Why children can't hear us

"A hundred times need to repeat that" "how about a wall peas", "until it barks will not make" – these phrases confidently occupied the first line in the hit parade of complaints the parent of a child psychologist. Why? "The main mistake of parents is that they are trying to give directions to crumbs, like little adults. But in the "small country" has its own laws of perception that must be considered if we want to be heard."

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Kids only available flexible single-channel attention. This means that a child's brain is able to concentrate only on one task (e.g. the construction of a tunnel out of chairs). Pointless to be annoyed that passionate about the game baby you "can't hear" – he is just not capable of it. The more that mother's words are heard from above, while the "real life" is here, under the chairs!

Correction of mistakes. Before giving instructions, you should turn your attention tot on yourself. Sit on your heels, look the child in the eye (you can touch or hold hands). Refer to him by name: "Dora, look at me", "the Topic, listen to what I say", etc. Baby aged 3.5 it is useful to ask to repeat what he had heard. Jobs that give yourself to accomplish much more pleasant.


"Take off your boots, wash your hands and the table," in our view, the request is simple as ABC. But for a child under the age of 3.5–4 years is quite a complicated algorithm. Try to remember the sequence, nothing is missing! Here's baby and "stuck" in the hallway.

Correction of mistakes. Split complex task into simple. Give your child only one short task, for example: "Take off boots". To the next move, when the indication number 1 will be executed.


For example: "how long are You going to sit in the dirt?", "Do you like to walk around with sticky hands?". "Toddlers understand everything literally – says the psychologist. – Guess that's matter concluded the guide to action, it is difficult".

Correction of mistakes. It is worth remembering that the child is still learning the native language. Therefore, all requests must be sound so that they could understand clearly.


"Sasha, how many times you can say, don't jump from the chair to the couch! Have you already forgotten how bloody the nose want to fall again?.. etc." "It is clear that the parent who gives a "speech" that is called "boiling" and he wants to stop the dangerous behavior of the child, – says the psychologist. But listening to long notation child is just confused in words, and forgets what it is".

Correction of mistakes. You should not think of the child "past" sins. No need to scare the future trouble. The baby lives "here and now", therefore, the attempt to influence him long explanations are pointless. It is best at this moment to say briefly: "to Jump from the chair it is impossible, it is dangerous".

You can then turn the situation into a joke – for example, to remove the pickle from the chair and wander, play airplanes. Or switching attention – for example, to offer to compete, who better to jump over lying on the carpet, the sheets of paper. In short, to find a safe outlet for energy, overwhelming the baby.

And the most important rule – if you can't change the child's behavior, change the circumstances that provoke dangerous behavior. For example, move the chair to another room.

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The child ask for forgiveness, say that everything is heard and understood. Actually he didn't – not before it. The main goal was to prevent punishment. In addition, the Creek causes concern, fear. And fear reduces the ability to think. "Remember how you yourself feel, if you are in a raised voice talking to someone important, such as the head, says a psychologist. – Certainly there is a feeling that is lost, like "stupid"? The same thing happens with the child."

Correction of mistakes. The best way to keep emotions under control – to be consistent. If the child will understand that there is no way to beg hour sitting in front of a TV, it will cease to ignore the request to turn off the cartoons.published  



See also:

3 reasons for which I apologize to the baby when I am wrong

Mom + dad = sex. And no children!



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Source: vk.com/a.s.neill?w=wall-23183549_3324


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