Blackmail forgiveness

"Mother, forgive me!" — crying standing next to me five year old daughter. I clench my teeth and realize that now you will spank her. Hardly contain himself, asking: "Liz, please, go away, I now can't forgive you!" I was just shaking from anger — only that this girl was lying on the floor, beat with hands and feet and methodically shouted: "Masha — a fool! She broke my toy!". Thirty minutes. Or an hour? Maybe eternity?

In the corner quietly sobbing Mary, who a hundred times already, too, asked for forgiveness and Lisa, and me. But it didn't help. Wild cries of the sobbing Lisa echoed, perhaps, for the building. She woke up one year old sister. Scattered all that came to hand. And then I freak out. My patience, not of angels, bursts with a Bang: I toss this in the sink spoon from the table. Lisa reveals one tear-stained eyes and watches surreptitiously. After I jerk her up off the floor and give a slap in the right direction, Lisa changes the subject crying. Now the moaning going under the slogan: "Forgive me, mother! You can't not forgive is a sin!"

And I can't forgive! Because that still boils inside. Because I understand that she's not sorry. She's blackmailing me to them. She wants to make everything all right that I stopped being angry that the world has returned to its usual state. And the only reason she needs to hear from me the precious words, "Well, I forgive you, all right!"

I have to say that most often it was snatched from me these words. And so then I got used to the fact that the words "forgive me" to "all was well", I started to say them over and without. She told them a hundred times a day — just in case. If someone got an f, she said "forgive me." If someone close has fallen, she also said "I'm sorry", although he was completely innocent. She spoke these words when he broke a mug when I had a headache when she was betrayed by friends. She resented them and understood them wrong, but asked for forgiveness. And it had no relationship to humility, which is so fond doldonit all and Sundry. These words turned Lisa into a magic formula.

"Suddenly, if I don't ask for forgiveness, anything wrong?" And we had to fight with the words "forgive me."

"For what?" — I asked and demanded an answer. The answer was to be very clear and specific. Because asking for forgiveness in General, or in any case easier than do something concrete, for a misdemeanor, for real guilt. Because the request for forgiveness must be preceded by the work of the soul, the realization of his wrongs, his mistakes, mistakes. It is therefore often really hard to ask for forgiveness immediately, in the heat of the moment.

True forgiveness comes and after some experiences of his resentment: "Here I have offended, I did not understand, I'm not told, I am the most unhappy man in the world". And if you're miserable? And are not you offended? And all over whether you were right? Time gives you the opportunity to understand and see ourselves. Sometimes just an hour, and sometimes many years, to apologize sincerely, truly.


But this story about a girl Lisa is another side — blackmail forgiveness. When your back's to the wall "right words" and require forgiveness to which you are not ready. But you have to forgive! How to be here?

On the one hand, you should never go on about the blackmailer, even a five-year, and to encourage blackmail. On the other, too, because you want to make everything all right, I want everyone to stop crying, but your "unforgiveness" only provokes further sobs. To think properly in such a hot situation is also not impossible.

Now, after ten years, maybe more, when Lisa became a large and wonderful-attentive when you can talk about everything, I can talk about what happened. Yes, probably, it was necessary to say "forgive", just to appease the children. And then when they come back to normal, talk to them. To discuss the situation, to sort through.

Often had not reached, simply because a lot of children, mother, strength is not enough, every day a new surprise: we scored a whole roll of new toilet paper, then break down the door jamb (what?! after all, some little girls!!!), then another quarrel and a fight night because of the acute question, whose brain — Machine or Lysine better.

Probably, it was necessary to really emphasize is not that the Christian should, well, simply is required of all to forgive, and that one learns to forgive life, to forgive is difficult, sometimes almost impossible, to ask forgiveness is not the same as to ask for ice cream. And there's no need to apologize just in case and just to appease, from whom you depend.

But anyway, we managed to understand and realize, if not immediately. Slowly I got less angry at Lisa because of her tantrums. For example, once during one of savage roar on the kitchen floor Lisa, watching me pour the soup into bowls, suddenly stopped shrieking and clearly said "less I", I instead get angry, laughed.


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Lisa also grew and umnel. And suddenly it turned out that these terrible screams and hazard left with childish prattle and milk teeth. And now we can talk about forgiveness, we learn to forgive each other, we were like-minded.

And that's what pleases and surprises me always: it turns out that children do not always cry and make trouble. No, they grow up, they realize you are sitting next to and laughing when you talk about how they sometimes behaved, and say, "Well, we have each other."published


Author: Anna Halperin, a journalist, mother of four children


P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©



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