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What to do if someone else's adult scolds your child
Problem:This is often found in the sandbox, in kindergarten, school. In our society, unfortunately, it is not accepted to treat children with respect, no matter whether it is their own or others. From such an aggressive push of an alien adult, not only a child is lost, but sometimes parents, not knowing what to do. Let’s see how you can behave in such a situation, because it is very important for the child how his parent reacts.
Explanation:1. A child in front of an adult is defenseless.
But when this is a close adult, the child has support in the form of a good relationship with him. Therefore, remarks and instructions from a loved one are perceived by the child for the most part normal, since it is safe for him. But when someone else’s adult swears at a child, it scares him, because the forces are obviously not equal, the power of an adult, there is no security.
2. In order for the son to feel safe, the mother first physically shields her child from a woman who is perceived by him as a threat.
This way the child will feel protected. The mother then levels things off by initiating a horizontal adult-adult conversation. The mother remembers that the children are nearby and now they will see a pattern of behavior in a conflict situation. Therefore, the mother shows respect for the opponent and first says hello, then introduces herself and asks for a name. Thanks to acquaintance, the conversation will be more personal.
3. Mom respects her son, so she sits down to be on the same level with him.
The mother understands that her child was not sweet, that he is a good boy and he had no malicious intent. Therefore, she gestures, facial expressions, her appeal shows her son her understanding of him, disposition to him and support. At the same time, the mother unequivocally draws the border of “his own and others”.
4. Sasha, albeit not on purpose, but still violated the boundaries of Lesha and Svetlana, taking Leshin a toy.
So, Mommy apologizes. The mother also understands that children go to the same group in kindergarten and misunderstandings can recur. Therefore, the mother agrees with Svetlana on how to act in the future. It's important that Sasha hears it. This will make him feel more secure. The experience of security promotes a sense of self-worth and importance.Mom’s defense tells her child, “You are important and valuable, so I don’t let you be mistreated.”
5. The child had no malicious intent when he took someone else's car.
Rather, it can be regarded as a mistake. Therefore, there is no question of any censure. In addition, Sasha had to endure the test when he was scolded by another woman. Sasha’s mother wants her son to somehow especially support and she finds a way to give the same car for the holiday.
6. We do not analyze the situation when the child is still experiencing what happened.
Because in this way, he can feel lonely, misunderstood and withdrawn, answering formally. When all the troubles are over and the mental balance is restored, then it is possible to analyze what happened and what led to it. So, the child will be able to learn from the current situation and learn not to fall into such a situation in the future. At the same time, the mother does not tell her son how it should be, but wonders what logic the child was guided by. This will give her information about the baby’s white spots. In the future, the mother can pay special attention to this, so that the son is better guided. Maternal questions help the child to find the right solution in a problem situation. This approach helps the child to feel more competent and to rely on himself in a difficult situation, especially when he can not ask someone, so as not to fall into such a position in the future. published
P.S. And remember, just by changing our consumption – together we change the world!
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Source: fly-mama.ru/chto-delat-esli-chuzhoy-vzrosliy-otchityvaet-vashego-rebenka/
Explanation:1. A child in front of an adult is defenseless.
But when this is a close adult, the child has support in the form of a good relationship with him. Therefore, remarks and instructions from a loved one are perceived by the child for the most part normal, since it is safe for him. But when someone else’s adult swears at a child, it scares him, because the forces are obviously not equal, the power of an adult, there is no security.
2. In order for the son to feel safe, the mother first physically shields her child from a woman who is perceived by him as a threat.
This way the child will feel protected. The mother then levels things off by initiating a horizontal adult-adult conversation. The mother remembers that the children are nearby and now they will see a pattern of behavior in a conflict situation. Therefore, the mother shows respect for the opponent and first says hello, then introduces herself and asks for a name. Thanks to acquaintance, the conversation will be more personal.
3. Mom respects her son, so she sits down to be on the same level with him.
The mother understands that her child was not sweet, that he is a good boy and he had no malicious intent. Therefore, she gestures, facial expressions, her appeal shows her son her understanding of him, disposition to him and support. At the same time, the mother unequivocally draws the border of “his own and others”.
4. Sasha, albeit not on purpose, but still violated the boundaries of Lesha and Svetlana, taking Leshin a toy.
So, Mommy apologizes. The mother also understands that children go to the same group in kindergarten and misunderstandings can recur. Therefore, the mother agrees with Svetlana on how to act in the future. It's important that Sasha hears it. This will make him feel more secure. The experience of security promotes a sense of self-worth and importance.Mom’s defense tells her child, “You are important and valuable, so I don’t let you be mistreated.”
5. The child had no malicious intent when he took someone else's car.
Rather, it can be regarded as a mistake. Therefore, there is no question of any censure. In addition, Sasha had to endure the test when he was scolded by another woman. Sasha’s mother wants her son to somehow especially support and she finds a way to give the same car for the holiday.
6. We do not analyze the situation when the child is still experiencing what happened.
Because in this way, he can feel lonely, misunderstood and withdrawn, answering formally. When all the troubles are over and the mental balance is restored, then it is possible to analyze what happened and what led to it. So, the child will be able to learn from the current situation and learn not to fall into such a situation in the future. At the same time, the mother does not tell her son how it should be, but wonders what logic the child was guided by. This will give her information about the baby’s white spots. In the future, the mother can pay special attention to this, so that the son is better guided. Maternal questions help the child to find the right solution in a problem situation. This approach helps the child to feel more competent and to rely on himself in a difficult situation, especially when he can not ask someone, so as not to fall into such a position in the future. published
P.S. And remember, just by changing our consumption – together we change the world!
Join us on Facebook, VKontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: fly-mama.ru/chto-delat-esli-chuzhoy-vzrosliy-otchityvaet-vashego-rebenka/
