do not forget to keep the bar high, so to speak, to comply with their own requests (but it turned out if I would marry myself?..). And in General — we don't need "still who", just married, right? published 

Author: Elizabeth Pravikova P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki

 

   

Source: www.matrony.ru/texnika-bezopasnosti-pri-vybore-supruga/