The test of many children: jumping under the dome

Your child behaves badly? You are considered a bad mother? You do not have time and do not understand what is happening with your life? These and other pressing questions about how to give birth to children and what to do now, in the article by Nina Arkhipova, mother of many children. I have to say: the answer is no!


Working mother vs nerabotaet now you can often find a large family, many children – still a bit of a sensation.

Sometimes I think that my biggest accomplishment in life was the title mother of four children. Not that other achievements were very many, or their cost has to be mentioned, but I am not a parent.

I have other classes, other interests, plans, dreams, shattered hopes, undigested experiences and other components necessary for the man for intimate conversations in the kitchen. Society interesting basically my marital status. Maybe it's some deep, inherent in man a desire to be terrified someone else's adventure? I personally love the performances of trapeze artists under the big top, the heart and freezes.

Today Dunya, Jr. (actually Jr. we have two, twins Juliana and Eudocia, but Dunya's younger, lucky to be younger than the youngest) in the far corner Shoe shelves dug out the old Shoe. Half hour neighbors listened to her screams and cries demanding to find and serve immediately, immediately, the second Shoe to go in this elegant outfit in kindergarten.

I'm not exaggerating – Dunya naturally wept, stripped jacket, hat, lying on the floor. Juliana smiled good-naturedly, because she just changed warm hat with a pompom for a cute directoy your hat in strazica. Vanya, medium, demonstrated that children can produce very loud sounds, if you forbid them to carry out in the garden a new toy. Mary, the eldest, the hope and support over this crazy wondered where her English.

Before that, they cleaned my teeth. Before that, we awoke. And the day before – were laid. And so day after day, morning after night, God bless kindergartens, schools and clubs, teachers and students.

I need to write a column, article, disassemble, photography, listen to a few lessons in the course for which I recorded. I plan to go with a friend to the exhibition Serov. Then have to deliver children mugs. To cook dinner, put the kids to bed. Being a working mother with many children is not easy.

I tried to be idle a large mom – and it's even harder. Because sooner or later, come to vile thoughts about the best years. I really do not want to turn into a woman who all the time require your loved ones to compensate for the youth, beauty, health. Yes, there are people who were able to step over it, only their number can be correlated with the statistical error. The righteous never had a lot.

A year ago, the main ringleader in the morning the camp was Juliana. She had her own idea of how you want to handle it. For example, in the frost, she demanded to go without a jacket. And in the summer I wore a scarf and mittens. These issues can be resolved, putting the stubborn frost, you say. Moreover, I was the first to propose the test of weather, while we are talking about someone other than Ulyana. The girl despises the external environment, if they don't match with her sense of beauty. As a white colonizer, sweating in the jungles of India, Ulyana will stick to their opinions.

When the kids go to sleep, she loudly makes his comments for the simple reason that it is the biggest. Eight-year-old Mary complains to me on a three-year usurper, and her lower lip trembling. The only way to neutralize Ulyana – to agree with her. The world revolves around Juliana, her world is subordinate to, and Juliana come through there in a joyful state of mind. Lavishes us with kisses and hugs. Puts on Panama hat with pompom and goes to kindergarten. Cap, hat, jacket, scarf, mittens, a toothbrush and a t-shirt – pink. Mike – always with a picture. Skirt ruffle, green. We have two. In the event of an earthquake or tsunami.

Large for free (on the third Tuesday of each month)I don't want to engage in petty counting their losses in the field of motherhood. But past that cannot pass, if you decide on the path of having many children. Health seriously podkashivatsya. I'm not very worried, I this helps weakened from chronic lack of sleep, memory.

Difficult to survive the cost of tickets for the sea. Or bills from doctors – good and free medical care I don't really believe. The kids go to four circles, one on nose, son attends speech therapy, the eldest daughter – an after-school program. Last year, the homework club was free and to 18. This year she was paid to 17. It's necessary to pay. As well as trips to theatres, museums and cinema. The practice of discounted tickets to museums was not justified in the eyes of our government, so many children get in free. Once a month, mark this day on your calendar in advance, please. Third Tuesday of each month, come again. Some museums are still holding for the benefits, but they are smaller.

Clothing. About it I can write a Saga. From someone who goes that we should buy older, where, how and when (I'm shopping for a year or two in advance, on sales). Twice a year things should sort it, shuffle it, even though it is someone fit to throw too much, give little. Migration of boots out of the closet in the closet and back helps me to decide times of year. Our experience allows us to write the calendar will.

Dunya active phase of the crisis three years. Yesterday she came to the garden in a long, room for growth, a denim dress, a headdress, wristbands on both wrists. The day before yesterday in summer yellow shorts over dark grey tights. Last week she demanded a swimsuit, without him it was impossible to wash my hair. Periodically, she wears two dresses, if can't choose one.

Dunya jealous and prone to strong feelings. Van asked to learn the verses for the morning – Dunya came up with a poem. Masha goes to school – Dunya is finishing fifth grade. Juliana honored me with Royal kindness – Dunya was just crying, mom not hugging her. Angry Dunya from the heart, too – could charge in the wall with his fist. If happy, then performs a dance and a song of Good mood. In this Dunya forgiving and almost always cheerful, fondled and flutters. Unless, of course, we are not talking about a lost Shoe.

Easy figurestyle taught me motherhood was not to ask too many questions. Children must be informed. Phrase: "Daughter, look what a cute dress, right?" it's a mistake. No rhetorical tricks. Do not give children the opportunity to ponder such questions. And that in fact they might start to respond not as you would like.

All conditional carrots, it is necessary to hang. The thoroughness of the wording in this case is a guarantee of success. You cannot say "If you don't stop yelling, I'm not buying you ice cream". Better to say, "If you'll calm down, I'll buy you ice cream".

All the time you need to maintain a balance on a sharp edge between strictness and indulgence. If you did something forbidden, and children beg, and many parents fall into catatonia and continue to insist on a ban, not fully knowing themselves why. This internal uncertainty is very read by children, and requirements smoothly into a tantrum with felting on the floor. In such moments I remember about the hierarchy of the world. Make a gloomy pause. And graciously allow. In General, a pardon is very nice. If I were a tyrant, would do it every day. As an enlightened dictator have to limit yourself to rational arguments.

Yet we teach children to come with their conflicts to us. Never saw that little children themselves could resolve the conflict to everyone's satisfaction. Although we do not resolve conflicts, but rather act as mediators, the ongoing oversight and comfort. To fight and to take away something we do not allow. This parent activity takes a lot of time and attention, but, I think, brings the result.

Ivan is the only boy. It is very good. Vanya prefers action any conversations. When the consequences of actions are revealed, he firmly takes the blows of fate. Gallant. If the girls have something very much I ask, give. And in General, inferior to pity them. When it grazes, like a herd, helps with Junior, admires the elder. Lives some of his boyish life in this female realm. Oddly enough, girls are very often attached to it, please accept the game. Vanya almost always in a good mood and rarely depressed. I think he believes that the best remedy for boredom is to do some climbing near the ceiling at the complex.

Parenting strategies varied from child to child. Now one strategy is to create and strengthen good relations between children. It is an absolute priority. You can often see parents manipulating children, using the jealousy or competition. Convenient, effective tactic. Unfortunately, only in the short term.

It is difficult to keep the uniformity in respect to the children, and it is not necessary – the needs and the critical periods are different. A parent in a large family similar to skater: track steps, the powerful force element, the balance on the arc. Looks nice and easy. What this move is a skater, nobody knows. Parent errors – a normal thing. It is not always possible immediately and quickly catch the rhythm of the child to understand that it is now necessary: to regret, or Vice versa, to persevere. The solution of the issue of incentives and penalties so that the system worked with both parents, can take years. The system must be understandable to the children – they undermine it.

Mary, Mary – senior. Girl slim and vulnerable, but it reeks like a sword in the hand of the samurai. Her life does not spoil, but provides many opportunities for inner growth and hone the skills of organization and discipline. Now she develops a sense of humor and sometimes produces really funny jokes. Miss independent, maybe something to cook, bring the kids with mug, to go to the store. Her lessons – her own business, it is to cope. Masha has artistic flair, and we're excited to see what will grow. Mary reminds me of myself, so it's probably all the more difficult. But interesting.

Mom can yell at somewhere something to deny, to hit the ceiling. Mom – man, its exposure may not be enough for all. Say, twice to dress fully clothed child because he changed his mind, I can, and on the third grab under his arm and dragged into the car. And no, I'm not sorry. Though I can apologize, if you think their wrong.

Dancing on profilecandidate mother quite calmly accepts the cries of children. In the end, in this world, always someone unhappy. Once three years he had lusted after a wooden sword, which cut the guys next to us. Is it possible to Express his disappointment in the justice of everything at this point? I have these words was not at it too. He was sobbing, I patted him on the back, we were at peace.

Within an hour we were approached by several men, who authoritatively stated that boys should not cry. These kind and considerate people left with a wistful faces when I told them, "people are crying if they are upset to the core. You cry if you have a really big mountain?"

The topic of communication with people is inexhaustible: "Oh, and this all yours?", "And how are you doing?", "And how do you manage everything?", "And you'll have more children?", "Why don't you like a large?", "And you are not tormented by conscience, what are you working on?" I think a lot of people say in this moment with ourselves. Of course, not everyone is happy. Neighbor discuss: "Their crowd had a lot of, and even foreign guests to invite". Apparently, the guests put only the families with one or two children.

When twins are born, I faced the question of logistics: Maria was a little less than five van – a little more than half. January, janitors triumph. I shook my twins in a sling, one forward, the second back, the senior took by the hand and we went for a walk. Once stopped next to a huge jeep, out popped the driver, who cried "Bravo!" and applauded.

Maybe he also likes to go to the circus to watch the trapeze artists? published


The Author, Nina Arkhipova


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

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