Believe that You are a good mother!

Not long ago, the media began to closely study the theme of parenthood. Elizabeth Badinter released his new book "the conflict: how modern motherhood demeans the status of women" (Elisabeth Badinter, The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women). Shortly thereafter, the journal times published an article "are you a good mother?" – an attention-grabbing headline near the same eye-catching photo of the mother breastfeeding her three year old son.

In both cases, the energy of the media turned into a frenzy, the other major news sources just adding your fresh perspective on this issue, Newspapers churned out articles mom-bloggers raised a fuss, but for comedians it's a good day.

 





The year before, a similar frenzy ensued when Amy Chua published a book "the Battle cry of the mother tiger".

As a young mother of two daughters I can't help but think about why parenthood, especially motherhood, is now causing such a public stir.

I come to the conclusion that part of the problem lies in our human nature – the tendency to divide into good and bad, right and wrong. Also, apparently, this is due to the viral nature of the media in our digital age.

Another important aspect, I think, is that we have lost our confidence in matters of parenthood.

Generally, the parents poured a mountain of condemnation. Everything seems to feel compelled to give unsolicited opinions when it comes to children, from friends and relatives to complete strangers.

Every time I'm flying somewhere with the kids, I find myself in a state of anxiety. During a recent five-hour flight, my two year old daughter spent four and a half hours happily looking at books, playing with toys and chatting happily... and was followed by nine (very uncomfortable) minutes of loud crying, kicking and screaming when the plane began to descend and her power was trying to fasten.

After the plane stopped and we all stood in awkward stillness and silence, waiting for will begin the process of disembarking from the plane, a woman sitting a few rows ahead of us, pointed at me and loudly announced: "She is a real screamer!" No words uttered, while a woman waiting for my answer. Her index finger was still on display in my direction ready to fight. The awkward silence when all the passengers were staring at me also made me feel that they agree.

If one of the women later told me: "I think she did a great job!" I don't know how long it took me to roll thoughts with their humiliating directions, asking myself if I'm good enough mother. In any case, at that moment, I felt almost desperate need for the assessment.

I can cite thousands of similar examples from my short career of the parent. The point is, that our parental self-confidence and so quite fragile due to the pervasive social stigma. Therefore, the media madness, added to this mix, hit on a vulnerable spot, leaving us to look for answers outside, never believing in his knowledge of what is in the best interests of our child. We bought into the fact that our approach to parenting needs somewhere to fit in, or that our children must behave in a socially acceptable from the cradle. Our lack of confidence creates a demand for such a stir in the media.

Since I found the materials of the Institute Nufeld two years ago, my confidence gradually grew. Actually at first I was attracted to the materials to find specific answers to very specific problems. However, what I found was much richer. I learned a new language to bring to a conscious level of different development processes, and get a map of how to help children reach their fullest potential.

Yes, it sounds lofty, but given my newfound understanding of the conditions in which children need to grow and Mature, I in most cases can ward off the evil plaguing concern about what I was doing wrong, causing my two year old turns into a "screamer" and instead to look more broadly: how do I provide a safe, deep affection to help their children grow up stable, independent people with a soft heart.

For me, really, it all comes down to becoming a confident parent to believe that I'm old enough, good enough mother and are a response to the needs of my children. This confidence comes from the inside. It is based on intuition and not on expert opinion, not on the techniques, not training, and certainly not in the media.

In his report at the last Parent conference of the Institute Neufeld Gordon Neufeld said, "What children really need from us is that we have again assumed a rightfully belonging to us role in their lives, to make us believe that we are the best choice for them. If we believe it, then so be it. But it has to start with feeding yourself with the fact that we believe that we are the best choice for their children."

I like this reminder came just in time – a few days before the recent explosion on the theme of parenthood in the media. It's so true. Parents need the right answers. The parents themselves are the answer. published

 

Author: Sarah Easter (Sara Easterly), children's writer, mother of two children

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

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Source: alpha-parenting.ru/2015/12/07/verte-v-to-chto-vyi-dostatochno-horoshaya-mat/

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