If you say no to your children, that doesn't mean you are a bad mother. You just mark the boundaries. Bans are a form of to teach them to appreciate things. All of us sometimes think — I'm a bad mother.
But what it means to be a good mother? Every day we are exhausted, trying to give our children the best of everything. We ensure that they eat right, take care to ensure that they are in no way needed, play with them, teach them to walk, read, execute their desires and embrace when they Wake in the night from a nightmare.
But how can we be sure that you're doing the right thing?
In the education of children should not strive to be the ideal mom or dad, it is not necessary for you or them.In fact, everything is much simpler: we need to always be around to give them the necessary support, while ensuring their independence, and of course doing all that they were happy.
Still need to understand one important thing: to make the child happy, to raise him, it does not mean to give him what he wants and only what he really needs at any given moment.
This approach to education suggests that sometimes we have to say a firm "no" and set boundaries. Naturally, this may not please your child, and looking at his tears you may have the idea that you are a bad mother. However, it doesn't make you bad parents.
Let's talk about this interesting aspect of parenting.
1. I don't pay attention to his tantrums
Likely, your child has reached the age when he starts asking you different things.
For example, to play you gave him your phone or tablet, or this dessert after dinner, or a toy that he bought it from a friend... do You have to say no, and having been refused, the child begins to react rapidly — to shout, to cry, trying to fight or falls to the ground.You should not feel bad mother if you choose to ignore the cries in these situations. Actually, that's the best you can do. If you give the child desired after a tantrum, he quickly realized that in this way we can achieve anything, and such behavior will be fixed.
Tantrums should be ignored for one simple reason, this is the way children blackmail and manipulation. Do not give in to them!
2. I don't help him with complex tasks
If a child from a very early age will learn to solve simple challenges that he faces on a daily basis, there is a danger that he will reach adulthood without being independent and not being able to answer for himself. This is the danger we must learn to fight as early as possible.The fact that you refused to tie him each morning, laces on shoes or to do his school homework, does not mean that you are a bad mother, this behavior encourages their independence and ability to take responsibility for their actions.
Perhaps in the beginning he will protest, tell you something like "but I can't, I don't know how to do it, I'll ruin everything...".
It's not the end of the world if today the bed will be laid is not perfect, or the homework assignment will be admitted any error. The important thing is that tomorrow he will try to make it better, and at some point it will find that you can be proud of themselves, the fact that he can cope with everything myself, without help.
3. You are a bad mother, if you say "no"to
child psychologists tell us that the critical age when children want to make their own decisions, and even begin to argue with you, about 8 years. It was during this period they have sufficient understanding of such complex concepts as justice, morality and respect.
That is why we must make every effort to guide them accordingly. Children need our love, support, and the fact that every day we asked them in the right direction.
If you have to say "no" more often than we would like, it does not mean that you are a bad mother. You protostelium boundaries to let them know what is acceptable and what is not, and what behavior you expect from them.
If today you are forbidden to play computer while not done homework, make sure that the rule will be executed every day. If the rules are not immutable, and that it was impossible to do yesterday, today, allowed, kids no longer understand what they need to do.Don't be afraid to say "no" when necessary, but always try to explain to the child why you forbid it, so they can better understand you:
"You can now go outside and play because you didn't do homework", "you can't walk alone at night, because you're still young", "you can't eat this dessert, because after you will feel very sick, you are allergic".
4. You are a bad mother if you can't constantly be around
This is something that worries many mothers. Of course, you would like to be constantly near your child, however, you need to go to work and spend long hours while trying to adjust to his school schedule and to have time to pick him up from school to have dinner together.Don't worry, you don't become a bad mother due to the fact that I can't be with their children every second. What is really important is the fact that each minute with your child was filled with warmth, complicity, concern, and love.
When you are home with the kids, give them all your attention. Answer every question, listen to their stories, doubts, comments. Make every minute together was not wasted.
Children need to understand that we all have our responsibilities: you are working and they have to go to school. Not easy to be together 24 hours a day, but this is not required.Kids have to grow up and be able to cope on their own, however, it is important to know that every time they really need you you'll always be near.
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
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