367
10 ways to properly motivate the child
Any parent knows that one of the hardest in the relationship with the child — not to force, but to motivate him to do something. Let's see — what all the same it is possible, useful, and properly motivate.
First a bit of theory (really small, so don't worry). Any incentive system works when there is a strong chain:
I try => I get => there is a nice result I => I try...
Any break in this chain leads to the fact that motivation does not work.
Examples:
1. Child dysgraphia tries to write correctly, but it is not ripen the brain and will not be carried out some remedial work, it will not happen. To learn the rules pointless. The chain is broken at the first arrow.
2. The child knows that if you try hard, you can wash the dishes well, but he just bored the result — there is nothing interesting or enjoyable for him. The chain is open on the second arrow.
3. The child has poor impulse control, or he completely doesn't believe in himself. He knows that if you try, that will I do, and he likes it, but his emotions are "not remember" that the efforts should be a pleasant result, and the cycle of motivation is not formed. The third arrow is very weak and constantly opens.
Now let's see how we ought to adjust these arrows so they always worked.
1. Care
Sometimes to support the arrows of motivation you just need to be in contact with the child and properly care for his needs.
The real story is. Dima couldn't bring myself to do homework, though pretty sharp for his lungs. But he kept getting distracted, in the result, the case took a long time, and the result was not pretty.
What the problem is and how you can take care of Dima? The goal was to "make the class" too big to Dima's erratic attention. The result is first broken arrow — he cannot try to make. That means we need to cut him this job at the edible pieces. Mom starts the timer for 15 minutes and all this time, sat next to a child.
Dima sees that to sit very long, and the ticking of the shooter itself reminds him of what we need to decide on. Exactly after 15 minutes the timer rings, Dima ran to the kitchen, five minutes jumping to music, and then returned to the job. The mother does not persuade, not to train, she just silently sitting next to you sets frame.
Very quickly Dima began to do homework for 45 minutes, and a year later learned how to use the alarm clock itself. Now he does his homework without mom and without reminders that everything seemed fantastic.
Another example. The boy did not want to go to the pool. My mom found out that business — in a speedo! They were not of the style, and the boy was ashamed of them. The problem was solved. Three years later, the grown boy again refused to take swimming lessons. My mother once conducted a study and realized that the boy trolls older guy in the group. Transferred to another group, and again began to swim with pleasure. But to know what it is, it was not so easy. And there would be no trust and contact and care would not work, and the motivation to swim has withered.
2. Joint activities
When we do something together with the child, then the arrows work better, because we'll do the part that the child does not work, and to vary that which he makes himself. This is particularly appropriate when the problem with the first arrow (try => it) or with self-belief (turned => out again).
But if the child just does not want to do some boring piece of work or teaching, joint activities can also help — well, just because with not so boring. Then, you'll be over and remember that boring piece should always be interesting (and if not — it is worth considering whether it is possible to achieve the result by other means), or that a boring job can be done quickly, eager to move on to more pleasant things.
3. A little encouragement
"For every beautiful letter is one highlight.
It works much better than "for every beautiful page is a piece of cake.
And far, far better than "over the five quarters — gadget".
If the child is smart beyond her years, it doesn't matter: it is still difficult to make too long distance from one arrow to another. Small, very small incentives do not act as a reward (which scared to lose and for which you need hard and long jump), and as a fun tradition as the game.
Which, of course, impossible to erect in the absolute and play it in all seriousness. Raisins is a cute item, a guarantee that what is happening (for example, difficult teaching spelling) takes place in an atmosphere of mutual trust and acceptance. That in itself is motivation.
4. Our approval and disapproval
With that all psychologists are urged not to overdo it. The fact that, ideally, an adult should be more or less independent from opinions of others. And if you plant it in a permanent "good" and "no, don't love you, ill tried" (I'm exaggerating, but the subtext is and such) — will always seek the approval of people.
Psychologists are right. But if used in moderation, this method is effective and not harmful. First of all, where we are talking not about success, but about good and evil. We may even have to praise a small child for good deeds and blame for the evil, and as our opinion is important to him, he will get used to distinguish good from evil and then be able to do it himself.
Not so strict and achievements. It is possible to praise your child for what he has achieved with difficulty, to talk to him about his progress, about how much better he began to read or to climb. It works! Motivates! It is important that there was no direct dependencies: "was praised", or instead of motivation will succeed fear of failure.
5. Paradoxical reward
It's when people expect that it will stupid to make, and with him a friendly talk, he went into the situation helped. Or when the person tried, and though he had poor results (not received, failed, failed, never learned), and the parents then comforted with something good (better intangible: good words, travel, going out for coffee, but an unexpected small gift).
This is always remembered. Of course, then you need to feel good, as in this case will affect our promotion. The point is that the man himself was frustrated and ready to give up, and we supported him. When the man didn't care about the result, a paradoxical reward for the defeat won't work.
6. "Done!"
"We did it!" "Done!" "Eureka!" is the feeling for those who felt in itself a strong motivator to try it again. It's the thrill, the euphoria of success, discoveries and achievements. The brain itself gives yourself a reward — a portion of endorphins, remembers a pleasant experience and eager to repeat it.
Now he is willing longer to endure the failures, boredom and hardships, because already knows that this will be followed by reward. So our brain trains itself. What can we do to this chain stuck? Often arrange situations in which the child itself makes the plunge.
It's just with kids — for example, they don't notice hints and very happy when you guess the correct answer (remember all these riddles in rhyme for the new year celebrations in kindergartens). With an older child, a little harder, but if you try — it is achievable.
You only need to calculate the load, so he really went all out, but gave up and was blown away. The job must be heavy, but not excessive. By the way, it's great to know how good the coaches are — it is about people saying that sport brings". But also they are raising and other activities where there is a "!" is the one who will be able to pose the problem correctly.
7. Support intrinsic motivation
People, for example, wants to play the violin. But too lazy to do for an hour a day, discouraged in the difficulties. A success (here is that "done!") yet — to concerts not yet at hand. How to be? Support for intrinsic motivation is that people gradually learned how to have fun and from small internal victories (learned a beautiful song), and that the pleasure was so big that helped to endure periods when it turns out badly. And there is room for our imagination: stories about the great, who also does not always work, and stories from his own life, and the creation of the atmosphere, and listening to music, and talk "around" it.
Gradually begins to form the image of "himself-violinist (optional and then to become a musician, but while you're playing — you're a violinist!), "self-judoka", "himself-Cataluna" that changes always on time tray. That is, the external becomes internal and is somehow awkward, you don't work out or the cat is not served.
Like all other motivations, this is not universal and would not work with everyone. In addition, in the example with music or judo three quarters of success is a good teacher. But we are important too.
8. Community and family motivation
It's actually a powerful tool, provided that the children value the group membership. Car seat how much safer, if you put it on the base, and collective motivation works much better if in real life these same collective and family values bring us joy.
If in our family "adopted" a lot of stuff that the child loves, then he would be okay with the fact that we have not "accepted" much of allowed peers, or that it requires more than with them. If the parents are smart (not to belittle anyone who doesn't follow the same rules as we do), the child does not feel like an outcast or something to suffer.
But it is very important to monitor the balance of pleasant and useful traditions. Know about this intelligent Christian parents, which teach different children to the Church, "in four years can defend the whole service, and someone at seven you just have to hold on to the bowl and then take away".
Outside the family's collective motivation works too, and we can remind about it, but only in a positive way, not "you fail the guys and the coach, "your team played better".
9. Justice
When children become a little older, they begin to be interested in justice, rules and laws. This interest can be used to motivate in different not very desirable, boring or difficult cases.
For example, not everyone likes to help around the house to do physical therapy, to sit with your younger brothers or sisters. Not always want to behave well, especially when others behave badly. A sense of justice can come to the rescue and create motivation where it was not.
This will only happen when we go at the same time and about duties and rights! It is true that if you live in an apartment all that and doing a bit of cleaning too, all to the best. But it is also true that if Alex all day hung Wallpaper before, now its sacred right — the whole evening to sit on the forums about Harry Potter, and we won't touch it.
A conversation about justice will be incomplete and false if not forget about injustice a lot in my life and that we are unable on their own to iron out. And I'm not only and not so much about philanthropy or volunteering — more about how we help each other. It is unfair that you have diabetes and have to prick myself with a needle, but we're terribly sorry you can as a sign of solidarity until you get used to it, together with the whole family to measure each other sugar.
So justice becomes the backup for all three arrows.
10. Planning for the future
Only works with older adolescents, and that is not all. But if this works, then everything else you can no longer worry. But will it succeed, if not to substitute the purpose of the child's own; not discouraging ("how can you be a dancer, it is necessary to start early, and you're awkward and spasmodic"); our goal is to think along with the teenager sequence of steps, each of which must be clear and comparable; considering them, we don't pressure a man has every right to change your mind at any stage of the process, it is absolutely normal phenomenon which should not discourage us.
On the contrary, quite surprisingly, when this method is triggered. But it works for some! Sometimes very unexpectedly. So we write about it. published
Author: Ksenia Buksha
Read also: a New look at the SCENARIO of the MESSAGE from parent to child
Personal experience: my daughter has done it and become wiser
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: www.nashideti.site/?p=2750
First a bit of theory (really small, so don't worry). Any incentive system works when there is a strong chain:
I try => I get => there is a nice result I => I try...
Any break in this chain leads to the fact that motivation does not work.
Examples:
1. Child dysgraphia tries to write correctly, but it is not ripen the brain and will not be carried out some remedial work, it will not happen. To learn the rules pointless. The chain is broken at the first arrow.
2. The child knows that if you try hard, you can wash the dishes well, but he just bored the result — there is nothing interesting or enjoyable for him. The chain is open on the second arrow.
3. The child has poor impulse control, or he completely doesn't believe in himself. He knows that if you try, that will I do, and he likes it, but his emotions are "not remember" that the efforts should be a pleasant result, and the cycle of motivation is not formed. The third arrow is very weak and constantly opens.
Now let's see how we ought to adjust these arrows so they always worked.
1. Care
Sometimes to support the arrows of motivation you just need to be in contact with the child and properly care for his needs.
The real story is. Dima couldn't bring myself to do homework, though pretty sharp for his lungs. But he kept getting distracted, in the result, the case took a long time, and the result was not pretty.
What the problem is and how you can take care of Dima? The goal was to "make the class" too big to Dima's erratic attention. The result is first broken arrow — he cannot try to make. That means we need to cut him this job at the edible pieces. Mom starts the timer for 15 minutes and all this time, sat next to a child.
Dima sees that to sit very long, and the ticking of the shooter itself reminds him of what we need to decide on. Exactly after 15 minutes the timer rings, Dima ran to the kitchen, five minutes jumping to music, and then returned to the job. The mother does not persuade, not to train, she just silently sitting next to you sets frame.
Very quickly Dima began to do homework for 45 minutes, and a year later learned how to use the alarm clock itself. Now he does his homework without mom and without reminders that everything seemed fantastic.
Another example. The boy did not want to go to the pool. My mom found out that business — in a speedo! They were not of the style, and the boy was ashamed of them. The problem was solved. Three years later, the grown boy again refused to take swimming lessons. My mother once conducted a study and realized that the boy trolls older guy in the group. Transferred to another group, and again began to swim with pleasure. But to know what it is, it was not so easy. And there would be no trust and contact and care would not work, and the motivation to swim has withered.
2. Joint activities
When we do something together with the child, then the arrows work better, because we'll do the part that the child does not work, and to vary that which he makes himself. This is particularly appropriate when the problem with the first arrow (try => it) or with self-belief (turned => out again).
But if the child just does not want to do some boring piece of work or teaching, joint activities can also help — well, just because with not so boring. Then, you'll be over and remember that boring piece should always be interesting (and if not — it is worth considering whether it is possible to achieve the result by other means), or that a boring job can be done quickly, eager to move on to more pleasant things.
3. A little encouragement
"For every beautiful letter is one highlight.
It works much better than "for every beautiful page is a piece of cake.
And far, far better than "over the five quarters — gadget".
If the child is smart beyond her years, it doesn't matter: it is still difficult to make too long distance from one arrow to another. Small, very small incentives do not act as a reward (which scared to lose and for which you need hard and long jump), and as a fun tradition as the game.
Which, of course, impossible to erect in the absolute and play it in all seriousness. Raisins is a cute item, a guarantee that what is happening (for example, difficult teaching spelling) takes place in an atmosphere of mutual trust and acceptance. That in itself is motivation.
4. Our approval and disapproval
With that all psychologists are urged not to overdo it. The fact that, ideally, an adult should be more or less independent from opinions of others. And if you plant it in a permanent "good" and "no, don't love you, ill tried" (I'm exaggerating, but the subtext is and such) — will always seek the approval of people.
Psychologists are right. But if used in moderation, this method is effective and not harmful. First of all, where we are talking not about success, but about good and evil. We may even have to praise a small child for good deeds and blame for the evil, and as our opinion is important to him, he will get used to distinguish good from evil and then be able to do it himself.
Not so strict and achievements. It is possible to praise your child for what he has achieved with difficulty, to talk to him about his progress, about how much better he began to read or to climb. It works! Motivates! It is important that there was no direct dependencies: "was praised", or instead of motivation will succeed fear of failure.
5. Paradoxical reward
It's when people expect that it will stupid to make, and with him a friendly talk, he went into the situation helped. Or when the person tried, and though he had poor results (not received, failed, failed, never learned), and the parents then comforted with something good (better intangible: good words, travel, going out for coffee, but an unexpected small gift).
This is always remembered. Of course, then you need to feel good, as in this case will affect our promotion. The point is that the man himself was frustrated and ready to give up, and we supported him. When the man didn't care about the result, a paradoxical reward for the defeat won't work.
6. "Done!"
"We did it!" "Done!" "Eureka!" is the feeling for those who felt in itself a strong motivator to try it again. It's the thrill, the euphoria of success, discoveries and achievements. The brain itself gives yourself a reward — a portion of endorphins, remembers a pleasant experience and eager to repeat it.
Now he is willing longer to endure the failures, boredom and hardships, because already knows that this will be followed by reward. So our brain trains itself. What can we do to this chain stuck? Often arrange situations in which the child itself makes the plunge.
It's just with kids — for example, they don't notice hints and very happy when you guess the correct answer (remember all these riddles in rhyme for the new year celebrations in kindergartens). With an older child, a little harder, but if you try — it is achievable.
You only need to calculate the load, so he really went all out, but gave up and was blown away. The job must be heavy, but not excessive. By the way, it's great to know how good the coaches are — it is about people saying that sport brings". But also they are raising and other activities where there is a "!" is the one who will be able to pose the problem correctly.
7. Support intrinsic motivation
People, for example, wants to play the violin. But too lazy to do for an hour a day, discouraged in the difficulties. A success (here is that "done!") yet — to concerts not yet at hand. How to be? Support for intrinsic motivation is that people gradually learned how to have fun and from small internal victories (learned a beautiful song), and that the pleasure was so big that helped to endure periods when it turns out badly. And there is room for our imagination: stories about the great, who also does not always work, and stories from his own life, and the creation of the atmosphere, and listening to music, and talk "around" it.
Gradually begins to form the image of "himself-violinist (optional and then to become a musician, but while you're playing — you're a violinist!), "self-judoka", "himself-Cataluna" that changes always on time tray. That is, the external becomes internal and is somehow awkward, you don't work out or the cat is not served.
Like all other motivations, this is not universal and would not work with everyone. In addition, in the example with music or judo three quarters of success is a good teacher. But we are important too.
8. Community and family motivation
It's actually a powerful tool, provided that the children value the group membership. Car seat how much safer, if you put it on the base, and collective motivation works much better if in real life these same collective and family values bring us joy.
If in our family "adopted" a lot of stuff that the child loves, then he would be okay with the fact that we have not "accepted" much of allowed peers, or that it requires more than with them. If the parents are smart (not to belittle anyone who doesn't follow the same rules as we do), the child does not feel like an outcast or something to suffer.
But it is very important to monitor the balance of pleasant and useful traditions. Know about this intelligent Christian parents, which teach different children to the Church, "in four years can defend the whole service, and someone at seven you just have to hold on to the bowl and then take away".
Outside the family's collective motivation works too, and we can remind about it, but only in a positive way, not "you fail the guys and the coach, "your team played better".
9. Justice
When children become a little older, they begin to be interested in justice, rules and laws. This interest can be used to motivate in different not very desirable, boring or difficult cases.
For example, not everyone likes to help around the house to do physical therapy, to sit with your younger brothers or sisters. Not always want to behave well, especially when others behave badly. A sense of justice can come to the rescue and create motivation where it was not.
This will only happen when we go at the same time and about duties and rights! It is true that if you live in an apartment all that and doing a bit of cleaning too, all to the best. But it is also true that if Alex all day hung Wallpaper before, now its sacred right — the whole evening to sit on the forums about Harry Potter, and we won't touch it.
A conversation about justice will be incomplete and false if not forget about injustice a lot in my life and that we are unable on their own to iron out. And I'm not only and not so much about philanthropy or volunteering — more about how we help each other. It is unfair that you have diabetes and have to prick myself with a needle, but we're terribly sorry you can as a sign of solidarity until you get used to it, together with the whole family to measure each other sugar.
So justice becomes the backup for all three arrows.
10. Planning for the future
Only works with older adolescents, and that is not all. But if this works, then everything else you can no longer worry. But will it succeed, if not to substitute the purpose of the child's own; not discouraging ("how can you be a dancer, it is necessary to start early, and you're awkward and spasmodic"); our goal is to think along with the teenager sequence of steps, each of which must be clear and comparable; considering them, we don't pressure a man has every right to change your mind at any stage of the process, it is absolutely normal phenomenon which should not discourage us.
On the contrary, quite surprisingly, when this method is triggered. But it works for some! Sometimes very unexpectedly. So we write about it. published
Author: Ksenia Buksha
Read also: a New look at the SCENARIO of the MESSAGE from parent to child
Personal experience: my daughter has done it and become wiser
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: www.nashideti.site/?p=2750
GeoOrbital: wheels, able to transform any bike into electric bike
10 things to keep in order to subsequently pass on to Your children