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Familiar scenario from my childhood
It is known that almost all use the familiar model of behavior and response to the problem, one which was used in his childhood. Surprisingly, even if the model has not yielded results and brought a lot of negativity and the denial of it, still in adult life people are starting to use it, simply because other don't know not checked experience. This is all do to the time, while some do not have the understanding that NOT RUNNING this script and it is better to spend time creating new, suitable for a given situation, than wasting time on old, obsolete model of cooperation.
Daughter doesn't want to learn, resists all persuasion. Mother constantly makes "does not descend".
According to mother is the only way to keep learning, even when confronted with resistance daughter. This model is familiar to the mother of her school years when she "didn't spare".
The son snaps and talks back, father does a few warnings and slaps on the lips.
According to the father – do not reach through words, reach through the power. Son is taking this course of action and begins the next time, now deliberately it was for his aggression. Simply because this way of responding to his boldness and gryzenia he becomes well understood. Father, too, remains nothing how to bring the situation to such a finale. Will it work?
There are two options:
the son is not willing in the future to feel the pain and hurt and arguments of the father to such anger, though, and starts to behave according to the familiar it scenario. Their hurt and pain keeps to himself to a certain point.
the son openly conflicts with the father, without fear of consequences, thereby defending their right to the finale of this problem.
In this case, will always be a vicious circle: the hatred of the son to the father, fear, but the stubborn defense of his and the aggression of the father and open opposition to the son, not taking already into account either the age difference or life experience. Just because father did in his childhood and a different approach to education, he has not.
The mother is actively involved in the lives of children who resent their secrecy and unwillingness to "share everything."
In her childhood, was precisely such a promise to her mother to her. The woman, the girl, strongly did not want to involve the mother in your case and inner world, cut off, but saw the resentment to his mother. Now with their children, it applies a familiar pattern of behavior, even knowing that it does not work and does not bring happiness and cooperation with children. Other modes of communication she is not looking.
Such examples are in fact very much and may each of us remember several similar situations.
How do you communicate with your children? Is there any benefit from a friend, but not the current scenario?
Touch on the subject, because I see a huge number of such interactions. Not only physical aggression, but the desire to do it Your way, just because You think You know better how to. Who gave You this to understand? Why You better know something and someone better? You compare your level of knowledge with the experience of the child? Isn't it better to help him to acquire the experience and build their relationship with You. May be they will be much more positive and stronger than the relationship between You and Your parents.
In that case, if You are confident in your methods and don't remember such dramatic scenarios, all the same, imagine that Your child is completely different, he is not You and perhaps what You think is good for him (part of the conversation, time together, shared Hobbies, trips to interesting places, exciting trips, visits to museums, theatres etc) Your child can be quite interesting. You will relive and repeat that You are his child... and he doesn't appreciate...
No, he appreciates, but does not accept, because it may be of interest to another, and do not worry if the mother of a teacher or psychologist, a growing son – a bully, my dad –instigators and the chief partier growing home daughter.
Your baby and familiar scenarios of cooperation do not always work with Your children and in Your any relationship. Looking for new ways and You will discover a wonderful world for YOUR child and only You can decide whether Your cooperation to be based on actions that suppress the personality or contributing to its development and discovery. published
Author: Yana Tarasenko
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: www.b17.ru/article/35002/
Daughter doesn't want to learn, resists all persuasion. Mother constantly makes "does not descend".
According to mother is the only way to keep learning, even when confronted with resistance daughter. This model is familiar to the mother of her school years when she "didn't spare".
The son snaps and talks back, father does a few warnings and slaps on the lips.
According to the father – do not reach through words, reach through the power. Son is taking this course of action and begins the next time, now deliberately it was for his aggression. Simply because this way of responding to his boldness and gryzenia he becomes well understood. Father, too, remains nothing how to bring the situation to such a finale. Will it work?
There are two options:
the son is not willing in the future to feel the pain and hurt and arguments of the father to such anger, though, and starts to behave according to the familiar it scenario. Their hurt and pain keeps to himself to a certain point.
the son openly conflicts with the father, without fear of consequences, thereby defending their right to the finale of this problem.
In this case, will always be a vicious circle: the hatred of the son to the father, fear, but the stubborn defense of his and the aggression of the father and open opposition to the son, not taking already into account either the age difference or life experience. Just because father did in his childhood and a different approach to education, he has not.
The mother is actively involved in the lives of children who resent their secrecy and unwillingness to "share everything."
In her childhood, was precisely such a promise to her mother to her. The woman, the girl, strongly did not want to involve the mother in your case and inner world, cut off, but saw the resentment to his mother. Now with their children, it applies a familiar pattern of behavior, even knowing that it does not work and does not bring happiness and cooperation with children. Other modes of communication she is not looking.
Such examples are in fact very much and may each of us remember several similar situations.
How do you communicate with your children? Is there any benefit from a friend, but not the current scenario?
Touch on the subject, because I see a huge number of such interactions. Not only physical aggression, but the desire to do it Your way, just because You think You know better how to. Who gave You this to understand? Why You better know something and someone better? You compare your level of knowledge with the experience of the child? Isn't it better to help him to acquire the experience and build their relationship with You. May be they will be much more positive and stronger than the relationship between You and Your parents.
In that case, if You are confident in your methods and don't remember such dramatic scenarios, all the same, imagine that Your child is completely different, he is not You and perhaps what You think is good for him (part of the conversation, time together, shared Hobbies, trips to interesting places, exciting trips, visits to museums, theatres etc) Your child can be quite interesting. You will relive and repeat that You are his child... and he doesn't appreciate...
No, he appreciates, but does not accept, because it may be of interest to another, and do not worry if the mother of a teacher or psychologist, a growing son – a bully, my dad –instigators and the chief partier growing home daughter.
Your baby and familiar scenarios of cooperation do not always work with Your children and in Your any relationship. Looking for new ways and You will discover a wonderful world for YOUR child and only You can decide whether Your cooperation to be based on actions that suppress the personality or contributing to its development and discovery. published
Author: Yana Tarasenko
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: www.b17.ru/article/35002/